- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
so let me prefrace this all by saying that i love my Fiance more than i ever thought was possible to love anyone else. there are ZERO doubts in my mind that this is absolutely the person i am meant to spend the rest of my life with. i cannot wait until we are married and, in fact, most days it feels impossible that we have soooo long until our wedding!!!
all that being said, when i think about our actual wedding ceremony, i feel a range emotions from stiffling frustration to anger to general meh-ness… needless to say these are NOT adjectives i ever want associated with marrying the love of my life. also, i am not sure meh-ness is a word.
i was always a girl who said that for me the reception would be great but the important thing was the ceremony. that is the point of the whole wedding thing, and when i got married i would want to make sure the celebration was about the nuptuals first and foremost. for me i always though that meant something along the lines of a beautiful outdoor location, hopefully something with sentimental meaning to one or both of us. i imagined music we felt connected with and readings from the books and stories that mattered to us. I pictured the person officiating the ceremony to be someone we knew or at least someone who felt the same way about the world that we did.
Fiance, however, comes from a gigantic Irish Catholic family. he went to Catholic schools and all of his sibilings were married in the catholic church (even the one who eloped to Vegas…) his parents go to church every day and when his mom called to congratulate me on our engagement, the first question she asked me is if i had told my hometown parish yet. note: there is nothing wrong with any of that. if they find meaning and fulfillment through that religion, great. more power to them. but that’s not me…
frankly, it’s not US.
but Fiance wants it anyway. at the beginning of this process, i though i didnt mind. i said fine. my best friend had just had a catholic ceremony a month before and it wasnt the worst. but she had also said she didnt care at all about the ceremony and that she thought that could have done it up a little more personally. flash foward to today, and man was she wrong. we have talked with a few churches and it seems like in a catholic ceremony, there is nothing personal at all. your only choices are sitting or standing, and which old testament verse you want to have read.
again, this would all be fine if we were religious. i totally see the merit of a religious ceremony if god is a part of your relationship. the last time i attended mass was probably 2003, and only because i was told there would be brunch after. Fiance has been maybe 1 time in the last 2 years, because he “happened to be awake, the church was across the street and why not?”
i am not anti religion, or even anti catholocism. i was raised a catholic girl (i still have the guilt to prove it), but in my grown up years, i have felt no connection to the church. some reasons are personal, some are political. and the thought of having to deal with this huge religious undertaking, when it means nothing to me at all, is such a weight on my shoulders.
upon reviewing the rule book for getting married at one church yesterday at work, i started crying. right here at my desk. the rule book stated our readers must be “moral people with good reputations.” it rubbed me the wrong way. and more importanly, reading through the approved readings nothing spoke to me. nothing felt like us.
i am fine with doing the premarriage classes they want you to do (FI has voiced that this is something that he really thinks is a good idea), i am even fine with saying we will raise our kids in the catholic faith. but i cant get past no personalized vows, no connection to the ceremony itself.
i HATE this feeling. HATE HATE HATE it. i want to feel so excited to get to my ceremony. but all i can think is that i hate everything about it already. i KNOW that Fiance will let me have a secular ceremony in a heartbeat if i ask, but isnt that a crappy thing to do. since hes already said how much he wants to be married in the church? isnt that what the whole “compromise” thing is about?
would it be insane, or even possible to have 2 ceremonies somehow?
do i need to just get overmyself??