(Closed) Relocated and completely miserable…anyone else out there in this boat too?

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
297 posts
Helper bee

I grew up in Virginia, and all my family lives there. Four years ago, my husband and I moved to North Carolina so I could go to grad school. My plan was to graduate and immediately move back to Virginia. Yeah… that didn’t happen. My husband and I hated it down here as soon as we moved, though I really can’t explain why (at least for me). After I graduated, I ended up getting offered a full time job at the company I worked at through school, so we stayed.

I think finding things you like, like a new hobby, new friends, a cool house/apartment, a pet, etc are really helpful. I’ve never been to Austin, but I hear it’s a hip place, so maybe check out the hot spots to help you fall in love with your new town. For me, the thing that helped the most was to stop thinking so negatively about North Carolina. Instead of thinking about how much I hated it and how much I wanted to leave, I just tried to accept the situation and make the best of it. I still want to move back to Virginia, especially since we’re planning on starting a family soon, but I’m happier here now. I think eventually you’ll like it better once the homesickness fades and you make friends.

ETA: My husband went to Ohio State, and he would love to move back to Columbus. It’s a really cool place, so I can understand why you miss it.

Post # 4
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I can feel your pain.  I moved in Jan from all my family and friends to be with DH in Florida.  It’s  SO freaking hot here, there are bugs the size of my head, and the small town we live in has no jobs, so I haven’t found one yet. 

 We also didn’t have a honeymoon, we had our wedding in his hometown and no way was I going to have my entire family around me and leave them, I wanted to spend time with them. We did do alot of romantic things to make up for it, and that part I’m ok with, maybe you guys could do that? Take a weekend somewhere?

His whole family lives here and they are really great, I am so lucky that we all get along….. .but my whole family is a 14 hour car drive away.  It did feel good when I stole my niece, 8years old, for a month over the summer lol, but it really hurt making the exchange and not being around family. 

I think I just have to give it time, I think this time next year I’ll feel better about things.  I love the town, I love the people here, I just wish some of my friends and family were closer.  I’m sure once I get a job, and get into a routine it will make me feel better, plus we will have the money to fly home more.

Post # 5
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think it just takes time.  My Fiance and I recently relocated from Dallas to NYC-area (Jersey City waterfront) and although there are a lot of things I like about my new city, there were a lot of things that I’ve had to adjust to.  See my thread here where I was complaining: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/spinoff-when-you-moved-from-one-place-to-another-what-irritated-you-the-most

Honestly, like you, the thing that I hated most about New Jersey at first was that it wasn’t Dallas. Or in your case, sub Ohio and Austin. Meaning, I didn’t have all my close friends here(boo), I didn’t have my beautiful townhouse(too expensive here, we’re in a 1 bedroom for twice the price–boo), people in retail aren’t nice (boo), everything is expensive (boo).

But I’ve now been here 3 months, and it’s growing on me.  I still don’t have any close girl friends, but I joined Meetup and started going to a women’s book club that’s actually a lot of fun anhd I’m starting to get to know some girls at work….but these things take time.  Give it a year (I know that seems long), and it will probably grow on you a lot. 

And join meetup or couchsurfing and start going to meetings to meet new friends!  Having friends makes any city great.



Post # 6
6458 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

What are some of your hobbies?  I recently (omg it’s been a year) moved to a part of the country I NEVER thought I would have to live in.  I don’t particularly like it here, but I love my fiance, and I have some okay friends here.  The thing that made the biggest difference was joing the rugby team — something familiar (albeit from college, which was years ago!) that I love, with people who also love it.  I also go to a bookclub occasionally (when it doesn’t interfere with rugby).  

What are you doing for your job? 

What are some things you like to do?

