(Closed) Relocated and completely miserable…anyone else out there in this boat too?

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I can completely relate!  I moved to NYC from Chicago a year ago and I am still not over it.  It has greatly impacted my marriage b/c he loves it here and I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT!  For a city that is supposed to have everything, I am hard pressed to find one redeeming quality.  I really don’t have any advice to give other than make sure that you and your husband end up on the same page as far as long-term living plans are concerned.  I thought that I could be happy here because I was going to be a part of living out his dream, which turned out to be my nightmare.  Good luck to you – it isn’t easy and I hope that you find a solution.  I am a year in and am more homesick than ever.  

Post # 18
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My husband relocated for me from Tallahassee to Los Angeles. Though he LOVES it here (he was made for big city living), the transition has still been difficult for him. He misses his family very much. 

I get gloomy when I see him gloomy. It’s been 2 months since his move, and almost 1 month since our wedding. I hope he adjusts soon. Just wanted to let you know that even if you love the new place, it’s still hard to let go of the comfort of the old.

Good luck. I hope you feel better soon.

Post # 19
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Your story reminds me of the 5 Year Engagement. Have you seen that movie?

Anway, onto the point… I’m not married yet but Fiance and I left beautiful sunny Cairns to move to a crappy little mining town. We didn’t know anyone when we moved here – only each other. When I first moved, I was in a horrible job for about 6 months that I hated and made the place even worse.

We’ve been here for about two and a half years now and I still hate it. I haven’t made friends out here. I don’t have any hobbies, I hate the house we live in, I miss my friends, there’s NOTHING to do! But I’ve started a job out here that I absolutely love.

I moved to this little mining town because Fiance got a job in the mines and it was going to be very financially beneficial for us to move out here. He has now just started a new job which means that we can move back to Cairns. But now I love my job so much that I’m not willing to give up my job to move back straight away and I want to put in my time and get transferred when a job in Cairns becomes available. Now HE is the super depressed one, and he doesn’t want to be out here anymore.

All in all, I still hate this town, but there have been some good things come out of it. We’ve been able to save a stack of money and I’ve got a career (not just a job). Don’t get me wrong, I will be going back to Cairns as soon as a position opens up, but it hasn’t been all bad in the end.

Post # 20
Member
1388 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Fiance is in this boat. We only met because he was relocated through the military to a base here. I’ve been here for 6 years because of school, so I’m used to the area. Although I’m not fond of it either. Fiance absolutely HATES Nova Scotia though, he’s so miserable here, and is stuck here for 4 more years of my grad school.

It’s totally miserable living somewhere you’re not happy. Just remember that it will pass, and hopefully this move was for the best!

Post # 21
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We have moved quite a few times for one reason or another and I completely know the feeling you are describing. For what it’s worth, I think you should talk to your husband. I know you think he won’t understand, but hell, he doesn’t just love his home – he loves YOU! I think it’s all in how you say it.

Don’t say: “I hate this stupid hellhole and I can’t believe you ruined my life by dragging me here.”

Do say: “I’m not adjusting as fast as I thought I would and I’m feeling XYZ.”

Other suggestions:

Ask your husband to consider commuting. Could you find somewhere nearby that you both like more?

Resist the temptation to go ‘home’ all the time – invite people to visit you instead.

This is along the lines of the tips above about social clubs and hobbies – what about an exercise class? I do zumba fitness twice a week, it’s SO much fun and I’ve met some new people through it.

Look online for cool blogs, Twitter feeds to follow, etc in your area.

Oh, and I noticed you said you’re crafty. Would you consider setting up a craft group or teaching classes or something?

Post # 22
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

I think the last time I counted, I have moved a dozen times in my life, and by move I mean to different cities, and even different countries.  It is never easy, and the isolation and depression you are feeling are completely normal.

Try to do something that you’ve never done before that you’ve always wanted to, whether it be taking a culinary course, or fly-fishing, or a dance class.  Try and get out and be active because that will help.  And stop feeling badly for being sad and down; you’re in the middle of a huge transition and it’s more than okay to acknowledge that.  Take bubble baths or read or whatever you find comforting, and yes…cry.  Just be good to yourself because it will get better!

Post # 23
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m in a similiar situation too. Fiance and I have 1 more year of college left and after that we’ll be moving from Texas to Colorado. Fiance has a job lined up in CO (in his hometown) and I also lived there last summer doing an internship and there’s a good chance that it could turn into a job for me as well. Basically, next year I will be graduating from college, getting married, moving 15 hours away and starting a new job! It’s definitely overwhelming sometimes. I know that I’m going to miss only being 4 hours away from my parents and hometown friends like how I am right now.

I’m also looking at this as an adventure. Fiance and I will be starting out our lives together and I’m moving to a beautiful place. His parents are very supportive and live there too and FI’s friends are there and they’re very nice. My grandparents/uncles/aunts/cousins live there not too far away from where I’ll be living so that’ll be great for me too! The toughest thing for me is my parents not being close to me. I’m planning on visiting them often and having them visit me. Fiance and I are going to try and save some money for flights so we can even fly there on long weekends if we can find some good deals. I’m just going to try to balance everything.

