(Closed) Relatives constantly asking/mentioning marriage

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You should tell me in the nice way that them constantly bringing it up bothers you and you rather not answer questions about this all the time.. they may not realize how much it bothers you.

Post # 4
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Umm. Yes. 

To be fair I know why they’re asking and talking about it (Same reason I’m here and getting totally antsy–I’m almost 30 and we’ve been together almost 7 years. What’s the hold up?) But that does NOT make it easier. My father and my grandmother are on my case the most. My mom wants babies more than she wants me to get married…ha!

I really want them to stop bringing it up though. If he proposes or we break up they’ll be the first to know. Constantly bringing it up does nothing to change the situation and it really doesn’t help my state of mind. 

Post # 5
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MissParrot:

I know exactly how you feel. After a while it gets pretty annoying and you just feel like yelling at the people.

My Grandmother is old, and barely speaks english. But every time I see her, she says something to the effect of: “You must marry before I die”. Oh ya, she doesn’t sugar coat it at all. My other family members mention stuff all the time and it has gotten to the point where it brings me to tears when they ask me (um… Christmas eve was a perfect example). It got so bad that my dad actually had to CALL my family members to tell them to STOP asking and prodding at the subject with me.

I can only put on a happy face so much. It gets extremely exhausting after a while and it’s difficult to disguise.

P.S.~ You COULD be a smart a$$ about it and say to them: “When he’s ready”, or “If I knew, don’t you think you’d know about it already??”, or “Ask him yourself”.

Gwen

Post # 6
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I used to have this problem, one even asked me if we were discussing marriage. I told her to mind her own buisness. They’ve stopped and told my uncle I was mean.LMAO Oh,well!

Post # 7
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

I think you’re waiting. I don’t think any guy with marriage or ring phobia would encourage their SO to figure out if she wanted to pick her own ring out or not. I think it’s good sign. And I’m in your boat when it comes to not knowing what you want. My tactic has been – Since there are so many beautiful rings out there I’m gonna find out everything I hate and tell him that. That opens him up to a ton of options I’d still love. Sorry they’re being so pushy.

Post # 8
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

Okay so I can’t get away from all the “when” questions myself. Two weekends in a row I was bombarded with questions about engagement, marriage, babies, you name it. Ours mostly come from the elders like our grandparents and our friends mostly the married ones but even others that aren’t. It’s annoying because I don’t have an answer for them. And it’s like “uggghhh this isn’t’ helping”! The last time he was the one cornered with the interrogation so I was glad since it’s usually me and because it’s his fault we aren’t engaged yet not mine. I’m ready and been ready. I know we’ve been together 3.58 years (LOL) but these questions are starting to make me feel like it won’t be exciting once we do announce it because everyone will be like “it’s about time” Ugghhh I hate it.

Post # 9
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh man, my grandparents started lamenting that I was going to be an “old maid” at the age of 20. I’m still only 26 now, but they’ve stopped saying anything, because I think they believe it to be a lost cause (even though I’m definitely about to be engaged). Then again, maybe they’re just tired of my retorts that I’m not at the average age to be married yet, or my rants on how offensive the term “old maid” really is.

But yeah, it sounds like you’re officially waiting with your bf’s comment. Yay! : )

Post # 10
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I remember before Darling Husband and I were engaged, everyone (his family, my family, even some friends) was making comments about us getting married. They ranged from timeline-style questions, to funny little comments (well, maybe they were funny the first time I heard them- but certainly not the millionth!). It could sure get annoying, and it really made me feel like there was a lot of pressure to be engaged- like he better propose soon because everyone else was waiting! For me, it helpd to keep in mind that everyone meant well, and that I was the only one hearing all of the comments. So if person A made a comment on Monday, and person B did on Tuesday, and then person C said something on Wednesday, I was the only one who had heard all of them- they probably each thought they were the only one saying anything or that I didn’t hear these things all that often. 

My advice is to come up with a polite, but short, stock answer- whatever will work for the majority of comments you’re hearing (I like your “I don’t know, why don’t you ask my bf?”). When someone says something, give them that response and change the subject. If they keep bothering you, say that you’d rather not talk about it right now, and then change the subject. It sucks, but maybe people will start to get the hint?

Post # 11
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@GwenvonD: UGH. Yes. This is exactly what my grandmother does too. It’s super morbid: “I’m not going to be alive much longer, I’d like to go to a wedding before I die.”

Gee, thanks grandma, no pressure. :

Post # 12
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh man I hate when friends and relatives do that to me! It gets annoying having to hear the same questin from everyone on when we are getting married or going to have babies. Don’t they think that I wish it would happen already as well?? It hurts and annoys me since no one else but other waitiing ladies knows exactly how it feels to be in our shoes, waiting for our SO to ask that all important question. Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

and yes, I think you should consider yourself waiting now 🙂

Post # 13
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

Ugh, yes the person who has asked me the most questions is my own mother. She wants to know when he’s putting a ring on my finger. See, her and my dad got engaged after 3 months of dating and I guess she figured that I was wasting my time with Boyfriend or Best Friend because we’ve been together for almost a year and no ring! I had to talk to her to get her off my back. She doesn’t know however that Boyfriend or Best Friend and I talk about marriage and that we’ve looked at rings and she won’t know until Boyfriend or Best Friend asks her and my dad.

Turns out my two cousins are wondering when we’re getting married too. Apparently they asked my mom and are excited. They wanted to know if we were engaged yet and what was taking so long. Grr, when I get engaged I will let them know! It’s funny but irritating too. 

And I would definitely say that you are waiting. =)

Post # 14
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@kayely88: Sounds familiar… my parents were actually married 3 months after beginning to date! They were crazy. But it will likely be 4 or 5 years of relationship total before we get engaged. My mother cannot imagine what the holdup is. XD

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