Post # 1
This is so upsetting to me. Fiance and I have been together a total of almost 7 years. We originally wanted a medium size wedding (about 100 guests), so we could invite my family, which is pretty good size (mom has three brothers, dad has 6 siblings, plus cousins, etc.) Anyway, after we were engaged, I overheard a conversation between my father and my aunt, and she said “she doesn’t approve of the marriage”, because he doesn’t have a lot of money. We thought everyone liked Fiance, and this hurt deeply, because everyone is cordial when around him. Then, my uncle, who has a tendency to be extremely tacky and rude, asked my Fiance once: “Why do all Hispanics work in public service?” My Fiance is Puerto Rican. He also just recently said to my sister and BIL that my fiance was a bozo, and he would not even so much as buy him a beer. He has always been very bigoted when someone dates someone outside his race. I have no idea why they don’t like my fiance as a person, since they have only been around him a handful of times, and only for short periods. They live in another state, so they don’t see us a lot. He never says anything directly to me, only in front of others, like my sister, who relays what was said to me. They think the world of my sister’s hubby, who is white and a lawyer. However, he has recently admitted he went to dinner with another woman, and was tempted by her. My Fiance doesn’t hit me, drinks very rarely, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t cheat, and treats me like gold. Just because he doesn’t have a lot of money or is of a different race they don’t like him. I get upset because when this stuff is said, no one else around him will say anything in our defense, which is hurtful. My uncle is a bully, he pokes his nose into everyone else’s business, and my dad won’t stand up to him because he is afraid he will “be mad at him”. This is why we have chosen to have a small 30ish guest wedding. No one from out of town, except any of Fiance relatives that may want to come from PR. We have had more support from my mother’s family and people from church than my dad’s family.
Sorry this was so long, but I have to release this or I will burst!
Post # 3
@brendaray2009: I’m so sorry you in this situation… At the end of the day, regardless of how family members may feel, it’s all about how you feel… If he treats you good, and you love him, that’s all that matters… This is one of the hardest parts about getting married… Sometimes, you find that you have to cut people off… Hoping for the best for you.
Post # 4
So you say, “Why are all white people racist?” and see what he says.
Post # 5
I’m sorry you are dealing with this! Racism SUCKS. I hate it. I wish I had some advice, but I don’t, just sending hugs your way!
Post # 6
F*ck them, you can marry whomever you choose, you know how he treats you and they only see what they want to see. You are the one marrying him, not them so they can take a flying leap.
I would cut off contact with those people, it’s disgusting they don’t like him because his ethnicity, how much is in his bank account and his job. Sounds like they are losers and you don’t need negative people in your life. I’d also tell my sister/other relatives who are telling you these things to stop telling you them, it’s not going to change your mind about marrying the man you love, it only hurts you.
Post # 7
They are just ignorant and close-minded. People like that do not ever seem to change. Let them be bitter and enjoy marrying the man you love. They can just get over it.
Post # 8
Thank you all so much for being so supportive! It really means so much to me. ~hugs to all!~
Post # 9
@brendaray2009: *HUGS* My parents are horribly racist (they’re Chinese), and it’s awful to deal with. You just have to try to ignore it and realize that closed mindedness only hurts the mind it closes.
Post # 10
Eeek! I’m really sorry some of your family is like this. If it were me, the next time I heard them talk bad about my Fiance, I would call them out on it. I wouldn’t give one f*ck if it embarassed them or pissed them off. If they didn’t change their tune, I would, without hesitation, stop having any sort of contact with them. I have a low tolerance for shallow and racist people.
Post # 11
This makes me so sad 🙁 I’d do what PP’s said–next time they say anything racist or something of the sort, call them out on it. Let them know it’s not okay and it won’t be tolerated, and if they continue- cut contact. It may seem harsh, but your Fiance didn’t warrant any of these negative things. It’s not like he did something terribly wrong to you, where your family would be having a hard time getting past it.
Post # 12
Let them be bitter and enjoy marrying the man you love.