Relocation sadness

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
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  • Post # 2
    Member
    167 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Hi there,

    I have relocated a lot in life and several times since being married, and it takes a lot of adjustment and settling in. As adults I honestly think you won’t feel at home in an new city for a year or so as making new friends, finding a new routine takes time.

    You should talk to your partner – he might be feeling the same as you. It’s lonely being in a new place and not knowing people and you are bound to feel upset and sad. But it will get so much easier. Force yourself to join a gym or running club and the social interaction will help you. 

    We left London behind for a smaller city so I understand your feelings of missing NYC, but I bet if you give Toronto a chance you will love it soon.

    As for your doubts about your marriage- that may or may not be related to you feeling sad about the move, I don’t know enough to say, but I do think you need to trust your husband and let him know how you are feeling. It will bring you closer to him again. 

    I have felt a lot of what you are feeling, after I moved and I am so happy in our new home now but the beginning was really tough and I also cried a lot. So don’t worry it’s just part of letting go of your old life and learning to love the new one 🙂 

    Post # 3
    Member
    476 posts
    Helper bee

    I’ve moved around a lot, and it takes time to feel at home in a new city. You will feel homesick, and you will miss friends and family in your old city. At first it can be hard, but it eases after a while, especially when you give yourself a chance to explore and find things about your new city that you love. You said that you and your husband wanted to move to Toronto for a while, so there must be things that you were excited about in Toronto. My suggestion is to go somewhere new each week in Toronto and experience the things you were excited about to begin with. Find that running club and meet some new people, make some friends. Have you started work? Get to know people there, invite them out for lunch or a drink after work so you can start feeling like you are a part of your new land. Get some history books and travel books, and learn about your new home. The homesickness will pass, although it will revive when you go home to visit. Eventually, your new home will feel, well, like “HOME.”

    If nothing else, you can feel good that you’re in Canada where there is universal health care and the nation’s leader isn’t a nutjob. (Kidding!) (But not really!).

    Post # 4
    Member
    3279 posts
    Sugar bee

    What prompted the move in the first place? You said you’ve always wanted to move to Toronto. Was there a driving force, or just wanted a change of scenery? Just curious… I’m a firm believer that you can always ‘go home.’ So, if this was supposed to be a grand adventure, then it’s easier to live in the moment and enjoy, knowing you can always end your adventure any time and go home to NYC. If there was some reason you *had* to move, then it’s easier to feel “trapped” and feel like it’s harder to go home.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1519 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    Welcome to Ontario!! I’ve relocated several times including living overseas. It can be hard to start over in a new place, especially when you feel alone and don’t know anyone. You are probably experiencing homesickness and some culture shock. Even though New York and Toronto are not on the other side of the world from each other, there will be cultural differences that you might feel. It will be a while before it starts to feel like home. It’s okay to feel homesick and to feel sad. It’s important to let yourself work through it and eventually it will get better!

    Enjoy exploring the city! See it as a new adventure. Toronto is a great city. I used to live there a few years ago and now live about an hour away. If you would like any recommendations of things to do, let me know! Toronto has something for everyone!

    Post # 6
    Member
    7892 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    What were your original reasons for wanting to move to Toronto? Those are probably still valid reasons!

    I know it’s super hard moving away from a place that you love. I had to do that too a few years ago for my work. There will always be things I miss about my previous city, but a lot of good has come from this move too. It’s not perfect, but living here has grown to be a great chapter in our lives. 

    I think it’s great fun exploring a new area. Maybe you can use your energies to find your new favorites in Toronto. Best of luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    476 posts
    Helper bee

    One tihng that helped me after a move was to unpack everything as soon as possible, and make the new house feel like home with all my stuff everywhere. Then I’d start exploring from my house outward – first the immediate neighborhood, then neighboring areas, city center, then special places of interest, like waterfront, etc. Try all the pizza places in your neighborhood, or all the brunch places and find your favorites. Then go further afield and try that new crepes place you read about in a different neighborhood. Make the city yours, just like you made NYC yours.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2659 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    You might want to talk to a doctor about how you are feeling. You’ve had a lot of life challenges with the miscarriage and move. It sounds like you could be having some depression. It sounds to me like this could be more than homesickness. 

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