Post # 1
OK, so my Fiance and I are not exactly going on a honeymoon right after our wedding. As a matter of fact, we will not be going anywhere after our wedding day except to the tranquility of our new house. Unfortunately my parents have other ideas.
Since my parents are inviting many of our relatives from outside NYC to come to our wedding, they have asked me/more told me that they will arrange for a few members of the "family" to stay with us for the duration of their stay. I hate to sound bridezillaish, but I flipped out. My Fiance and I were looking forward to some peace and quiet after the wedding, but now the idea of having to entertain houseguests is leaving a sour taste in both our mouths.
To be fair, we both intended to take the week off because we both had family in town and wanted to spend time with both sides since they would have traveled from so far. But our idea of spending time meant having lunch/dinner, not spending 24 hours chauffering them around.
My Fiance is adamantly against the idea, but being the great husband to be that he is, he also said, if it would make my life easier to appease my parents he would go along with whatever I decided. So the ball is in my court. What should I do? Stand my ground and keep my sanity or appease my parents and be miserable? I should also add that chances are many of these relatives will arrive during the last few crucial and hectic days before my wedding and I will not have the time of day to stay home with them. As a matter of fact, my Fiance and I will be staying at the hotel by our venue the night before, so with possible relatives staying over I will have to hand over my keys or change my plans. Please help me before I cry!
Post # 3
No way. You and Fiance should tell your parents that you will be newlyweds, and no newlywed couple should have houseguests! Do your parents have keys to your house? If not, do NOT hand them over. When your parents tell you who they’ve invited to your house (funny, I always thought only the people actually living there had the right to invite guests!), politely call those people and tell them there’s been a terrible misunderstanding, and you know they wouldn’t want to intrude on you two right after your wedding!
It’s not your responsibility to provide a place for them to stay– stand your ground!
Post # 4
Wow. Absolutely no way! should you have guests stay at your house before, during, or after the wedding! Even if you are not technically going away somewhere, you are on your honeymoon and need to enjoy this time together. Alone.
Stand your ground!!!
Post # 5
I wouldn’t say your are being a bridezilla at ALL! Bridezillas throw temper tantrums in the middle of the nail salon because a bridesmaids toe nails are cotton candy instead of bubble gum pink, not ask to have some time alone with their husband during the traditional "honeymoon" time. I don’t know your family situation, so I can’t really tell you want to do, but I can tell you that you are NOT being unreasonable to ask for your own space! Good luck!!
Post # 6
We didn’t go on a honeymoon immediately either, and not only did we have guests, we had my husband’s sister living with us (both prior to and after the wedding) and his parents stayed at our house the week before/during/after the wedding. We gave up the master bedroom and slept on the floor in another room. NOT what I had always imagined as far as what happens after you get married…. but I was too worried about family relations to make a stink, so I just stewed about it…. and am still slightly bitter to this day.
(his sister still lives with us even now!! AHGH!)
Post # 7
Nope. I can’t believe the relatives would even accept that offer. The last thing you need to add on top of the stress of having a wedding is the stress of hosting people (even if you want them there, it’s stressful). I’m sure they understand…and if they don’t, you don’t want them as guests *ever*. Let mom know in no uncertain terms that it’s out of the question.
Post # 8
It is one thing to meet people for lunch, but an entirely different thing to have them stay in your home during your first week as newlyweds!
Do your parents live in the city? Maybe they could stay with them instead. If I were you, I would explain to my parents that even though you are not going away, you and your new husband would like to enjoy some alone time.
Post # 9
I would really be apalled if my parents asked me to house and entertain guests right after my wedding. I actually have a cousin from Omaha who wanted to stay with us the week of the wedding. I politely explained that during the week of the wedding we will be too busy to entertain and/or check on him and that we plan to leave right afterwards so it would be best if he stayed with other relatives or in a hotel. I honestly believe it is selfish of anyone to ask you and your new husband to entertain anyone. Although we all know that the wedding is for the family (I’m not sure if it was ever about the bride and groom), the honeymoon is for specifically for the newly married couple. People think that if you are not going out of town, or if you have been together for a while, that you don’t need that time BUT THAT IS SO WRONG! That is your time, and I wouldn’t give it up for ANYONE! Politely tell your parents that you don’t want to have houseguests, explain why, and you and your fiance enjoy your time in your new home doing what married folks do!
