(Closed) Reply to: "HATE MY ENGAGEMENT RING…. AND CAN'T TAKE IT BACK!!!"

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@Loveratheart90:  there is nothing wrong with wanting a different ring. My mom just got a new one. It doesn’t change the meaning of the first one or their bond. Don’t let the mean girls on the internet make you doubt who you are as a person. You know you, they don’t. If your SO loves you that is what matters.

Post # 4
Member
3430 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Loveratheart90: 

I posted on your last thread, my advice was to not be afraid to tell your DH u wanted a new setting.  Apparently you’ve done that already so moving forward:) you should make this a mutual goal between the two of you. If money is the issue can’t you just get a solitare setting for MIL ‘s diamond  until you both are in a financial position to get the setting of your dreams? At least you’d be able to wear the diamond instead of the one you dislike? Right? 

Dont worry about what other people on this site say. Some people have strong opinions what can you do:)? 

Post # 5
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Vegas baby!

I’m sorry if I was harsh in my response to your last post, but your tone and everything just came off very wrong. After reading this I completely understand and hope that you do get the ring you really want. Men (as well as women) can be extremely stubborn, especially military men (my FI is retired army). Your ring really is very pretty and unique, don’t be ashamed to wear it.

Post # 6
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Uh….you don’t have to apologize if the ring you were given isn’t your taste.

 

Quite honestly, I don’t like seeing anybody bashing another’s tastes.  Doesn’t mean we don’t LOVE our fiance (or husband) sometimes we just would like something a little different than what they chose.   I don’t like to see women bash other women on this topic, though these ring debates DO get a bit heated.  I mean, yeah, I get the whole “but it’s the thought behind the ring, that’s what matters.”  Ok, yeah.  We don’t need to be so politically correct.  I think we ALL know that.  We all know there’s a symbolic nature behind an engagement ring….but I think we all have to be honest and appluad the women who actually do say “I say yes to you, but I don’t really like this ring” without bashing her and setting her in flames.  The ring is a symbol of your love, so shouldn’t you always love it?  

 

I don’t buy my husband clothes.  He’s VERY particular about his clothes.  I’ve known the sucker for 7 years, I still couldn’t just buy him white socks.  MOST guys are like that.  Most guys are nervous about their ring choice.  When they get it right, that’s super duper awesome.  But most guys aren’t going to take it so seriously and I’m willing to bet that MOST men would prefer that their fiance exchange a ring for something they absolutely love.  Correct me if I’m wrong on this, if someone can chime in with personal experience.

 

 

 

I was fortunate.  We knew we were going to get married, so we went looking at rings together.  I was able to show him what styles I liked and wanted. 

The hubs told me about a year ago that if he were to go solo on the venture he may have bought me a heart shaped ring with filgree on the sides.  A pretty ring, but so not me.  

Post # 7
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

would he be offended if you went out and bought yourself the ring you want?

My mum did that and apparently my dad was ok with it.

Post # 8
Member
2923 posts
Sugar bee

@Loveratheart90:  I didn’t read your last post, and I didn’t read all of this post, but I understand that you were just venting.

Similar to your situation but not really. Two Christmases ago, my then BF, now FI, told me he was going to get me a new camera. When Christmas came, he changed his mind and got me a beautiful sapphire necklace instead. It was absolutely beautiful. I hated it because I was expecting a camera. I pretended to like it for a few months, but holding it in was too much and I ended up venting to him and making him feel terrible for not getting me what I expected. I felt bad and immature for letting him have it, but honestly, it is NOT what I wanted. I don’t think you should have something that you don’t want as well.

Post # 9
Member
2609 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Unfortunately, anytime someone is posting about not liking their ring, there will be hurt feelings on this forum.  There is a very wide range of brides here, and many have a budget which allows for an extremely modest ring, and many choose a very modest ring because of their personal taste.  You’ll have to just take the criticism with a grain of salt.

From what I’ve read, although he doesn’t come out and say it to you, he seems somehow very resistant to purchasing a new setting.  Do you think maybe he doesn’t want to use his mother’s diamond?  Maybe in light of the more expensive ring he bought his previous fiancee (who then cheated and broke the engagement) does he perhaps feel like rings are a waste of money?