Once I get there, I’m planning on starting zumba classes and other exercise classes, just like others have mentioned. I also want to take some dance classes. I don’t know if you are religious, but Fiance and I are planning on trying to find a church that has a young married’s group. Do things to keep you busy and I’m sure you’ll build some friendships in no time!

Post # 24
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I can’t imagine how hard this is for you–you’ve made a huge change and are adjusting to an entirely new life. Just realize first of all that your feelings are justified and it’s okay to have a hard time settling right in. Austin is a lovely town though–lots of fun places to hang out and lots of activities revolving around UT, like cultural activities. There’s also lots of nature to explore. Go watch the bats come out from under the Congress Ave bridge if it’s the right season (I don’t remember)–it’s a magnificent site. Maybe treat it as being a tourist in your new hometown for awhile? That way it will feel more natural that you don’t fit in and you can explore and get to know places. Good luck to you. 

Post # 25
Member
28 posts
Newbee

Though I am not married I can relate. Its funny cause I deliberately put myself in these situations. I have relocated across the country by myself 3 times in the past 7 years. It is always miserable in the beginning not nowing anyone and feeling so alone but somewhere along the way things change and you realize you are a stronger person who knows so much more about yourself.

In your case I would take the opportunity to find a hobby – things you enjoy and bond together with your new husband. You have been given a wonderful opportunity to re-evalute the things you think are important and what you want to do with your life. Rather than view your situation as a negative take it as a challenge force yourself to give it your best go. I can honestly say I have learned so much about what I want from my life, where I want to live, and who I want to be because I had the opportunity to grown and discover myself on my own without my family near me. 

Austin from what I hear is an eclectic, vibrant city. Supposedly the live music scene and night life is great. No it isn’t Ohio but it can be a great place for you. Join meetup, a gym, book clubs, volunteer, coach, find part time work. ANYTHING to get you out of the house for a good part of the day. Start exploring.

 

Post # 26
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014
Post # 27
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 1993

Going through this next month!  And we’re moving from Columbus to Boise 🙂

We’re married and I’m VERY excited about his job change since it makes him stay put instead of traveling for work M-F 48 weeks of the year.  I can’t wait for that.  I’m also excited about being in the mountains and living a much more ‘outdoor’ lifestyle than we do now.  But I’m also aware that this is going to be very difficult because everything we know is here, including my VERY tight-knit family, his mom with newly diagnosed breast cancer, and all of our friends.  It’ll be a 30 hour drive or an expensive 8 hour day of flying to see our family.  I’ve already joined groups on meetup.com and hope to find some new friends by just being really outgoing and honest about being new and hoping to meet new people.

 

I appreciate your honesty with your experience and hope it gets better for you! 

Post # 28
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

@mrs ranunculus:  I’m sorry you are having such a rough time! I moved to Austin before I got married, but it was a hard transition for me, too. And I even have family in the area. Honestly i think the hardest thing about moving as an adult, married or single, is trying to make new friends. I have been here close to 5 years and still don’t have tons of friends, but I think that has more to do with my introverted personality.

If you ever want to do a ‘Bee meetup in Austin, let me know! I think there are actually a few of us around these forums. Or if you just want to go get coffee sometime, I’m up for that too.

Take Care!

 

ETA: so for whatever reason it directed this to the wrong poster at first. Sorry for any confusion, OP!

Post # 29
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I can relate to this topic and I’m marking it so I can read and reply later. 

Post # 30
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I tried to post yesterday, don’t know what went wrong.

I moved to Minneapolis in July. I am MISERABLE! I am from NYC, all my family and old time friends are there. I moved to SoCal in 2009, met FH, and moved to Beverly Hills. I had a real life in LA. Super close friends, a good support system, and fabulous places to work out. We moved here because Future Father-In-Law has prostate cancer and it’s sad. We don’t have kids and I did hate my job so we thought this would be a smart move. The goal is to go back to NYC to raise maplemag jr’s. We could save money, FH and I could invest in our careers/education. We are so sad here though, lack of friends and support really’s got us down.

We got engaged after being here 3 weeks or so and I had no one to really share it with. No one to run to and show my ring. I was so excited about being engaged that I wanted to tell our whole foods cashier, lol!

I have a job that I love, so that’s helping me through and knowing that we are being of service to FH’s family, but I definitely miss LA. I never thought I could miss living anywhere more than I missed NYC but I cannot stand how much I miss LA and my friends.

 

Thanks for making this post, it’s definitely good to talk to other relocating bees!

Post # 31
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I feel your pain. I moved from Australia to Toronto and I’m beginning to hate it. It’s cold and stinky and yucky. And Canadians do not understand my sense of humour so I’m constantly having to explain myself, ugh. 

Hopefully it will get better, I have visited Austin and absolutely loved it! I can’t make you like it but I can suggest a couple of places I had a really fun time. 

The Shady Grove – delish beer & catfish tacos http://www.theshadygrove.com/

Salt Lick BBQ – you can BYO esky full of beers! http://www.saltlickbbq.com/

Dons Depot – this place is shady but god I had fun here one night http://donnsdepot.com/

Barton Springs! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barton_Springs_Pool

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