Post # 1
This is my first post here. Apologies, if I dont get all the lingo.
I am very sad and unhappy right now. The feeling is taking a toll on my marriage like I just don’t want to talk to dh anymore. He is being patient as much as possible.
I always wanted to move to Toronto and we finally moves 3 weeks ago. We moved from NYC. We looked for jobs aligned all our paperwork and finally moved. I was very excited on the move and now I can’t seem to start thinking about NYC, my friends and family there. I have invited some of my friends here and they will be visiting in Dec for Christmas or in the Spring next year. I am very excited about their visit. Same goes with our families – we have invited them. As much as I take comfort in knowing they will visit or I can visit, I miss my daily life around them like meeting over weekends, meeting after work, etc.i also miss NYC. As much as craziness happens there, I loved it.
I am so upset that my generally extrovert personality is shutting down. I enjoy running and I can look for running groups and all that but I just don’t want to do that.
Any advise on how I can improve my situation? I have been crying my eyes out after work every day and I want to stop. My outlook on my marriage is also changing which is seems scary.
Post # 2
I have relocated a lot in life and several times since being married, and it takes a lot of adjustment and settling in. As adults I honestly think you won’t feel at home in an new city for a year or so as making new friends, finding a new routine takes time.
You should talk to your partner – he might be feeling the same as you. It’s lonely being in a new place and not knowing people and you are bound to feel upset and sad. But it will get so much easier. Force yourself to join a gym or running club and the social interaction will help you.
We left London behind for a smaller city so I understand your feelings of missing NYC, but I bet if you give Toronto a chance you will love it soon.
As for your doubts about your marriage- that may or may not be related to you feeling sad about the move, I don’t know enough to say, but I do think you need to trust your husband and let him know how you are feeling. It will bring you closer to him again.
I have felt a lot of what you are feeling, after I moved and I am so happy in our new home now but the beginning was really tough and I also cried a lot. So don’t worry it’s just part of letting go of your old life and learning to love the new one 🙂
Post # 3
I’ve moved around a lot, and it takes time to feel at home in a new city. You will feel homesick, and you will miss friends and family in your old city. At first it can be hard, but it eases after a while, especially when you give yourself a chance to explore and find things about your new city that you love. You said that you and your husband wanted to move to Toronto for a while, so there must be things that you were excited about in Toronto. My suggestion is to go somewhere new each week in Toronto and experience the things you were excited about to begin with. Find that running club and meet some new people, make some friends. Have you started work? Get to know people there, invite them out for lunch or a drink after work so you can start feeling like you are a part of your new land. Get some history books and travel books, and learn about your new home. The homesickness will pass, although it will revive when you go home to visit. Eventually, your new home will feel, well, like “HOME.”
If nothing else, you can feel good that you’re in Canada where there is universal health care and the nation’s leader isn’t a nutjob. (Kidding!) (But not really!).
Post # 4
What prompted the move in the first place? You said you’ve always wanted to move to Toronto. Was there a driving force, or just wanted a change of scenery? Just curious… I’m a firm believer that you can always ‘go home.’ So, if this was supposed to be a grand adventure, then it’s easier to live in the moment and enjoy, knowing you can always end your adventure any time and go home to NYC. If there was some reason you *had* to move, then it’s easier to feel “trapped” and feel like it’s harder to go home.
Post # 5
Welcome to Ontario!! I’ve relocated several times including living overseas. It can be hard to start over in a new place, especially when you feel alone and don’t know anyone. You are probably experiencing homesickness and some culture shock. Even though New York and Toronto are not on the other side of the world from each other, there will be cultural differences that you might feel. It will be a while before it starts to feel like home. It’s okay to feel homesick and to feel sad. It’s important to let yourself work through it and eventually it will get better!
Enjoy exploring the city! See it as a new adventure. Toronto is a great city. I used to live there a few years ago and now live about an hour away. If you would like any recommendations of things to do, let me know! Toronto has something for everyone!
Post # 6
What were your original reasons for wanting to move to Toronto? Those are probably still valid reasons!
I know it’s super hard moving away from a place that you love. I had to do that too a few years ago for my work. There will always be things I miss about my previous city, but a lot of good has come from this move too. It’s not perfect, but living here has grown to be a great chapter in our lives.
I think it’s great fun exploring a new area. Maybe you can use your energies to find your new favorites in Toronto. Best of luck!
Post # 7
One tihng that helped me after a move was to unpack everything as soon as possible, and make the new house feel like home with all my stuff everywhere. Then I’d start exploring from my house outward – first the immediate neighborhood, then neighboring areas, city center, then special places of interest, like waterfront, etc. Try all the pizza places in your neighborhood, or all the brunch places and find your favorites. Then go further afield and try that new crepes place you read about in a different neighborhood. Make the city yours, just like you made NYC yours.
Post # 8
Thank you everyone for responding. I realy feel less lonely now.
@mclaud : Thank you for sharing your experience. 1 year feels like a long time, but I am sure that is just a small amount of time if we plan to be here in the long run. I did speak with my husband a bit. I almost had to because he saw me cry and didnâ€™t know what was wrong. I actually moved to NYC from a smaller city myself, but I made such last friendships and also built a career (not a job) there, so in my mind I have almost decided that was the best time of my life which is not fair to other cities.
As far as my marriage feelings go, I really believe such life events can bring couples closer or apart and thatâ€™s what speaks of the true feelings for each other. I am almost scared to think that I was living in a bubble all this whileâ€¦.BUT I want to give everything a chance!
@ izzabella : Thank you for sharing all those ideas. I think a history book and travel book are great ideas esepcailly for me as I love both. Also, I know this is my chance to â€œFeel newâ€ in this city and therefore look at it in a new light. Yes, I have started work. I have to start socializing with colleagues more.
@MsPlucky: There were quite a few things. Our main driver was we wanted a change. Also, our careers and personal growth stagnated for a while. I also had a miscarriage a couple of months back. All these experience, shook us a little and we said we have to set a move date and just move. We had been visiting Toronto for a while as my husband has a few friends and some family here. I always liked the city (among many other cities I have liked but this is closest to where we can find work similar to our profiles in NY). I know I can always go back, and I even said to my husband yesterday, can we just go back. His response was, sure we can but we should ideally give this city a fair chance too â€“ likely 2 to 3 years. I agree with that thought but 3 years seems a bit long to me right now.
@Keroppi: I am definitely experiencing homesickness. Culture shock also a bit. Toronto is pretty awesome actually, infact the service industry is quite nicer compared to NY and people are nicer too. I welcome any recommendations of things to do, thank you for the offer. I will send a personal message to you (if I manage how to do it).
@craigslistgirl: Yes the reasons are very valid, I know we almost â€œneededâ€ this change but I am having a hard time transitioning through it. I really like the positivity in your post, and I do hope to be the author for another great chapter of my life soon.
Post # 9
Great suggestions, izzabella. I really need to get hold of a local magazine or newspaper and start exploring. One challenge for me is my husband is a bit introvery and his idea of settling in is ” good food + TV + netflix “. So, in his world he is already settled haha! I am not, because for me my neighborhood, my home, my friends, work etc make up my life.
Post # 10
You might want to talk to a doctor about how you are feeling. You’ve had a lot of life challenges with the miscarriage and move. It sounds like you could be having some depression. It sounds to me like this could be more than homesickness.
Post # 11
I actually hope this is more than homesickness. I really don’t want to be in this state with missing friends/family as my root cause. I will speak with a professional.