(Closed) resentful

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@lsimpson:  This is the perfect place to get it all out and find some ladies in the same boat as you. 

Its not too much to ask for him to propose before you move out of the country for him.  If he didn’t do that, I’d be beyond upset plus I absolutely would not go.  You’ve been putting him first for a while and that’s great but he needs to reciprocate.

Post # 5
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee

Just like he has a right to pursue his dreams so do you. Honestly tying an engagement to such a nebulous goal would make me upset too, it isn’t fair to you. I think you need to sit him down and let him know exactly how you feel, maybe even give him a version of your original post since you explained your feelings so well. It does sound like he expects you to put your life on hold even though your goal of being engaged and his goal of a career change aren’t in conflict at all.

Post # 6
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Jen-in-GA:  +1. I’d suggest telling him you’re not moving without some sort of commitment, I think that’s pretty unfair to expect you to move with him without it even if he is a sweetheart.

Post # 8
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@lsimpson:  “but the main reason I would go is because of him, he was always the one that wanted to leave” – TELL HIM THAT!


That whole “don’t you trust me?” would get me pissed. It’s not that – you want a commitment and frankly you damn well deserve one! If I were you I’d tell him that you feel like he’s been putting career etc. in front of you for too long and now you want to be put first. It must suck taking a backseat for so long *hugs*

Post # 9
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@lsimpson:  When your lease runs out move out by yourself. 8 years plus a move to another country and no ring? You have shown your level of commitment, where’s his? I wouldn’t waste any more of my time on this guy.

Post # 11
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@lsimpson:  What if that doesn’t happen for 2-3 years? The most concerning aspect for me is that he responded to your request by asking whether you trust him. I don’t believe he is really interested in marriage at all and he will always find an excuse like his wanting a better job. I have been proposed to by 3 different men and none of them were concerned about anything other than proposing (also all were within 3 years.)

Post # 13
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@lsimpson:  He’s preparing for a doctorate which means when he finally finishes all the work it takes to get there, his first priority will be his career.  It sucks being second place. I can see why youre resentful.

He should know with all his being that you trust him, after 8 years of staying by his side (he already left the country for a year before now!) Lucky man!  Does he know how many women would have found another guy?

Not talking about a huge wedding but just a ring and words saying I will marry you one day – um that is not too much to ask for or demand at this point.  He sounds sweet and he’ll be a good provider financially but there’s emotional well being to address right now.  Good luck dear.

Post # 15
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@lsimpson:  As a pre-engagement gift to you, I would like to hit him over the head with a baseball bat.

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