Post # 1
One more thing – inviting relatives. This is something I’ve occasionally thought about for a few years now, even before meeting my dude. I have some relatives that pretty much ignore and exclude my mom and so obviously they are no longer close. She does not speak to her dad at all and never liked his wife. Now, my granddad and his wife flew me up to see them as a college graduation present so I have actually seen them in my adult life but they play no other role. However, it just feels so improper to exclude them, like putting the last nails in the coffin to ruin any potential of me having a relationship with them. Do I want a relationship with them? No idea. They were never great grandparents (not very kid friendly when we were growing up) but the grandparents I REALLY liked died before I finished even high school. The wife’s granddaughter apparently got married without inviting them and it was so awkward to see a comment on Facebook of my granddad saying how hurt/unhappy his wife was that she wasn’t even told about/invited to the wedding. I would feel a bit crappy if I pulled that move on them. They’re so.. old… And if I invite them, do I also invite the several aunts and uncles that don’t really include my mom (or really speak to my siblings and I either, though they haven’t been outrightly cold). And the cousins who I haven’t seen or spoken to since I was like 12?? I’m guessing I won’t invite them as I just don’t really know them as people or especially adults, but I guess that’s a part of adulthood I am still adjusting to – those choices of who to keep in your life and who to move away from. Anyone have similar experiences/struggles with who to invite to such a special and personal occasion? Obviously wedding budget, preferred venue size, and cost per plate would also play a role.
Post # 2
I have a huge family and there are definitely some members that I never see (I didn’t even know one Aunt/Uncle/set of cousins existed until I was a teenager), but I will be inviting all of my Aunts, Uncles, and first cousins (~50 people) and a select few of my further extended family (~10) who I am actually close to. I’m lucky that my Fiance has a very small family, because we are trying to keep our guest list under 130 people and my family alone takes up half of the list! I think inviting in circles is the best move, absent extinuating circumstances.
Post # 3
Everybody has issues with this! I think you should invite grandfather & wife, they did make the effort to fly you up to see them. It would shut the door on them if you didn’t invite them. But after that, no, imo, you don’t have to invite a bunch of people you don’t want, just because you invited them. There is no indication they even expect that.
I believe in common sense when it comes to inviting. Don’t invite the distant relatives you have met once, when you were 7, but do invite the sister-in-law’s insufferable snot of a long-term boyfriend, as long as he won’t disrupt anything.
Post # 4
You invite those you feel close enough to invite. In your case, the grandparents, I would invite. In regards to your aunts and uncles, I think this is something that likely needs to be discussed with your mother. I am personally not inviting one uncle on my moms side or the cousins because my mother had a HUGE falling out with them after her sister died and they were very disrespectful to her. In my case, some of them would travel to come just to cause drama… and I don’t need drama at my wedding…. neither do you.
Post # 5
I can see inviting gramps, but not all the aunts and uncles and cousins who don’t speak to you.
We had the same dilemma, and it was pretty simple… If we haven’t seen them (except his god parents) in the 3, almost 4 years we have been dating, they weren’t invited. This allowed more room for the friends who have been like family from day 1 to be present. 🙂
Post # 6
technically the rule is that you invite all people of a certain generation/family type. If mom’s parents are invited, dad’s parents are invited (in your case obviously there is just this one set anyway). If you invite mom’s sister, you invite her brother as well. So you can invite just the grandparents, no aunts/uncles because that’s just not how it’s going.
I had a similar situation, but without me feeling unwanted or anything like that. I felt like I needed to invite people from dad’s side of the family, not just mom’s, but we’re not close (he’s an only child, parents passed). We don’t spend holidays together or anything like that. In recent years our neck of the family has been invited to reunions with them, but I live 2000 miles away and can’t come. So I invited the ones I felt closest to as a kid… his cousin’s widow (much older than he) and one set of their children, asking them to represent that part of the family. I don’t even really know the rest of them! In the end they declined and I can’t be sure that other members weren’t upset not to get invited, or that they didn’t want to come once they realized no one else was. Facebook seems to indicate no hard feelings, so I guess we’re good. I definitely broke the rules here and it caused some worry on my part, but if you’re not even connected, then it really shouldn’t matter.
Post # 7
I think you may regret not inviting them, as you said they are old so you don’t have a lot of time to try to get a better relationship with them. I would not feel obligated to invite aunts and uncles. But your grandfather and his wife did make an effort by flying you out to visit them. I guess the main thing to think about is if in a year he pass would you regret not invite him? If there’s even the slightest doubt that you would then just invite them, they’ll be one of many guser, so it’s not like it’s an awkward dinner, and it may help you sleep better at night knowing that you did attempt to have a better relationship with them.