Post # 1
Very active Bee here, but totally going anonymous on this one! Okay, so I have OCD. Clinically diagnosed. My husband’s family is the best. They are amazing. Zero Complaints. I am currently pregnant, and I’m kinda worried because my husband’s family members kiss the little ones on their mouths. His sister has an 8 month old and I totally saw his mom kissing her on her mouth. The thought of her kissing our infant on the mouth literally makes my heart start racing. I think it really scares me because my husband and all of his siblings get cold sores and have since they were very little. I can only guess that they got them from his mom, who also gets them. I do not want our child to get them. My husband is very careful around me when he gets them and I know he will be with the baby. I am not sure his mom/siblings will be. Maybe I am just over thinking this, but it really worries me. Are you okay with people kissing your baby on the mouth? How do I let them know how I’m feeling without hurting their feelings? Also, I’ve let my husband know and he assured me that he would say something, but he was very casual about it. He is not a confrontation type of person. Help!
Post # 2
When you see them, just say that you don’t want your baby to contract the virus and if they have an active cold sore to refrain from kissing the baby. Really, who on earth would think it’s okay to kiss anyone when they have a cold sore, especially a baby?!
Post # 3
I don’t kiss anyone except for my SO on the mouth. My parents and relatives kiss me on the cheeks of just hug me. And, yeah who would kiss a baby when they are sick? That’s gross and worrisome.
Post # 4
Meh as long as they don’t have cold sores I wouldn’t worry about it. If they do I would say something like the PP said.
Post # 5
I would NOT be okay with someone kissing my baby on the mouth if they had a history of cold sores, just because you don’t know how careful they would be. My Darling Husband and I both do get them unfortunately, but we do not come close to each other’s mouths (or other body parts – haha) when we have a cold sore and for almost a week after it’s disappeared, just to be safe.
I would just see if your husband says anything…I can see that it would be awkward for whoever you were trying to tell, hearing “please don’t kiss my baby on the mouth! I don’t want her/him to catch cold sores.” I might mention something along the lines of…”Eek, it’s so weird that people kiss other people’s babies on the mouth!” and hope they catch on lol.
But worst case scenario, you say something yourself. A moment of awkwardness is better than your baby contracting the herps…Honestly.
Post # 6
honestly .. it sounds weird to me.. That relatives kiss little babies on the mouth.. I mean it never happened in my family and I think it is good enough to give baby a kiss on the chick..and it has nothing to do with the cold sores (herpes).. It is just unnecessary in my opinion..
i think you should be honest with your husband and tell him to talk to his relatives about this matter when your baby is born ..I’d rather upset their feelings for 5 mins during this conversation than be nervous and scared every time they kiss your child in a way that you don’t like..
Post # 7
I’ve had cold sores since I was a kid (they suck!) and there are some things that people don’t know.
1. A cold sore can be contagious before you even see it if you don’t notice that tingly feeling that one’s about to pop up.
2. You may actually have come in contact with the virus before. Like many diseases there are people who are carriers and others who actually get active cold sores. It’s estimated that 90% of the population have been infected, but only 20-40% will get the actual sores in their lifetime. (http://www.abreva.com/about-cold-sores/cold-sore-myths/)
I’ve also done a ton of research and figured out the ways to keep me from getting them as much as possible (yoga, exercise, plenty of water, less junk food, less stress, more sleep, green tea every day, lysine, etc.) and research on what to do when you feel one popping up (ice works wonders). Has your husband’s family done the research, talked to their doctors, figured out how to lessen the number of their outbreaks? For me personally, I find that to be very important.
When I have kids, I am going to be sure that I don’t kiss them anywhere near their mouth, eyes or nose. I’d recommend that you instate that rule to start, but allow family members to kiss the top of the head or hands, etc when they don’t have an active cold sore.
If you’re husband is acting casual about it, perhaps you could suggest to him that the both of you talk to his parents about it. That way he can start the conversation but you can then take the lead. I’d suggest instead of going into the situation to tell the parents what the rule is, approach it as a consultation so they feel like they will be heard as well.
Post # 8
I don’t have OCD and I was pretty laid back when baby coconut was born however I would not be cool with kissing on the mouth.
If it happens, just tell people not to. They won’t think you are weird, they will just blame it on being a “first time” mom.
And if they think you’re weird, who cares, as long as they aren’t kissing your kid.
Post # 9
I think you are overreacting. Except when mouth sores are obvious, allow your family to enjoy this bond with your baby. I would have felt so deprived if my sibligs forbade this.
I kissed all of my nieces and nephews on their mouths until they were 6 or 7. Soon thereafter they also stopped holding my hand.
Post # 10
Wouldn’t bother me at all. They could get it from giving her a sip of their drink when she’s three, you can’t protect them from everything.
Post # 11
UGH I faced this very same issue but to avoid problems I shared a “story” about how my aunt’s friend try to kiss her baby on the mouth and how my aunt told her friend not to. I continued to say how in my family we just don’t kiss babies on the mouth even our own children because of germs. Ever since then they never tired and I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings.
Post # 12
sometimes feel uncomfortable kissing my OWN baby on the mouth due to germs. I have a cold now and am only kissing him on the head, well away from his mouth (as well as washing my hands, like, every five minutes). I would not be comfortable with other people kissing him on the mouth due to hygeine reasons, and I am not super uptight about germs in general. Just tell them how you feel, or have your husband tell them! It’s your child and you can make the rules!
Post # 13
Cold sores or not, I dont want anyone but my husband and I giving Lo kisses on the mouth. She however does give mouth kisses to anyone she pleases so I mean what can I do?! I know you want to protect them as much as possible (and I think no mouth kisses is reasonable) but given your diagnosis, you are going to have to learn to let some things go. For instance, I don’t bat an eye at giving my Dear Daughter a paci that fell on the floor because she crawls around at daycare all day – surely that’s much dirtier And she is still alive!
Post # 14
Thanks, Bees! Most of you completely understand where I am coming from. I guess for those who don’t understand, I just don’t understand why one feels the need to kiss a baby/chlld on the mouth! What’s wrong with the top of the head or cheek? The mouth is so gross and germy, why expose a baby to those germs? If my kid accidentally picks up someone’s cup and drinks after them, that’s one thing, but I would be upset if someone offered my kid a drink from their cup. It’s along the same lines of kissing. I just don’t get it. I’m trying to understand, but it’s hard. I’ve just never felt the need to kiss a relative or friend’s baby on the mouth. What does that have to do with bonding.
Post # 15
I kissed my son and daughter on the mouth all the time when they were babies. Also, I don’t get cold sores but my daughter got them frequently and my son never did. When I asked the doctor about my daughter’s, she said some people are just more susceptible to viruses. And unfortunately, the cold sore thing was just a hint of things to come — my daughter always picked up whatever virus was floating around school. My son rarely got sick.
I am not an expert in OCD or health hazards of kissing babies on the mouth, so can’t say whether your concern is valid or is a symptom of the OCD. I honestly don’t recall whether relatives kissed my kids on the mouth, but I would not be the least bit surprised if they did. I was not/would not be concerned unless it was pervy. Germy? … meh.