Post # 7
2468 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Aw! I was in Austin recently and I loved it! (I have some family there too) I think I loved it… because it wasn’t summertime. I’m from VA and moved to FL… and I ABSOLUTELY HATE summer in the south! I would try to focus on the things you do like down there?? Do you love a particular type of food there that you can’t get up in Ohio? The weather is pretty awesome there in the winter… so I don’t know if that’s a factor in you not liking it. Also I would definitely look into local clubs (running, knitting, book, you name it) the more people you mee… the more friends you’ll make.. and THEY will be able to show you the really cool parts of the town you’re in! Maybe try to look around for some cool parks (if that’s what you’re into) 

Anyways I hope it does get better! I also just moved from Pensacola to Tallahassee. As much as I like my new town.. it’s nowhere near as awesome as P’cola… but that may also be because.. all of my new Florida friends are there… so we’ll see how this new town goes. 

Post # 8
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Congratulations!  You’ve made it through the absolute worst part of the year for Texans, August. Get you some spectricide to hook up to the water hose and spray your yard and the bugs will be a distant memory.  There are lots of groups and activities in Austin to join and many beautiful places to go for a weekendhoneymoon (Fredricksburg, Gruene, Canyon Lake, Frio River). I hate change too. I hope you meet some wonderful girl friends and starting liking Texas soon.  I promise it will get better. 

Post # 9
1182 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’d rather be in Vancouver than Austin too. ๐Ÿ™‚

Do you have a job there yet? Have you found things to do outside the house so you can start making friends and meeting people?  

Post # 10
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@bluebelle23:  This. 

We moved right after our wedding too, and I don’t have any friends here. DH landed a job, and I’m still looking so it’s tough. I totally agree with start getting involved in the city and it gets better. I bought a $15 living social for Yoga, and have been meeting people there. There’s all sorts of activities. In DC there’s TONS of free stuff on the weekends that DH and I are exploring on our Saturdays (that there isn’t a SEC game of football he’s interested in!) It’s hard as hell at first, but it gets better. We haven’t had an opportunity to fully enjoy being newlyweds as we moved 600 miles away, I started studying for the bar, took the bar in July, took the Ethics test in August, and have now been looking for jobs. But, I KNOW it’ll get better, and this rough patch will make you guys stronger!

Post # 11
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First off (( HUGS )) cause it sounds like you need one…

I haven’t been to Texas yet (on my MUST GET TO LIST) so I can’t really comment too much on the “culture” there… I do know that the climate is pretty extreme in its own way (not in the same essence as “extreme” tho as Ohio or Canada)

Had a pen-pal once who lived in Texas, and she told me the Summer heat was BEYOND HOT it was OVERBEARING – REPRESSIVE – and DEPRESSING all at the same time !!

What I can speak to is Relocation… I’ve done that a couple of times in my life.  And truthfully it WAS ALWAYS DIFFICULT.  Change isn’t easy.

Even if you have a great job to go to… it is hard to leave friends, family and the KNOWN things behind to go somewhere new and start over.

In my experience it takes as a minimum a year to fully fit in / adjust.  You kind of have to go thru a full calendar to see everything and how it falls together… then in year two, you have some points of reference that you are familiar with / can relate to.

As the others have said, ya need to find things to make the transition easier.  Clubs, Sports, Nights on the Town.  Playing Tourist to see the sights etc.

Post Wedding Blues are the norm for many Brides.  And not having had the opportunity / chance ot have a Honeymoon is certainly a factor.

You and your Hubby now that you both have jobs, and an income in hand… need to schedule some sort of get-away… be it a weekend or a week.  It needs to take priority and “get on the books” as something to look forward to.  AND REMEMBER it is your Honeymoon, so it needs to be romantic and “planned for” (so time to pack some great clothes, and go buy some sexy lingerie just for that occasion).  Having something to look forward to… WILL SPARK ROMANCE !!

Heck as Newlyweds in a New City, you could even make Austin your “Destination”.  Good way to build important memories, and fall in love with the city IMO

Hope this helps,


Post # 13
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I feel your pain! My husband and I were in a “blissful” long distance relationship for several months before we got married. We met in Chicago and had a great time dating in our beautiful city. Right around the time we got engaged, he got offered a job in Northern Michigan – 350 miles from home. I put on a brave face and decided I was totally on board with moving my life – but I had no idea how it would be until after the wedding when we left home and drove north to settle in. It’s hard! It’s sooooo hard. But don’t give up. I went through something very similar…crying all the time, depressed, anxious, annoyed with my husband. He’s being very supportive and that’s helped us both start to see this place as home. 

