Post # 1
Does anyone else’s family constantly ask them about having children, and getting married…mine seem to constantly and is slightly annoying. Esp, my mom about the children…I’ve said constantly that i would like to be married before that happens. And to talk to my SO about the whole getting engaged part first…which won’t happen till we live together according to him.
For example….my grandmother the other day….”now we just have to get you off and married”…I told her I needed a ring on my finger first and that she would have to talk to my bf about that. Her response was “well, do you want to pick out ur ring like your uncles gf does?” I said that I wasn’t sure and haven’t really thought about it.
After I told my bf about the convo he was like well you should prob figure that out.
hmm I wonder if that means I am waiting?…
I think I’d rather be surprised with a ring rather than pick my own out, I’m sure I’d give him hints of what I liked and didn’t like…Plus I would have no idea what i would like vs what I wouldn’t.
BUt still wish my family would be quiet about it…its not like its not on my mind enough already…and I do in fact want it to be a surprise when it does happen.
and we have only dated 1.5 years so I doubt it will happen any time soon anyways. ugh
Post # 3
You should tell me in the nice way that them constantly bringing it up bothers you and you rather not answer questions about this all the time.. they may not realize how much it bothers you.
Post # 4
To be fair I know why they’re asking and talking about it (Same reason I’m here and getting totally antsy–I’m almost 30 and we’ve been together almost 7 years. What’s the hold up?) But that does NOT make it easier. My father and my grandmother are on my case the most. My mom wants babies more than she wants me to get married…ha!
I really want them to stop bringing it up though. If he proposes or we break up they’ll be the first to know. Constantly bringing it up does nothing to change the situation and it really doesn’t help my state of mind.
Post # 5
I know exactly how you feel. After a while it gets pretty annoying and you just feel like yelling at the people.
My Grandmother is old, and barely speaks english. But every time I see her, she says something to the effect of: “You must marry before I die”. Oh ya, she doesn’t sugar coat it at all. My other family members mention stuff all the time and it has gotten to the point where it brings me to tears when they ask me (um… Christmas eve was a perfect example). It got so bad that my dad actually had to CALL my family members to tell them to STOP asking and prodding at the subject with me.
I can only put on a happy face so much. It gets extremely exhausting after a while and it’s difficult to disguise.
P.S.~ You COULD be a smart a$$ about it and say to them: “When he’s ready”, or “If I knew, don’t you think you’d know about it already??”, or “Ask him yourself”.
Post # 6
I used to have this problem, one even asked me if we were discussing marriage. I told her to mind her own buisness. They’ve stopped and told my uncle I was mean.LMAO Oh,well!
Post # 7
I think you’re waiting. I don’t think any guy with marriage or ring phobia would encourage their SO to figure out if she wanted to pick her own ring out or not. I think it’s good sign. And I’m in your boat when it comes to not knowing what you want. My tactic has been – Since there are so many beautiful rings out there I’m gonna find out everything I hate and tell him that. That opens him up to a ton of options I’d still love. Sorry they’re being so pushy.
Post # 8
Okay so I can’t get away from all the “when” questions myself. Two weekends in a row I was bombarded with questions about engagement, marriage, babies, you name it. Ours mostly come from the elders like our grandparents and our friends mostly the married ones but even others that aren’t. It’s annoying because I don’t have an answer for them. And it’s like “uggghhh this isn’t’ helping”! The last time he was the one cornered with the interrogation so I was glad since it’s usually me and because it’s his fault we aren’t engaged yet not mine. I’m ready and been ready. I know we’ve been together 3.58 years (LOL) but these questions are starting to make me feel like it won’t be exciting once we do announce it because everyone will be like “it’s about time” Ugghhh I hate it.
Post # 9
Oh man, my grandparents started lamenting that I was going to be an “old maid” at the age of 20. I’m still only 26 now, but they’ve stopped saying anything, because I think they believe it to be a lost cause (even though I’m definitely about to be engaged). Then again, maybe they’re just tired of my retorts that I’m not at the average age to be married yet, or my rants on how offensive the term “old maid” really is.
But yeah, it sounds like you’re officially waiting with your bf’s comment. Yay! : )
Post # 10
I remember before DH and I were engaged, everyone (his family, my family, even some friends) was making comments about us getting married. They ranged from timeline-style questions, to funny little comments (well, maybe they were funny the first time I heard them- but certainly not the millionth!). It could sure get annoying, and it really made me feel like there was a lot of pressure to be engaged- like he better propose soon because everyone else was waiting! For me, it helpd to keep in mind that everyone meant well, and that I was the only one hearing all of the comments. So if person A made a comment on Monday, and person B did on Tuesday, and then person C said something on Wednesday, I was the only one who had heard all of them- they probably each thought they were the only one saying anything or that I didn’t hear these things all that often.
My advice is to come up with a polite, but short, stock answer- whatever will work for the majority of comments you’re hearing (I like your “I don’t know, why don’t you ask my bf?”). When someone says something, give them that response and change the subject. If they keep bothering you, say that you’d rather not talk about it right now, and then change the subject. It sucks, but maybe people will start to get the hint?
Post # 11
@GwenvonD: UGH. Yes. This is exactly what my grandmother does too. It’s super morbid: “I’m not going to be alive much longer, I’d like to go to a wedding before I die.”
Gee, thanks grandma, no pressure. :
Post # 12
Oh man I hate when friends and relatives do that to me! It gets annoying having to hear the same questin from everyone on when we are getting married or going to have babies. Don’t they think that I wish it would happen already as well?? It hurts and annoys me since no one else but other waitiing ladies knows exactly how it feels to be in our shoes, waiting for our SO to ask that all important question. Thanks for letting me vent a bit.
and yes, I think you should consider yourself waiting now 🙂
Post # 13
Ugh, yes the person who has asked me the most questions is my own mother. She wants to know when he’s putting a ring on my finger. See, her and my dad got engaged after 3 months of dating and I guess she figured that I was wasting my time with BF because we’ve been together for almost a year and no ring! I had to talk to her to get her off my back. She doesn’t know however that BF and I talk about marriage and that we’ve looked at rings and she won’t know until BF asks her and my dad.
Turns out my two cousins are wondering when we’re getting married too. Apparently they asked my mom and are excited. They wanted to know if we were engaged yet and what was taking so long. Grr, when I get engaged I will let them know! It’s funny but irritating too.
And I would definitely say that you are waiting. =)
Post # 14
@kayely88: Sounds familiar… my parents were actually married 3 months after beginning to date! They were crazy. But it will likely be 4 or 5 years of relationship total before we get engaged. My mother cannot imagine what the holdup is. XD
Post # 15
Glad to know I’m not the only one and omg my grandparents do that were not getting any younger….we may not be here too much longer…blah blah…
I usually just say it will happen when it happens. Plan and simple.
As far as the waiting thing…yeah I totally don’t bring up marriage or rings for that matter unless someone harasses me about it. He brings up more than I do.. I think I’m just scared to get my hopes up high…and than be disapointed. lol lame I know.
Post # 16
So over the weekend we spent alot of time with family and of course the whole babies and engagement thing came up…and I mentioned to him how at least my mom is going on the engagement train instead of the baby train..His response was “Now if you would move in with me, than your mother and I would be on the same page”……ummm I think its time to move in.
And not just becuase I want a ring…diffently thing that its time to take the next step and we have been discussing it for a while, and I do practiically live with him lately only one or two nights a week latley that I’m not.. we’ve been dating for 1.5 years.
Whata ya think?