(Closed) Reply card etiquette

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I can understand where she is coming from if the RSVP reply date is far away from the wedding.

I am expecting to get a few of these responses from my single friends.

I don’t think that she will just find someone to bring at the last minute but maybe she is unsure of the guy she is dating and so doesn’t want to commit to bringing him just yet and if he doesn’t work out maybe she will bring a Girlfriend with her.

I understand the frustration on your part though because now you will need to follow up with her to get the guest name before the wedding. Maybe you could email her to ask her if she could let you know when she knows who her guest will be.

Good Luck and Welcome!

Post # 4
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It’s possible she didn’t know to give you her guest’s name.  You should follow up with an email or phone call.  Tell her you got the card back and just wanted to mark down the name of her guest.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I did this on an rsvp card 6 or 7 years ago when I was completely clueless about wedding stuff, and I’d been dating my bf at the time for over a year. She may just not know that she’s supposed to put her date’s name on the rsvp card ๐Ÿ™‚

While it’s frustrating to have to follow up and you feel somewhat slighted that she would possibly “just find someone to bring at the last minute,” you gave her that option when you invited her and a guest. I think most single guests really appreciate the opportunity to bring a date, especially if they don’t know a lot of the other wedding guests, and it was thoughtful and generous of you to invite her to bring a guest. Try not to worry too much about who she brings – you’ve already offered her a guest and it’s too late now to change that.

I would follow up with her about who she’s bringing a week or so before you have to finalize your catering numbers. She may end up not having someone to bring, and she might not realize that she should let you know that she will no longer be bringing a guest.

Post # 6
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Definitely follow up with her and ask for a name, especially if you need it for place cards/escort cards. Give her a bit of time to find a date if that’s why she only indicated “guest.”

Post # 7
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with following up with her…it’s possible that she just doesn’t know. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

Well, really, an RSVP should never include anyone who isn’t invited, and the person you invited WAS “and Guest”. The most formal etiquette manuals will tell you that “and Guest” is improper even on the invitation: you are supposed to find out the names of all those significant others and invite them by name on their own invitation. Otherwise, you risk implying to them that they aren’t welcome for their own sakes and are really just an interchangeable accessory of your “real” guest. It’s never really kind to imply to have “first-class” and “second-class” guests.

This is the problem with etiquette: once you stop following the standard forms yourself, other people don’t have the standard responses all worked out for them and have to make it up as they go. The easiest way to deal with it is to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume no harm was meant, just as you meant no harm by your choices. And then, follow up with a personal communication to get the additional details that you need.

Post # 9
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I am imagining this being a frustration I will encounter in another couple of months. Lots of single people without specific SOs on my guest list.

If someone, ie Joe Smith, doesn’t supply the name of the guest for me on the RSVP (where there is a Name_____ slot), I am planning to make the guest’s placecard say: Guest of Joe Smith.

As a lady who was single for a few years, I understand the embarrassment of sometimes not knowing who you’ll be inviting but knowing you don’t want to feel like the sad single lady going alone. I think single people are as entitled to their +1, even unknown, as a married couple is entitled to bring each other.

But I’m sure it’ll still be frustrating! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m editting my post. I just realized that you DO need the name if you are doing assigned seats. I will make sure my “and guest” invitees have an RSVP card with a place for the name!

 

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