When I was going through the darkest of times (probably what you’re experiencing now) I reached out to a friend that shared a story about one her friends that had the same thing happen.  She told me it took her friend a solid year not to HATE the new place they moved to. So honestly, I just keep that in my head. You’re not going to fall in love with Austin over night. It’s going to take you a long time (maybe even a year…maybe more) to feel comfortable.  This is all okay. 

Try to schedule a trip home twice a year or even three times a year.  This will give you something to look forward to. And try to get involved…whether it be signing up for a gym or an interesting class. It’ll help if you can find a good girlfriend down there that you can talk to.

I hope this helps and good luck! You’ll be fine. Just take it day by day!


Post # 14
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My fi and I moved out-of-state just over a year ago and I’m still miserable and dealt with a strong case of homesickness earlier this week. Part of my problem is I’m still stuck in a job I hate. Once the wedding planning is over and if we haven’t moved back, I’m going to try to find a part-time job somewhere I enjoy and pick up a couple hobbies or art classes to fill up my time since I don’t know many people out here still. The best piece of advice is to try to keep yourself busy and try to do things in your city. Good luck! Even though I’m still not loving my new city, it does get better with time.

Post # 15
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I moved cross country for our honeymoon- 2600 mile drive in a compact car stuffed with all my stuff that would fit. I don’t recommend it even though we still were able to enjoy it (being a newlywed sure puts on the rose-colored glasses!). I moved from a small town on the New York/ Pennsylvania border to a small mining town in Norther Nevada. IT SUCKS HERE. Being three time zones away from everyone I know makes calling/ skype much more difficult. I haven’t really made any friends here becuase I’m shy (and about 90% of the population is made up of single guys- some pretty rough miners). The climate is pretty awful (no offense to those people who like it hot and dry, I just don’t). I grew up as a farm girl- always growing things for the animals or gardening for us. Nothing grows here! I miss TREES. I miss the color green. I miss the sound of rain and the smell of fresh green earth. I miss my tight-knit family. I dream of gray skies, waterfalls, lakes, the little creek that ran through the lower pasture- anything but the brutal and unrelenting sun.

I have my degrees in music. They are completely wasted here. The biggest cultural event so far has been Cowboy Karaoke Night in one of the bars. We’re about 130 miles from the nearest town, 175+ miles to the nearest city. There’s nothing in between. NOTHING! At least back home there were other farms, other little towns every so often. I feel so isolated sometimes.Honestly, that’s why I joined Weddingbee. A girl needs some social interaction!

We moved because DH is a geologist and it was the first job offer he got after college. It’s good money (especially for our age). It’s so wonderful to finally be married and to be able to live with the man I love. It’s the only thing that makes it worth it to be here (for me, at least). And, even though I’ve had quite a vent up above, we’ve had some great times and incredible adventures. I’ve always wanted to travel, to see new places and things- just maybe not like this.

The best thing is that due to the nature of mining, we’ll be moving on in a few years. I’ve always wanted to see Alaska! Hopefully we’ll end up in the Juneau area within five years or in one of the mines near Timmins, ON.

Good grief, I honestly didn’t intend for that to be so long and emotional. It’s just been building up for a long time.


Post # 16
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My DH and I relocated 3 hours away from where we were (NYC) a couple of weeks before the wedding because he took a job as a physician in RI. I’m not completely in love with my job, but there are a few things that I/we do that help with the process. I try to communicate with my friends and family as much as possible. Gchat, emails, Skype, Facetime all help. I’ve thrown myself into decorating and planning what we are doing to the house we are renting. I try to take yoga and kickboxing/barre class 2x a week. We also try to explore the area as much as possible, trying out different restaurants, going to state parks, events. I have had friends who have had to relocate by themselves for work, and I think about how lucky that I have my best friend with me to take on a new adventure!

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