Post # 47
Thanks so much to everyone who’s replied so far! Everyone’s going to have a different view on such a divisive subject but I love that we’re all so open about them. Viva la debate!
I agree with you that I personally couldn’t have a memorial table for several reasons. Firstly there has been a massive fracture in my family since her death and my younger brother is now the only person from my family coming to the wedding. He still has a lot of anger and resentment towards my sister for what she did and the way it tore us apart afterwards, and I don’t want to upset him.
Also, it would absolutely reduce me to tears. Just buying the perfume and triggering that old memory has left me wistful and sad for several days – and I want my wedding to be full of happy memories. It took me a long time to accept that she had been sick and none of it was personal or deliberate, and I know that not everyone is at that point yet.
Post # 48
You’re welcome. 🙂 I’m glad we could help. Any death is difficult to deal with and you never really stop mourning the loss of anyone you love, but when someone dies under particularly tragic circumstances like your sister, the death can be much harder to face and accept. Sometimes extra caution is needed in cases like this. For example, my mother-in-law has lost all four of her brothers, but three of them died due to accidents (two died together in a boating accident and the third died from an accident involving a sawmill) and these deaths are much more difficult for her to cope with than the other (many) losses in her life. She never got over them and I doubt she ever will. As a result, she specifically asked that we NOT include her brothers in our memorial table, and we respected her wishes on that. However, she gave us her blessing to use pictures of her parents who have also passed away. I got to use pictures of everyone I wanted from my side because all of them died under ordinary circumstances (and not recently) so I knew that no one would be overly sensitive about it. In fact, my grandmother loved
the fact that I was using my grandfather’s picture! 🙂
Perhaps a memorial table would not be the best idea in your case given how sensitive a subject your sister’s death still is for you and your family. Perhaps you can have a conversation with them to see what they would be comfortable with. I wish you all the best whatever you decide to do.