(Closed) Repeat Vows or Say 'I Do'

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll:

    Repeat vows after officiant

    Reply 'I Do'

  • Post # 2
    3187 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    View original reply
    sept2017 :  i voted repeat vows, becuase (to me) it’s important that each person actually states the promises that they are making (rather than merely agreeing). but that said, we also wrote our own vows so that’s where i’m coming from anyway.

    Post # 3
    37 posts
    • Wedding: November 2018

    So rather than doing our own vows, we are writing letters to one another that we will read before the wedding. However, I still wanted us to repeat something as I feel saying the words adds some oomph. Our vows will be the traditional “Do you take so and so blah blah” to which we will answer “I Do,” but for our ring exchange we will repeat the words after our officiant. Best of both worlds, plus it makes it hit home a little more. 🙂

    Post # 4
    3046 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

    We’re aware of what we expect from each other and what our personal vows include. Had this conversation quite a few times so for us its not necessary to repeat for the legal process. Legally here all thats required is a declaration of our intent to become husband and wife, ‘I Do’ covers it. We’d like to keep the ceremony as short as possible and get to the fun stuff. 😉

    Post # 5
    237 posts
    Helper bee

    We’re doing both! We’re doing a declaration of intent at the beginning of the ceremony (I think it’s something like “Do you, groom, welcome bride as your wife, offering her your love and encouragement, your trust and respect, as you create your future together?” Can’t remeber exact wording off the top of my head.) Then we are repeating our actual vows at the end of the ceremony. I would do the repeating, because I do think it is more meaningful to actually say the words. And it is your wedding day. You should get to say more than two words!

    Post # 7
    909 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    We declared our consent to be married with “I will” but we repeated our vows after our Pastor. It’s such a special/meaningful moment I’m glad we did. At that point we were both so overcome with emotion and some nerves, I actually forgot about everyone else in the church! My focus was only on DH. It was lovely.

    Edited to add: I got choked up over my vows and DH stumbled over his words but it was still fine. 

    Post # 8
    350 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I’m with the others in that I feel it’s more meaningful to say the vows instead of just “I do”. 

    Im leaning towards memorizing the vows though, and have the officiant prompt us if we forget something. Repeating phrases bit by bit is so halting, awkward, and monotonous. 

    Post # 9
    9756 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    We repeated vows and then there was a whole nother part where we said I do. It worked out well because DH started adlibbing halfway through the repeated vows which was cute.

    Post # 10
    390 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    If ever anyone is so anxious about publicly speaking a piece that he or she asks to take a fully acceptable, equally binding alternative, I always say let them have that option.  You can repeat your vows to each other every day for the rest of your lives.  The wedding ceremony is when it’s a binding, public declaration where correctness matters.  Maybe it will be a better show for your audience and make for a nicer, more entertaining video to replay later if you make him repeat the phrases, but if he’s so reluctant to do it, he’s not going to be having any emotional response to saying the words.  He’s just going to be focusing on getting them out correctly, not on their meaning.

    We’re both anxious little stress balls, and we’re going with the I Do route because that way, we can listen to the meaning of the words without the need to worry about repeating them correctly, because once that adrenaline is going–and it will be going–there is no short term memory.  We know ourselves.  We know it will be a disaster.  I cantored one wedding this summer where the groom had to have one of the phrases repeated to him three times before he got it out correctly–each time, he got more flustered, it got harder, and it finally had to be given to him two words at a time.  Trust me: when he finally got those words out, he was not having any meaningful engagement with them.

    Maybe in your groom’s case, he’s just a little nervous and if you talk it over with him, practice the lines, he’ll decide he’s cool with it.  But if he truly feels uncomfortable about it, for pity’s sake, don’t put him on the spot and make him fumble in front of his new in-laws and all your friends.

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