Post # 1
For those NOT writing their own vows, are you choosing to repeat after your officiant or just respond “I do”? Initially we decided to go the “I do” route just because it seemed the most traditional. Now I’ve decided I want us to repeat the vows after the officiant because it will be more meaningful if we actually get to speak the words, but Fiance wants to stick with “I do” because he’s worried we’ll be too nervous and will screw something up/not remember the words. Just curious to see the split of what everyone else chose! I didn’t include an “other” option because I’m just wondering for people who are using the traditional vows and not writing their own.
Post # 2
i voted repeat vows, becuase (to me) it’s important that each person actually states the promises that they are making (rather than merely agreeing). but that said, we also wrote our own vows so that’s where i’m coming from anyway.
Post # 3
So rather than doing our own vows, we are writing letters to one another that we will read before the wedding. However, I still wanted us to repeat something as I feel saying the words adds some oomph. Our vows will be the traditional “Do you take so and so blah blah” to which we will answer “I Do,” but for our ring exchange we will repeat the words after our officiant. Best of both worlds, plus it makes it hit home a little more. 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
We’re aware of what we expect from each other and what our personal vows include. Had this conversation quite a few times so for us its not necessary to repeat for the legal process. Legally here all thats required is a declaration of our intent to become husband and wife, ‘I Do’ covers it. We’d like to keep the ceremony as short as possible and get to the fun stuff. 😉
Post # 5
We’re doing both! We’re doing a declaration of intent at the beginning of the ceremony (I think it’s something like “Do you, groom, welcome bride as your wife, offering her your love and encouragement, your trust and respect, as you create your future together?” Can’t remeber exact wording off the top of my head.) Then we are repeating our actual vows at the end of the ceremony. I would do the repeating, because I do think it is more meaningful to actually say the words. And it is your wedding day. You should get to say more than two words!
Post # 6
I like the idea of the letters to each other! Like you, even if we chose “I do,” we do repeat after the officiant for the ring exchange (ie: “Take and wear this ring as a symbol…”).
We also have the “declaration of consent” at the beginning, before the vows, where we respond “I will” (Will you have …. to be your husband/wife and to love faithfully…).
Okay, I’m definitely going for repeating the vows – it’s so much more meaningful. We might screw up and forget what we’re supposed to say or stumble over our words, but I don’t care 🙂
Post # 7
We declared our consent to be married with “I will” but we repeated our vows after our Pastor. It’s such a special/meaningful moment I’m glad we did. At that point we were both so overcome with emotion and some nerves, I actually forgot about everyone else in the church! My focus was only on DH. It was lovely.
Edited to add: I got choked up over my vows and DH stumbled over his words but it was still fine.
Post # 8
I’m with the others in that I feel it’s more meaningful to say the vows instead of just “I do”.
Im leaning towards memorizing the vows though, and have the officiant prompt us if we forget something. Repeating phrases bit by bit is so halting, awkward, and monotonous.
Post # 9
We repeated vows and then there was a whole nother part where we said I do. It worked out well because DH started adlibbing halfway through the repeated vows which was cute.
Post # 10
If ever anyone is so anxious about publicly speaking a piece that he or she asks to take a fully acceptable, equally binding alternative, I always say let them have that option. You can repeat your vows to each other every day for the rest of your lives. The wedding ceremony is when it’s a binding, public declaration where correctness matters. Maybe it will be a better show for your audience and make for a nicer, more entertaining video to replay later if you make him repeat the phrases, but if he’s so reluctant to do it, he’s not going to be having any emotional response to saying the words. He’s just going to be focusing on getting them out correctly, not on their meaning.
We’re both anxious little stress balls, and we’re going with the I Do route because that way, we can listen to the meaning of the words without the need to worry about repeating them correctly, because once that adrenaline is going–and it will be going–there is no short term memory. We know ourselves. We know it will be a disaster. I cantored one wedding this summer where the groom had to have one of the phrases repeated to him three times before he got it out correctly–each time, he got more flustered, it got harder, and it finally had to be given to him two words at a time. Trust me: when he finally got those words out, he was not having any meaningful engagement with them.
Maybe in your groom’s case, he’s just a little nervous and if you talk it over with him, practice the lines, he’ll decide he’s cool with it. But if he truly feels uncomfortable about it, for pity’s sake, don’t put him on the spot and make him fumble in front of his new in-laws and all your friends.