(Closed) Requiring Attendance?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think it might be going a little to far to "require" your BMs to attend a particular shower.  Unless you have already cleared the day with all of them, there is a very good chance that they have plans for the day of the shower.  Also, it could be nice to have some of your girls at the less fun shower so that you have backup.

I had to miss the shower of a friend that I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for because of other things that I could not get out of.  So for some reason or another, I missed both of her showers and she understood under the circumstances (I had been out of the country for 2 months so I missed the first one and the second one was 4 days after I got back and I just couldn’t bear to get on another plane so soon).

Post # 4
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I would invite all the bridesmaids to both showers and hope they can make it! It might also be nice to clarify that they don’t need to bring gifts and that you would just really like their company. I’m guessing that if they get invites and are free that day, they will definitely come!

Post # 5
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Have mom contact the BMs and ask them for help setting up on the day of the shower – the one that you really want them at.  That way, they know they’re important and they’re wanted.

 

I’m pretty sure that you don’t get to require anything.  Except that Mr. S. shows up on the day of the wedding.  Everything else that you require requires a contract.

Post # 6
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’m not sure that you can "require" your maids to attend–I suppose, but that seems a bit odd.

Maybe you can explain the situation to them–‘look, I know it might be hard for you to go to both showers, but I’d really like it if you could come to the one on [date]"

If they are not local (I’m thinking of two examples where the Maid/Matron of Honor lived in another country), it might not be fair to "require" them to go to either (e.g., my sister will be in Asia (I think) during a shower someone is throwing me–she will probably be invited, but I have already told her that I certainly don’t expect her to come!)

Hope that makes sense! 

Post # 7
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

Nope. Let me tell you- my Maid/Matron of Honor nor my mother made it to my shower. Making it a requirement means you require their presence— meaning they do not "want" to be there— but they should want to… now if we’re talking about your sister here… Oh just let her stay home! LOL!

Post # 8
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

Ha – that’s so funny because I’m in the exact same situation!!  I would never tell my girls that they have to come to one or the other.  I told them all that they’ll be invited to both, but that it’s up to them (and their schedules) if they come to one, both or none.  I also told them that I would really like them to be at my Mom’s house, but won’t be offended if they can’t be.  I would just tell them exactly what you told us!!

Post # 9
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2008

How exactly are you going to make sure they are there?  I mean, say someone has to be somewhere…are you going to physically drag them to the shower?  I had 2 showers too, one that my mom threw and one the groom’s mom threw.  All but one of my bridesmaids came to the one the groom’s mom had, which was full of stuffy not fun people.  Only 3 (of 7)were able to come to the "fun" one my mom had.  We still had a really good time and it was less stressful trying to keep 3 people happy than 6.  I say ask, don’t require-if they are able to come they will probably come-they are your bridesmaids after all.

Post # 10
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I also think this is problematic.  You can certainly invite them, and let them know you would really like them to be there.  If you’re going to "require" them to be there, I guess you would have to figure out what you’re going to do if they don’t show.  I mean, I have "required" training at work.  If I don’t show, I’m not qualified to do my job, and probably if I didn’t have a really good reason for not showing they would fire me.  Or at least dock my pay.  Since you’re not paying your BMs, I guess you would have to fire them – but that’s probably a little extreme.

Post # 11
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Seriously required or what??? they are stuck with the dress and no wedding to wear it to???   I think if they are in your wedding that would mean they are meaninful to your life and they would want to be by your side at showers etc…. so ask them, beg them but don’t turn into bridezilla and send out an ultimatium.

Post # 12
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Require?  Allow? 

No. 

Post # 13
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I am going to second Cricket’s sound advice. Telling them that you would prefer their company to a gift would be very gracious and might encourage their attendance.

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