- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
(I apologize if this post is a bit confusing… it is in response to my last post, so if you read this and have no idea whats going on because you didn’t read my first post, I apologize.)
First of all, sorry for all the confusion as to whether or not I am married or not. I am married to my husband. We got married on June 19, 2012. That being said, someone brought up that I said that his ex cheated on him in boot camp and that I came after. He, my ex, his ex, and myself were friends before he had joined the navy and they had been engaged for a while before… no we weren’t together together long before we got engaged, but we didn’t need to be.
Secondly, what I mean by I’m not materialistic is that I don’t have a lot of fancy jewelry, or shoes, or clothes or what have you… I never wanted all that. But the e-ring is that ring you dream about since childhood… that ring that means the most out of any piece of jewelery you will have in your entire life… is it so wrong to want one that is a bit “show-offie?”
Third, I’m sorry that I came across as rude, or immature, etc. I’ve been holding all of that in for quite a while and was venting everything out to a computer screen that doesn’t reply, at a very early hour (as is this one). I’d also like to point out my user status to the left of this post and how it clearly states that I am a “wannabee”… meaning I am very new to this site, and have not yet gotten into the swing of this site, while I did reference it quite a few times as I was planning my wedding… so I’m sorry I went a while without responding, it’s not because I’m not real… it’s because I’m new here and thus not used to coming here.
Forth, The ex thing, with the ring, only reason I got involved is because, like I said, we were friends prior to her cheating and me and him hooking up, and one day on fb she posted the ebay bid for the ring… I had obviously seen the ring before so I knew it was his. I brought it to his attention… and he asked me (since he wasn’t available to talk to her at the time himself) to talk to her about it before she sold it, because, as many stated, in some states (in particular the one they were engaged in, where she lived, and where his residence is) an e-ring is a contract, an agreement to get married, she obviously broke that… and thus the ring is his property. While it is a civil matter at first it can very quickly turn into a criminal case… a e-ring can be very expensive, and just like if you let your significant other use your car while your together but then they break up with you and take your car and refuse to give it back, it can quickly turn into theft. He wanted his ring back, he stated that to me and her, and then she was trying to sell it (It kinda the same concept as taking that car and then selling it). Anyway, the only reason I brought that up was because with that ring that he bought her, before he was enlisted, he could have bought the setting that I wasn’t for his mother’s diamond… and if he didn’t want to spend that money on the ring itself (which is a common excuse) he could have used money devoted to other things to buy my ring, and use the money from her ring to pay for the other things… if that makes since. That plus asking me to confront her about it, then refusing to go get the ring is a bit embarrassing to me. But that whole situation was a while ago, and yes that’s all been said and done with.
With all that said, thank you to those of you who were kind and offered actual advice and supportive words. I have talked to him several times, and he knew from the moment he gave me the ring that it wasn’t going to be my favorite thing in the world. He has a bad habit of ignoring hard situations though (like the ex), so here I am, almost 2 years since I got the ring, and he still hasn’t taken a step toward getting me one he knows I’ll like and one I can wear his mother’s diamond in. I would be wearing his mother’s ring, however, she wears a size 9, and I wear a size 6… and because of how the band on the ring is made it cannot be re-sized so…
Here’s an example of why this is getting as annoying to me as it is… I have brought up the ring every so often, suggesting ways we could save for it, etc… and this Christmas (before we were hit with some surprise bills) he had planned on getting me a very expensive gift… something in the $2,000 range… I, of course, hoped it was the ring… but after the bills hit, he told me he was sorry he couldn’t get me my AR-15… which I haven’t hinted at wanting because while we have guns we hardly go shooting… so I was a bit annoyed that he was able to find a way to save up for the gun… but not the ring.
And maybe “embarrassed to wear it” was a bit harsh to say… I think that it’s more of what my family said when I showed them the ring. Because the people who are supposed to be most happy for me, only showed disgust for the ring… I think I have it plugged in my mind that anyone who sees the ring is looking at it with the same eyes as my family did. My sister got a ring from her boyfriend for some holiday or another, and all anyone could talk about was how pretty it was, and how lucky she was… and it wasn’t even an e-ring! And all they could say to me was “did he get that out of a vending machine?” And like someone said, yes it’s a pretty ring… but it’s not really an engagement kind of ring.
We do have “wedding bands” that we wear… but they were, once again, supposed to be temps until the full set could get bought. They were all of like $20 together, and I bought them for the wedding… they are cute for now… but I think much like how those who get “baby fever” when everyone starts getting preggers and having babies, I get “ring fever” when I see all this other military wives, and my other friends who all have this beautiful diamond rings… and I have what I have…
Finally, let me be clear about this, while this distresses me (obviously) I by no means vent half of what I said to my husband other than telling him what I need to, to get my point across about wanting a better ring. Our relationship is amazing, and I do love my husband very much. If I didn’t I wouldn’t of married him till I got the ring I wanted. I want to be excited about my ring, and I want to be proud to show it off… I’m just not about this ring. Once again, I thank the ones who gave helpful advice without tearing into me, there were a few suggestions that I think I’m going to try. 🙂 For those who found it better to rip me apart and call me immature for needing to vent on a online form that was developed for people to vent on at 4 am… maybe you should take a look in the mirror. “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. After all, it is the internet, and there is a back button.”