Post # 1
Thus far the most stressful part of our wedding has been getting the reply cards! To begin, our guests had more than 5 weeks to reply with the self-addressed stamped reply card that we sent to them with the invitation. We had sent out ‘save the date’ postcards last year. Guests received the invitations in early February and had until March 15th to reply (our wedding is April 27th) and of 200 guests we had received only about 130 replies a few days before March 15th and this was just for starters. Many people seem to be treating the wedding like a casual event, and it is not a backyard bbq. It is a formal event and we can’t just assume that you are coming. Be considerate of the bride and the groom and send back that reply card as soon as you can do it. It is now March 28th and we haven’t received all of the replies yet, but we had to call dozens of people. Here are some other important tips for guests who are replying :
– Put your return address on the reply card. Even if you have to write it on the back it is a good idea to have your return address in case it gets lost in the mail etc.
-Put your name and your guests full name on the reply card. I received dozens of replies that read something to the effect of Mr. and Mrs. Kamall with no return address we don’t know who you are! We invited 12 Mr. and Mrs. Kamalls!
-Please include your wife’s name in your reply. We invited 3 people i.e. named George Smith and if you reply as Mr. and Mrs. George Smith we don’t know who you are, either! You should also be considerate of the fact that your wife is a person with a name, not just an extention of you- write her full name and your full name on the reply card.
-Please print CLEARLY! We received 5 or 6 responses that we could not decipher because the handwriting was so illegible and there was no return address on the card.
-Please don’t add someone to your reply card if we didn’t invite them. If we invited Diana and John Barber then don’t write on your reply card that you are bringing your children Ava and Katelyn unless we invited them.
-Please don’t reply as a ‘maybe’ – considering most couples are paying anywhere between $100 and $500 per guest in NY (literally) don’t reply that you might come. If you think you can’t commit to coming to our wedding then don’t come!
-Make sure that your in laws and other family members know that they can’t add additional guests whom they forgot at the last minute unless you get a lot of ‘no’ replies – it is too confusing to invite last minute guests and the venue may charge you extra for add ons at the last minute.
-If you can only attend the ceremony please make sure to write that on your reply card. We don’t want to pay for you to eat and drink if you will only be attending 20 minutes of our wedding for the ceremony and plan to leave right after the vows are over.
Wow! I think that is it!
Post # 2
I numbered the back of each RSVP card so that they match up with the number on my guest list. I also filled in the number of seats reserved for them. On my website I also have FAQ about the RSVP and protocal.
Post # 3
unlikely that the guest who dont know this will see it…
Post # 4
Oh goodness! I am not at this stage yet in my wedding planning but I can imagine how much of a hastle this all must be. I think the numbering idea has been the best thing I’ve heard, but would never have thought of myself.
Post # 5
There’s no excuse for not replying promptly and at the very least by your stated deadline. I do, however, think your RSVP date was a earlier than standard, so in some people’s minds they may have thought they had a bit more time.
I agree with the PP that you could have avoided much of your aggravation by pencilling in a number that corresponds to the invited guest. We did it in an inconspicuous spot inside the envelope, but some people just do it on the reverse side.
I totally agree that it is beyond rude to say you are coming and then cut out right after the ceremony or midway into cocktail hour. It is easier to add extra plates last minute, but once numbers are guaranteed, hosts will be obligated to pay.
Post # 6
It’s better if the couple puts their own address as the return address, making the delivery and return address the same, so that if there’s any issues, the card goes to the couple and not back to the guests. Unless your house disappeared, there should be nothing keeping that card from finding you. And if your house did disappear, then your problems are much too big for weddingbee.
and really as hostesses we need to realize that guests might forget to put their names, might have shitty handwriting, might try to add extra people, etc, and plan to prevent that (online RSVP systems are fantastic for guiding the guests to fill in the form accurately because they’re more intelligent than paper forms), rather than freaking out when someone gets it wrong, you can’t expect 40-200+ people to all fill out a form accurately and consistently without a whole lot of help.
Post # 7
librarygirl85: You are SO smart!
Post # 8
Horseradish: No ones house ‘disappeared’ but we traditionally have issues with mail in NYC and sometimes things get lost, it happens.
Post # 9
weddingmaven: I wrote a thread on my invitation designer sending the invitations out very late. With a save the date card sent 6 months in advance and an invitation sent more than 5 weeks in advance I think people had more than enough time to decide whether or not they were coming.
Post # 10
mrsaxachef: The topic helps spread the word and hopefully it will come up in more conversations 🙂
Post # 11
This would drive me NUTS!!! Numbering is a good idea! I’m going to use that.
Post # 12
You’re preaching to the choir.
Post # 13
EMCasey: I don’t disagree with you that they had plenty of time and no excuses, since that is what you requested. It’s just that most people are used to the typical invitation being sent 6-8 weeks ahead of time and your RSVP date six weeks ahead is also much further out than typical. It’s not a justification on their end by any means, but in their heads many of your guests probably thought they had additional time to respond.
When an invitation is sent that far ahead, even with a STD, the risk you take is that people tend to pile other mail on top, misplace their replies etc. I think that is also why you got so many maybes. Those were rude, nevertheless. Also, I’m not sure you can expect anyone but your closest friends and family members to pay all that much attention to Save-The-Date Cards. Many guests see them, file them away and figure they will see if they can make it when the real invitation comes along.
I’m not saying any of this is right, just that people are somewhat predictable.
Post # 14
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
I hear you! There are several people we received no RSVP from at all (thankfully it’s a Destination Wedding, so they can’t just pop in), and several blank ones (no name, jut a check in the box). I fully intended to number them, but I was about 1/4 of the way through when I realized I hadn’t, and I was on a roll, ha ha.
Post # 15
EMCasey: What conversations is this going to come up in? People reading this site are predominantly brides (and grooms), not guests. Not saying I don’t understand the frustration, but the lecturing tone seems ill-placed when the subjects of your ire aren’t reading it.