Post # 1
Hello, this is my first post!
We’re having a destination wedding.
I’m an expat living in the US and I haven’t seen my relatives on my dad’s side more than a decade. I’m really not close to them at all.
However it’s a great vacation destination, so they are coming, after my father offered to pay for their accommodation (without consulting me).
I think it’s a nice gesture and I have no problem for them doing that for my relatives on mom’s side, whom I am very close to and FH has actually met.
I worked very hard to get an affordable accommodation option; the only catch is that you’d have to share a unit (*very* spacious, has 2 bathrooms) with others. I thought that wouldn’t be a problem with old people sharing with their family.
No. they wanted their own unit per couple. so my dad is paying for 2x as much for their accommodation in a nice resort.
Of course they are not used to American weddings so their standards may be different. I just had to vent. UGH!!
I thought their request was rude. What do you ladies think!?
Post # 3
@gettingmauid: I kinda agree. If someone was paying my way, I would take their conditions (or just decline).
Post # 4
I agree. If I were the guests I’d be thankful that someone was paying for my lodging and deal with sharing. Or if I was that upset about it, I’d offer to split the cost so you’re father would still pay the same amount.
Post # 5
@heather25: i totally agree with you, if the weren’t happy with the very generous request offered then they should make their own plans for accomodation.
Post # 6
Yea, kinda rude of them.. I hate when people make a big deal out of small issues. However, your dad seems pretty generous.. and if he doesn’t have a problem with it..I wouldn’t let it bother me. You have enough things to worry about
Post # 7
Thank you ladies, for agreeing with my frustration!
The thing is, my dad is retiring this year and my parents have my mentally ill brother to take care of.
I’d hate them to spend so much money on unnecessary things like this.
We’re paying for our wedding, and our rule was to help with travel expenses if we can’t have a wedding without the person and she/he couldn’t afford to come otherwise (for example FH’s sister, but his parents are covering the cost).
Post # 8
In the USA, wedding guests are responsible for their own transportation and lodging costs. Your father’s offer to pay for shared accommodations was more than generous. The guests should either accept the gracious offer on the terms stated or decline and pay for their own rooms if they don’t want to share.
Post # 9
RUDE! If they don’t like it, they should pay for their own unit, IMO!
Post # 10
I agree with the other posters – one would expect these relatives to say “Thank you for your generous help with the accommodations.” However, this doesn’t seem to be your reality – as unfortunate as that may be.
But the agreement to pay for their lodging is between these relatives and your father. While it is natural and generous of you to want to protect your parents, in this case, it sounds as though you don’t have much of a say in the situation. These relatives are your father’s family, and it’s his money to spend. Other than this situation occuring in conjuction with your weding, you aren’t really involved in the agreement. (As far as I can tell from your post.)
It’s unlikely your dad would have offered to foot the bill for their accommodations if he couldn’t comfortably afford to do so. And as they are his family, he might have had an idea that they would “request” their own units.
So – rant away if it helps you “blow off steam”, but try to limit it to the internet, not real life – they’re still family. And as hard as it might be, try not to worry too much about the arrangement, let your dad handle this one. You have enough other things to focus on to plan your upcoming wedding.
Post # 11
Yes, I completely understand your comment. That’s what my FH tells me to calm me down… if my dad wants to pay for them, just let him. He wants to show off our wedding to his relatives. And yes, complaining anonymously online really helps!!
It’s just so upsetting that they are being put up at nicer units than us bride & groom (I don’t mind it for my other relatives because they’ve been very good to us). It’s about family, right? They don’t even like each other enough to share a spacious condo unit. That’s the true reason they each want a unit. It didn’t even occur to me. Why are they coming to our wedding anyway?? A nice acation, with free accommodation!
I specifically chose the location because I wanted my mom to have a good time, not to blow so much money for my relatives who wouldn’t have come had it been held where we currently live (St. Louis, MO). I can’t believe they are taking advantage of my dad this way.
Post # 12
While I’m not involved in their accommodation cost, I am paying for per person cost for the reception, for sure. Grrrrr.