Post # 1
First let me say that this post is in no way to offend… I realize this is an especially touchy subject, what with the “Abstinence” thread blowing up from a few days ago… Just wondering peoples views on this…
I found this article today and found it very interesting:
How Christians spoil sex
I went to a Christian high school and have seen this happen to many of my friends – they are brought up feeling guilty about sex, so even when they get married, sex is not enjoyable for them. They still feel as if its wrong.
We were taught absitence-only education which I am very passionate against… I saw how it affected peoples views on sex. It scared people into saving themsevles instead of allowing people to make personal decisions. I am very avid that all teens should be educated on abstinence as well as how to protect themselves if they choose not to remain abstinent.
I’d love to hear views from both sides of this. Because I am on the “non-religious” side of things and tend to agree with this article, I’d love to hear the regligious BEES point of view.
Post # 3
i grew up catholic, and went to catholic school all the way thru highschool. i was taught abstinence only education and had all the religion classes to go along with it. on the other hand, my mom was very open with me and when i was ready she helped me get on birth control and protect myself. im fairly sure that if my mom would not have been the way she was, i would have ended up knocked up or something worse. i am so thankful that she steered me in the right direction. i am a strong believer in abstinence education plus education about birthcontrol stds and other sex related topics including the emotion aspect of it.
Post # 4
I went to Catholic school my entire life and honestly I guess my education was the minority for Catholic schools, but I was never taught that sex in general was bad. I was always taught that sex before marriage was what was bad. I remember one teacher comparing it to eating a candybar w/o taking the wrapper off. It’s still candy but its not as great as it can be. While I didn’t obey the rules on that one I did think it was a good analogy for trying to teach the no sex thing. We also learned about protection in addition to abstinence but it was more like, condoms and BC are bad and here’s why, but if you’re going to sin you need to at least be smart about it.
Post # 5
i think a big problem is that people say “sex is a sin” when really, it’s not the sex that’s a sin but the having sex outside of marriage that is the sin. unfortunately that isn’t properly taught the way it should be. from a biblical perspective, sex is a great thing in within the context of marriage and something that neither the wife or husband should withhold from the other
i grew up with a mix of sexual education from school to the abstinence teaching from church so it was fairly balanced. that’s what i plan on teaching my kids. i’ll teach them what they need to know and leave the ultimate decision to them because it is a personal decision either way.
Post # 6
Well, I grew up in a religious household and was taught that abstinence is the only way. I was a virgin until my wedding night (was 28 when I was married). While I was taught to wait until marriage to have sex, ultimately, it was my decision and choice. And…I love sex and in no way feel guilty at all when my husband and I have it.
Post # 7
I was raised Christian, went to Christian school all my life, etc, etc. I’ll be the first to admitt that my upbringing negatively affected my sex life.
I was taught that sex outside of marriage was bad and that sex inside of marriage was good. I did sleep with my husband before we were married, but because of the way I was raised I just assumed that sex would drastically change once we were married. I thought the heavens would open up and the angels would sing and it would be the most amazing, intense thing I’d ever experienced.
Well, it wasn’t, and I had a really hard time with that. A really, REALLY hard time with that. I still felt guilty for having sex, even after we were married. It was really rough on me.
I ended up seeing a counselor and working through it, but it took a while. I’m happy to report that everything is great now, and I’m quite happy with sex within marriage 🙂
Post # 8
I don’t really agree with the article. Out of my close circle of friends I’m one of the only ones who didn’t wait. I feel very safe in saying that all my married friends (who did wait) very much enjoy sex. I would also like to add that I think some of them are way more “kinky” than I will ever be, I don’t think they feel an ounce of guilt having sex with their husbands.
Post # 9
@tea: I agree. I was raised to believe that sex before marriage was a sin. They always used the Christmas in July example. Christmas was supposed to be your wedding night and having sex before marriage was like having Christmas in July.
My mama always told me to talk to her if I had any questions about sex. She told me that sex was something that I should not just share with anyone. She said that when you have sex with someone you are having sex with each other’s past sexual partners. And that I should know a potential partner’s past to protect myself from Save-The-Date Cards. She also told me that I should never have sex with someone who I wouldn’t want to be my child’s father because everytime you sleep with someone there is some chance of getting pregnant.
At the end of the day, FH and I made our own personal decision.
Post # 10
thanks for sharing that article. i grew up in a conservative household (my parents never talked about IT), went to a Christian college and did grow up feeling sex was sinful and shameful. i saw many college friends go through early divorces because of issues relating to religious teachings on sex.
lucky for me, i had a very progressive and liberal biblical studies professor who practically used and entire class talking about how it is not shameful or sinful, but something that was the greatest pleasure. i had a total “aha” moment and have enjoyed…well, you know.
Post # 11
Thanks for all your responses, ladies! I find it interesting that most of you had parents at home balancing out what you were (or were not) taught in school. My parents did not talk to me about it at all, much like emtheartist wrote.
I remember going to “the clinic” in high school feeling so ashamed… it would have been nice to have my parents to talk to.
Post # 12
@trugem: what’s ironic about that is Jesus was quite possibly born in the summertime!
Post # 13
I was taught that sex can get you pregnant or give you Save-The-Date Cards, so just don’t until you’re married. Sex before marriage was more or less demonized. One of the girls I was brought up around got married… And then didn’t want to have sex because it was dirty and wrong, and referred to it as rape for several months afterwards (one of those girls whose life goals is to raise loads of kids… Apparently not realizing that loads of kids means loads of sex, and wanting to have sex with your husband is a Good Thing.)
Our pastor, on the other hand, preached about sex – including spicing up the sex life (positions, lube, sex toys… it was great, and actually rather hilarious. Just wish it had been before above girl’s wedding.) My parents’ Sunday school spent about two months on Song of Songs and sex.
So Christianity and good sex can work together… But often the parents and young adult leaders spend so much time talking against sex, they make it into something dirty and wrong, regardless of marriage.
Post # 14
I’m not really religious but I do enjoy a religious experience .
When my partner can make me say”Oh God!”, that qualifies as a religious experience to me.
Post # 15
@julies1949: Haha! That just made my day! I enjoy the same “religious experience” quite often!