Post # 1
My husband and I just got married on Saturday. Everything was perfect except the ceremony. We both wanted to run and hide throughout the whole thing.
Our pastor brought up a ton of private issues that my husband is very embarrased about. The pastor told the whole congregation that he has anxiety issues and that he was doubting getting married to me. The anxiety issues are true but he never once had any doubts. My husbands parents didn’t even know he had anxiety issues. The pastor kept making fun of my husband. He was trying to talk like him by talking fast and a lot of it was very uncalled for…
Instead of focusing on our vows we quickly said them just to get off the stage so we could run and hide. It was awful. It was nothing like I ever envisioned. This magical moment and commitment was taken from us. The worst part if we found this pastor and this church a year ago so it would be more magical and we could start going there and raise our children there.
We don’t want to go back now…
Is it tacky to throw another small ceremony next year. This year it was a big wedding (35,000)
But next year I just want something small so we can resay our vows with only close friends and family and then do a small catered dinner somewhere.
Is one year too tacky? Do we wear a tux and my big wedding dress again?
I am just so upset that I promised these vows to my husband and I didn’t mean them at the time because I just wanted to get off the stage.
Post # 3
If you do a vow renewal next year, I would keep it small & private, just the two of you and no guests.
Post # 4
What a horrible thing. I would be sure and express my feelings to the pastor and probably find another church. That was over the line.
I think a private renewal would be better given the circumstances, unless your family is an enraged as you are. I’m not married yet, but I would think that in a year’s time, the rawness may have passed and you’ll not feel so cheated. I think you did mean your vows when you said them.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t do it. You already made your promises although it wasn’t how you anticipated or would have liked. You two know your promises and plan to keep them. If just you two wanted to say them again to each other that would make sense but I think a renewal at one year after such a big wedding doens’t make sense. As a guest I would worry there were other issues making them want to renew their vows already.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Wow…. I am so sorry. How in the worl did the pastor think it was okay to divulge such sensitive information? That is just so strange.
To your question, it’s your anniversary and you can choose to mark it in whatever fashion feels right to you. I’m sure close family and friends would understand your desire to re-do your ceremony. Whether you do the dress/tux thing or make it more casual is up to you. I think I would try and go in the complete opposite direction of the original to distinguish the vow renewal as much as possible. So if the wedding was formal and churchy, I’d go more casual and homey or outdoorsy for the vow renewal. I’d even maybe make the vow renewal a surprise thing so no one feels obliged to bring gifts and whatnot. Just throw a party and, surprise, have a vow renewal right then and there.
Post # 7
@Jothebride: Gosh, that’s awful.
I wouldn’t invite all your family and friends again, maybe just re-read your vows to each other in private.
Post # 8
@Jothebride: I’m sorry that it wasn’t what you planned but I would hesistate to have a full vow renewal with guests. I know I wouldn’t attend a 1 year one.
Post # 9
I did not like my wedding reception at all….. I acutally did not like most of my wedding… partially due to family drama…. partially due to the fact that the wedding I did have was not the wedding I wanted (I wanted Vegas…. my parents wanted grand)
I plan on having a vow renewal which will include the following people- me, the DH, a photographer and an officiant…….. oh and it will certainly include the dress I really wanted to wear…..
I would certainly have a vow renewal…… keep it small (less people=less drama), wear whatever you want, and say the vows you always wanted to say…….
Post # 10
Wow, my husband has anxiety issues too and I cannot imagine our officiant standing up there making a comedy show of him. What a JERK! I don’t blame you for wanting to do something again.
I don’t think you can really do another “wedding” but what about a renewal on a beach somewhere alone? Or yeah I don’t see a problem with celebrating with immediately family, somewhere quiet and nice maybe with a view and then dinner. I”m sorry that was the experience you had on your wedding day, how awful :
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I’d just do something really private if you want to redo for your 1 year anniversary.
Post # 12
@Jothebride: Might not be helpful, but we will be framing our vows and hanging them in our bedroom so we don’t forget the words so easily.
I do think a year is too soon for anything formal… Just the two of you though, that makes sense. you could even do a re-shoot at the same time if you want ;-). It could be a nice way to get more pics of you and your hubs, not to mention the ceremony itself. In the case of just you two, it would be totally up to you what you wear.
Post # 13
I love the idea of a vow renewal being different from the wedding.
Our wedding was a small elopement, so our vow renewal will be more formal.
We are using a chapel and having the reception at a hotel. There will be less than 40 guests.
If your family was as upset as you rightfully are, do a vow renewal in a year with them. If they didn’t care, a private renewal makes more sense.
Post # 14
I’m so sorry that happened! My thoughts–if a vow renewal is just you and your husband, I say ANYTHING is fair game. The timing of when you do it, what you wear–nobody’s business but yours! (This is why I plan for my vow renewal to be just my husband and I and our children–I just don’t want to deal with the angst of worrying that other people think it’s inappropriate or tacky or whatever.) The tricky part is deciding whether to include other people. I would say that if you want to include other people, to explain your reasoning (that you were very upset by the original ceremony, that you want to have a ceremony that you both feel comfortable with, and you want to share it with those closest to you). But I probably wouldn’t expect anyone to travel to be at the renewal, just because of the financial expense and inconvenience involved. You could maybe tell them about it, and say something like, “We’d love for you to be there so please come if you would enjoy the trip, but we totally don’t expect you to travel when you just did so for our wedding.”