I’m not sure what the issue is, but I think the time for dropping hints has passed.  You’ll need to have a real talk and set a savings goal if you want this to happen.  Perhaps suggest opening a “dreams” account together and both start making regular monthly contributions to it.  Once you’ve purchased the new setting, you could start saving for a vacation, or upgraded tv or whatever…

If after you have a serious talk about how much this matters to you, he still doesn’t pull the trigger, you might just have to let it go, or consider purchasing the setting on your own. 

Post # 10
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I found this board when doing research for a replacement ering. I never wore mine after receiving my wedding band. It was a wonderful symbol, but beyond that, never felt an affinity toward it. I’ve been married twelve years, and it never seemed to matter. Now that I’ve chosen “replacements” that I love, realized how nice it would have been to have bonded with a ring much earlier than this. Going back, I would have exchanged the ring before getting married. Barring that, your first anniversary seems like a perfect time. Good luck. Be honest about how much this means to you.

Post # 11
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

You know, you don’t have to justify yourself to a bunch of people who don’t know you online 🙂

Post # 12
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Don’t apologize for venting on a site where everyone vents at one point or another. May it be about their ring, dress, venue, family, SO… we all do it at some point. Not everyone can read someone’s tone properly through a computer but that doesn’t mean you were in any way wrong for anything you said.

Anyways, lots of women change their rings. Some do it because they want something bigger. Some do it because they don’t like the style. Some (like myself) do it because they want variety. Your ring goes on your finger, so if you don’t like it you should replace it with something you do like. It might not be something that can be done right away, but you should have a common goal with your husband to purchase a new setting at some point. Putting a little money aside each week/month with a goal in mind isn’t a bad idea.

Good luck and you absolutely deserve the ring of your dreams!!

 

Post # 13
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Loveratheart90:  I didn’t read your first post…I’m lazy right now. But I’m not confused. It seems like you want to return your e-ring because you don’t love it. I don’t blame you. And NO…it’s not wrong at all to want a “show-offie” ring…it’s your ring. It should be what you want.

My god, I would be so hurt if people said something like that to me. I am far more snarky than you appear to be and I would have responded to their rudeness. Upon being asked if it came from a vending machine, I would say Yes, along with a Snickers bar. We are now taking donations for a honker from Tiffany. How much would you like to contribute?

Ok…so here are my ideas…

Can you sell it?

Can you re-color the metal? I think it’s called re-dip.

Can you change the stone? Can you get a wrap or make it a halo, if that’s your style?

Can you look at rings you like and then inquire how much it would cost to recreate yours to look like that?

 

I have a somewhat similiar issue going on right now and you know, it’s a big deal. I am a bit of a fashionista and looks are important to me but I never wanted a huge ring that didn’t fit me…I just wanted “me” in the form of a ring. So when my very realistic expectations didn’t get filled all the way, I was a touch down. So I get ya.

Post # 14
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am not snarky or rude, but I do have a different opinion than most of the people here.  I do think that it is wrong to try to replace your ring, especially if he doesn’t want you to.  He gave it to you when he asked you to be his wife.  That’s not something that can be replaced or upgraded.  Sure, you can wear a different ring on that finger, but it wouldn’t be your real engagement ring.  I know, a lot of people would disagree with me, but the important thing is that your husband seems not to.  He gave you that ring and it meant something to him.  I think it’s wrong to talk about selling it, pushing him into upgrading, or even saving to upgrade yourself. 

If you want a show-offy ring why not ask him for a beautiful RHR for your anniversary? 

No one cares about your ering as much as you do.  Women with larger rings aren’t looking at it secretly comparing it to theirs.  That just doesn’t happen IRL, and if it does, then those people have some serious character flaws. 

Appreciate your ring for what it is, a symbol of your husband’s love and commitment.  What it looks like is so unimportant in comparison to what it means. 

Best of luck and I hope that you and your husband come to a solution that makes you both happy. 

Post # 16
Member
3401 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

No need to apologize; your original post was fine. I do think that you should stop hoping for a ring from your husband and instead be upfront with him and tell him you want to put $ aside each month to save for it.

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