(Closed) Resentful after Proposal

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
967 posts
Busy bee

Ummmm…wha? You’re pissed he didn’t propose and you’re pissed he did? Poor guy.


Post # 3
1164 posts
Bumble bee

When my fi proposed we had three weeks left of long distance before moving in together, my way of dealing with not seeing him was usually to almost ignore how much I love him and just powed through head down… it is pretty much impossible to do that when someone has just proposed! On top of that my job was not very secure and he proposed a lot earlier than I ever thought he would. Once I got over the initial excitement I was cross with him…not fof proposing but for doing it when he did. In the end I took my ring off,, had a very long feeling sorry for myself bath and a bit of a cry before going to bed. The next morning I did some soul searching and came to the conclusion that whatever happens I want to be married to him and so what if it didn’t happen quite when I expected or wasn’t the most convenient time for me…it’s still awesome,  scary and exciting. I’m not sure if this is helpful in anyway but just wanted to share that you’re not alone in having feelings you wouldn’t have expected after being proposed to. 

Post # 4
1507 posts
Bumble bee

I think you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Do you love your FI? Does he love you? Do you want to be married? If the answer to all of these things is yes, you need to let your resentment go. It won’t change it- you can’t go back in time and have him propose sooner. It won’t help your future together by holding onto old feelings.

As hard as it might be to admit, he might not have been ready all those years ago. Age doesn’t matter- if he was 23 or 33 or 43, if he wasn’t at the point of proposing and getting married, then he just wasn’t ready. Regardless of financial situation and logistics.

So, let it go, and enjoy planning your wedding.

Post # 5
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry but this comes across as extremely whiney! You wanted him to propose, but you’re upset he took so long, which it doesn’t really matter at this point why he did. And you’re also upset that now you’re busy and have a wedding to plan??? Really proposals and marriage aren’t about any of this petty stuff. If you don’t want to plan a wedding, don’t, its very simple.

Post # 6
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club

Yeah, this does not seem legit. Many individuals have waited a long period of time on proposing, doing a wedding, etc. You have to accept one fact: He proposed. That should be it. Not the timeframe, not current dilemma. It’s not like he wants you to stop your life. Many of us who are planning or planned a wedding have had to deal with many obsticles during the process. Just another fact.

Post # 7
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s not all about center pieces and bands…if it’s stressing you out, don’t go big. Invite your family, friends and just get married. I think too much gets wrapped up in expensive bows and we forget that the ‘getting married’ part is more important than the wedding part, if that makes sense. 

Post # 8
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m sorry but I think 5 years is a pretty standard time to get to know each other and not rush into anything, and your age is pretty standard to be thinking about getting married too.  You say your financial situation at the moment is the same, but as he is now in grad school, perhaps he was thinking that when you guys get married you can start your lives together properly as he’ll be graduated by then?

As far as not being interested in wedding planning, that is a pretty standard way for guys to think, plenty of guys couldn’t care less about colour schemes and centrepieces.. it’s just in their DNA.


Post # 9
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

“He prosposed the day before our semesters start (and it was really amazing – that part was great), so inaddition to having a bunch of really hard classes, a full time job, a part time management project and a chronic health issue, I have to plan a wedding. “<br /><br />You sound like you are resentful of the stress of wedding planning, which is understandable, but it isn’t fair to blame your fiance for that stress. You were going to have to plan a wedding in the middle of life at some point, and nearly no one has unlimited time for wedding planning. The summer is almost here, your classes will end soon, and you can relax a little. Do what you can when you can; this doesn’t have to be a full-time job. Accept that your fiance is no more excited about wedding planning than you are, and let him take over some tasks that he actually does want to do. If you want help or someone to talk to about centerpieces or anything else, use the Bee and/or your female friends and relations!

Your wedding doesn’t have to cost thousands or suck up crazy time, if you keep everything simple and cross things off your planning list little by little. You don’t have to plan the whole thing all at once. 


Post # 10
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

You’re gonna get some harsh replies after your post.  Fair warning…

I’d say, if you don’t want to plan a big wedding right away, then don’t.  You can get married at a courthouse, you can have a 2-3 year engagement and wait til you’re out of school for a big shindig, you can have a really simple affair with closest friends and families… the possibilities are endless.

If your guy is still in grad school, then I understand why he wouldn’t want to have gotten engaged earlier.  Some men really need to feel like they’re in control of their lives and that they can be “head of the family” etc before committing to marriage, and that’s hard when you’re still in school.

I guess I”d just say that if you love your fiance and want to marry him and spend your lives together, then focus on that.   It’s exciting!  You’re getting married!  You can plan the exact wedding you want!  You get to spend your whole life with this awesome dude!  If you can’t make this time joyful, how are you going to deal with the actual bad times in your marriage?

Post # 11
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

He could have waited until after grad school, that would have solved everything.

Post # 12
3239 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Agree with pp’s, focus on the fact you are engaged now! 

Can you enlist your mom/sister for wedding help? Would you be okay with waiting a while longerfor the wedding to be on your own timeline?

Post # 13
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

  You don’t have to plan a wedding. You could always elope. 

Post # 15
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

pirkkodiva:  Agree with PP’s. It sounds as though you’ve lost a little perspective in the craziness of everything that is going on. If you’re viewing planning a wedding as a ‘plate of shit’ that has been handed to you, then maybe the typical wedding isn’t for you. If you love your Fiance and he loves you, and you want to be married, then that’s what you should focus on.


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