(Closed) relax?!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@katydiddle:Maybe he was not interested in having the conversation.

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

He probably finds the theory that you don’t have a ring on your finger yet because you are doing something wrong ludicrous and surely plans on proposing, so he told you to chill. Makes sense to me!

Post # 5
Member
7515 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Ugh.  My Darling Husband had this awful habit of saying “relax” whenever something upset me, relationship related or not.  I hated it & asked him to stop, which he has.  He even does it with the dog.

I hated it because it made me feel so not validated for my feelings.  I still cringe when I think about it.  I think he meant it to be reassuring, but it was infuriating.

Post # 6
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

My SO says “Calm down” – that sounds worse that relax.  LOL!

Maybe he’s saying “relax” because you too are getting a ring soon.

Friend of mine just got engaged – but she totally deserved it and I’m so happy for her BUT I did feel the twinge of jealousy.  Especially when I found out it was a 3.5 carot diamond.  A blue diamond.  I mean really…..

I’d settle for 2/3 of a carot for my little hands.

but – she totally deserves everything that’s happening to her.

Post # 7
Member
7515 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@prshadow:

Do you HATE it?  It sounds so patronizing to me when they do that!

Post # 8
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Good things happen to bad people all the time. 

What does “relax” mean?  Easy translation:  “Lay off the ring talk because I’m tired of it.”

Laugh if you will, but I’ll say something like “That entryway hall really needs to be repainted” and Darling Husband will say “Relax.” meaning “I know it does and it’ll get done eventually, so stop telling me about it.”

Post # 9
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@katydiddle: It sounds to me like it could be really frustrating to have some be dismissive of your feelings like that. Like someone saying “You’re cute when you’re mad.”

If thats a regular thing, you could talk to him about it.

For this particular situation, I agree with previous posters that he probably didn’t want to have that conversation right then, and maybe thought you were worked up about something that was unnecessary to be.

(And stop comparing yourself to others, girl! I’m sure you are a wonderful and fascinating person, and hopefully if you really think about it you wouldn’t trade your life for hers any day of the week. Just because someone hit a milestone before you, doesn’t mean that you won’t get there someday, or that hitting it earlier is necessarily better for you. I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, trust me, I’m guilty of this sometimes too- especially when others get pregnant and I want to be, but your life is going to be full of joy and wonderful, and if it all came at once you wouldn’t get to enjoy every minute of it fully)

Post # 10
Member
7515 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@elivt:

Ahhhh, you summed it up perfectly–how that “relax” thing my Darling Husband did made me feel!

Post # 11
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Ugh, I HATE it when my Fiance tells me to “relax.”  It’s so condescending and dismissive! I’d usually respond with “and why, exactly, should I relax?”  He’ll usually just stare at me like a deer in headlights and quietly slink out of the room. 😀

Post # 12
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee

My SO has a habit of doing this to me too. Drives me batshit crazy!

He’s probably chuckling inside a bit because he knows that you’re just being a bit ridiculous (which I’m very guilty of doing myself). Unfortunately, guys don’t go into much detail, so although he’s probably thinking “relax, you’re doing nothing wrong. She’ll probably end up divorced in a few months anyways”, we only hear the “relax” part of it. I swear I’ve read somewhere that for every 7 words or something a woman says, a man says one.

I’m not going to go on to say that he’s probably planning a proposal, because there’s nothing worse than hyping up an already “waiting” girl’s brain (don’t even breathe the word proposal around me!), but I will tell you to be jealous, but only just for a moment. And then relish in the fact that she may have the ring, but you have the long-lasting relationship based on trust and love that she may not.

Laughing

 

Post # 13
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

When I watch Bridezilla I say to myself all the time what do guys see in these women? Everyone’s relationship is different and you will never understand the dynamics of someone else’s relationship.

Your guy was probably saying relax because he didn’t see the connection with said girl on FB and you not being engaged. Seriously why get upset over FB, just relax. He seems like a sane guy. Would you rather he said, I know she doesn’t even deserve to be engaged??

Post # 14
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@BanditGirl:  I’d be really tempted to wait until he wanted me to cook dinner or something and reply “relax.”  

Post # 15
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@7mom:  Your guy was probably saying relax because he didn’t see the connection with said girl on FB and you not being engaged. Seriously why get upset over FB, just relax.

Telling someone to “just relax” in a vent about being told to “relax” is far from helpful. 

Post # 16
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Sounds like he has it all under control and maybe your getting a pretty ring soon!!!

I too get the “Relax baby” followed up by the “breathe baby”  makes me more annoyed so he’s working on it. 

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