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2007 - The PPG Aquarium at the Pittsburgh Zoo
No. No no no. You are absolutely not responsible for housing any of your guests. It was awfully rude of your parents if they made any promises on your behalf, doubly so if they booked people to stay in your house on your wedding night.
My my father’s mother stayed with my parents the night after they got married. My mother is still pissed even after 30 years.
Post # 11
I’m surprised they even asked.
Post # 12
Plain and simple. NO! Put your foot down. It’s your house not your parents. You are no longer living under their roof with their rules. It’s simply rude and disrespectful to expect that you will house family members especially after your own wedding. Even though you are not physically going anywhere doesn’t mean you don’t get a honeymoon period.
Post # 13
It looks like the Hive has spoken!
Post # 14
Is it possible for you guys to vacate your apartment, and to stay somewhere else for a day or two?
If my wife’s relatives were in town from overseas and asked to stay with me, I’d feel obliged to let them stay in my place (I’d wish they wouldn’t ask, but once they do… I’d feel obliged). But I’d probably just get a hotel for 2 nights nearby, so me and the missus could have a little alone time together.
A hotel for 2 nights is a lot of money, but it’s cheaper than putting all the relatives up for a week? There are some nice B&B’s in Chelsea that aren’t that expensive. Or maybe I’d take a minimoon up to an Inn in upstate NY (you can take the bus to some of them, and it’s cheaper rates during the week – so you could do the whole thing for $250 or so).
Post # 15
Wow, I touched a hotbutton! I guess I should start by saying, thanks for the show of support! It means a lot (probably so much I’m going to cry anyways!)
As a background, my family is very used to doing the whole stuff as many people as you can in the house as possible to save money. With that said, my family that would stay with us would be from my mothers side mostly and while I love them dearly, it just wouldn’t sit right with my Fiance and I to have to open our new home to them given the circumstances. Granted none of them have seen our new house and they would be more than welcome to stay if it were for vacation or someone else’s wedding, it just doesn’t seem appropriate given the situation.
In the same boat is my sister and my cousin. Apparently the cost of a hotel stay is way too expensive and my parents find it rude that we wouldn’t try to house them given the money they are spending to come to our wedding. So in addition to our home, they have also opened the doors to my sister’s new place and my cousins home. I feel their frustration but luckily I have more of an excuse to turn them down then my sister and cousin.
Mr. Bee, my Fiance is pretty much in your boat and he understands the circumstances which is why he is not arguing with me on it. (Sometimes dealing with my parents logically is not an option, he’s chosen to leave the decision to me.) On the same token he also has family coming from abroad, so to say that my family can stay with us and his can’t would be highly unfair.
As for renting a B&B, our stance is we pay more than enough mortgage on our new house and to have to pay for a hotel stay so that our family doesn’t have to spend the money seems a bit odd to me. We’re already paying for the wedding in full all by ourselves so financially we are strapped for money as is and there’s no guarantee that the relatives would only be staying a week, so that would mean I would have to find a place to put my dog in the interim as well.
I’m open to any more ideas and suggestions from both perspectives! Love you all! Thanks!
Post # 16
I would absolutely go with your gut on this one. And if being polite and insistent with your parents doesn’t work, you may want to try the tactic of saying "I think Uncle Vern and Aunt Erma will very embarrassed to hear my husband and I on our wedding night" And if your parents think you should hold off on having sex after your wedding, ask them to reflect on their newlywed time. I’ve always found that asking my mom to think about what she would have wanted when she was getting married/having kids/etc helps give her a new perspective. Good luck!