(Closed) Relatives – who makes the cut

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Hostess
3935 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I have a huge family and there are definitely some members that I never see (I didn’t even know one Aunt/Uncle/set of cousins existed until I was a teenager), but I will be inviting all of my Aunts, Uncles, and first cousins (~50 people) and a select few of my further extended family (~10) who I am actually close to.  I’m lucky that my Fiance has a very small family, because we are trying to keep our guest list under 130 people and my family alone takes up half of the list!  I think inviting in circles is the best move, absent extinuating circumstances. 

Post # 3
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Everybody has issues with this! I think you should invite grandfather & wife, they did make the effort to fly you up to see them. It would shut the door on them if you didn’t invite them. But after that, no, imo, you don’t have to invite a bunch of people you don’t want, just because you invited them. There is no indication they even expect that.

I believe in common sense when it comes to inviting. Don’t invite the distant relatives you have met once, when you were 7, but do invite the sister-in-law’s insufferable snot of a long-term boyfriend, as long as he won’t disrupt anything.

Post # 4
Member
2805 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You invite those you feel close enough to invite. In your case, the grandparents, I would invite. In regards to your aunts and uncles, I think this is something that likely needs to be discussed with your mother. I am personally not inviting one uncle on my moms side or the cousins because my mother had a HUGE falling out with them after her sister died and they were very disrespectful to her. In my case, some of them would travel to come just to cause drama… and I don’t need drama at my wedding…. neither do you. 

Post # 5
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I can see inviting gramps, but not all the aunts and uncles and cousins who don’t speak to you. 

We had the same dilemma, and it was pretty simple… If we haven’t seen them (except his god parents) in the 3, almost 4 years we have been dating, they weren’t invited. This allowed more room for the friends who have been like family from day 1 to be present. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
6718 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

technically the rule is that you invite all people of a certain generation/family type.  If mom’s parents are invited, dad’s parents are invited (in your case obviously there is just this one set anyway).  If you invite mom’s sister, you invite her brother as well.  So you can invite just the grandparents, no aunts/uncles because that’s just not how it’s going.

I had a similar situation, but without me feeling unwanted or anything like that.  I felt like I needed to invite people from dad’s side of the family, not just mom’s, but we’re not close (he’s an only child, parents passed).  We don’t spend holidays together or anything like that.  In recent years our neck of the family has been invited to reunions with them, but I live 2000 miles away and can’t come.  So I invited the ones I felt closest to as a kid… his cousin’s widow (much older than he) and one set of their children, asking them to represent that part of the family.   I don’t even really know the rest of them!  In the end they declined and I can’t be sure that other members weren’t upset not to get invited, or that they didn’t want to come once they realized no one else was.  Facebook seems to indicate no hard feelings, so I guess we’re good.  I definitely broke the rules here and it caused some worry on my part, but if you’re not even connected, then it really shouldn’t matter.

Post # 7
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I think you may regret not inviting them, as you said they are old so you don’t have a lot of time to try to get a better relationship with them. I would not feel obligated to invite aunts and uncles. But your grandfather and his wife did make an effort by flying you out to visit them.  I guess the main thing to think about is if in a year he pass would you regret not invite him? If there’s even the slightest doubt that you would then just invite them, they’ll be one of many guser, so it’s not like it’s an awkward dinner, and it may help you sleep better at night knowing that you did attempt to have a better relationship with them.

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