- 2 years ago
I was thinking about how moms v. CFBC is so divisive.
I thought maybe it would be interesting to hear both mom’s and CFBC women weigh in on a time they felt patronized by someone or society in general for their status as a mother or their status as a woman without children. I understand these threads can get heated, but it doesn’t need to be an opinion thread… just a sharing of personal experience.
I see both sides of the coin.
For a long time I was a fence sitter regarding kids but I think deep down I always leaned toward wanting to be a mother. Whether or not this was mainly a fear of missing out – I am still exploring.
I realize now for ME PERSONALLY I knew I had some reproductive issues that would likely make pregnancy difficult… so I did take on an “I hate kids” persona for awhile to make that reality easier on me. As I hit 30 I felt judged by my acquaintances and even some friends who had children. Hard to explain exactly how and why I felt the way I did, but I had this feeling of being “less than” or I guess… eccentric, because my life didn’t look like the life of 90% of the people I know. I avoided getting together with certain friends when they had their babies because I didn’t like to hear commentary like “you don’t know love until you have a child” or “you’ll understand when you’re a mom.” Most of them were well meaning, but that talk can actually be pretty hurtful. I am glad one day if I do become a mother, that I realize that.
Even now, I date a guy with a son and I have to keep my emotions in check about it. Sometimes I start to feel empty or insecure about the fact that he is a parent and I am not. Like I am missing some special puzzle piece that makes me whole. I find myself getting defensive sometimes. Then I check myself and realize I am totally whole as a childfree woman. I am capable of love, discipline, providing structure, compassion – all of the things a parent is capable of.
I suppose I still do want one child someday. But I also have gone 32 years without one and I am happy about that. I really cherish all the years I had to figure myself out. I still enjoy those quiet child free nights with a book, some wine and my dog. I enjoy pampering myself and foscusing on my work and hobbies. I can see the awesomeness in being childfree now, whereas I couldn’t before. It isn’t a shallow existence either, it is actually a deeply rich existence, just in a different way.
I think although different lifestyles for the CFBC and moms, we are all women. We have days where we feel like we suck at life, other days when we feel on top of the world. We have hopes and dreams. We have goals for our future. We have doubts.
It would be nice to stop letting our reproductive choices be such a deciding factor in how we view each other. I feel like all it takes is a little respect. Maybe a CFBC woman easing up on the sarcasm when posting about people’s children. Or mom’s remembering that just because you are somehow complete because you had a child, doesn’t mean another woman feels incomplete without one. Maybe in a perfect world?