(Closed) [Repost from Porposals] Advice on how to stop thinking "This is it…!" ?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1027 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

AHHH!!! I went through this, I was so mean to my BF ( now FI), because he talked about marriage all the time and I wanted a RING, lol.I got fed up with it, and let it go.  Little did I know, he had the ring, talked to my parents, he just wanted to catch me off guard. He proposed in a cave while doing a staring contest. I was SHOCKED! I started a journal months before it happened to write down my thoughts/emotions, also exercising helped 😀 KNOWING it’s the last months without a ring, keep suprising eachother, enjoy your time together.

Post # 3
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s super hard not to read too much into any and every special event, holiday or trip when you know an engagement is in the works. You can distract yourself all you want trying to focus on other stuff, but truthfully you’ll prob still be thinking about it while you’re doing circuits at the gym! But it’s definitely something to strive for because you don’t want these trips or special occasions to get spoiled for you or your FI-to-be if a proposal doesn’t happen that particular time.

Here’s something I’ve done that oddly seemed to work for me- pretend it’s an even further date away. Sounds a bit silly perhaps but try to think ot them as 3 separate events – trip first, then anniversary, then engagement. Focus on a date after the first 2 events ie “I’ll bet he’s planning a long weekend proposal for Labour Day/ Thanksgiving etc” and when you think of engagement as you inevitably will, try thinking about it occuring on that day- so you still get to secretly dwell on it somewhat, but subconsciously you’re not connecting it to your vacation or your anniversary anymore. Then if it does happen sooner you can genuinely be a little caught off guard, but less likely to be devastated if it doesn’t. Disappointed likely, but moderately enough to be able to still have fun and keep it to yourself 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1054 posts
Bumble bee

The night that I got engaged my best friend told me “you can’t be mad at him if he doesn’t propose. If he proposes it’s an amazing night, and he doesn’t it’s a normal night. Normal isn’t a bad thing.” Best advice. I did get engaged that night, but I kept thinking that I wish she’d told me that last time I saw him (we only saw each other every 4/5 months) because I completely ruined Labor Day weekend by getting my hopes up every single day and being mad when he didn’t do it. 

Post # 5
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I’d focus on “positive expectation” rather than hope. You do know it’s going to happen, just not when. When you start to focus on it happening at a particular time, remind yourself that it IS going to happen so there isn’t anything riding on one day vs. another. 

I recently took a group vacation with several couples, and one of the girls pretty much ruined the trip for herself because she was really hoping her BF would propose to her on the trip. Little does she know that the proposal train has already left the station and it’s happening next month. I’ll bet that she’ll wish she had allowed herself to live in to moment more on the trip after the engagement.

 

Post # 6
Member
9520 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I knew he had the ring for a month, yes I envisioned the proposals he might give for a couple weeks but then gave up. It wasn’t worth stressing, hoping and then being disappointed. Better to just enjoy the moment. His proposal was awesome, unique and completely unexpected, although that morning I did ask him if he liked my outfit in case it was nice enough if proposed that night. He “yeah, you look good”, nothing special so I put a proposal out of my head. As tempting as it is you will thank yourself later for not overthinking it.

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