First off (( HUGS )) because I honestly think you need em… you are obviously HURT by what you see as his lack of commitment … to the level that you expect / deserve at this point in time within the framework of your relationship.
Now the bad news (sorry)…
BUT as much as you want him to commit to marriage and BE MORE TO YOU… it is pretty clear to me thru your posts (here and previous) that that isn’t him
You aren’t going to change him… try as you might, he honestly
(a) Isn’t into marriage
(b) Isn’t into marrying you
Like I said I am sorry, to have to tell you this, but honest Hon, this quote of yours…
“I’m sick of seeing other men meet a girl, fall in love with her and propose, in less time than we’ve been together. It’s happened to three of my friends, and I don’t understand why their SOs have chosen them as a life partner but mine hasn’t chosen me. Am I less beautiful and special than them, less desirable as a wife?”
Could have come DIRECTLY out of Greg Behrendt’s Book He’s Just Not That Into You… Chapter 4 “He’s Just Not That Into You… If He Doesn’t Want To Marry You”
Infact, it almost is identical to a posting in there from a woman who states that she too had a Boyfriend like this…
Bad News… After spending years and years waiting for him, she finally left… only to find out he starting dating someone else, and within no time the two of them were engaged !!
What was wrong with her ???
In truth… NOTHING
In the end he wanted someone else… someone he could “manipulate” even more than her (needless to say that relationship won’t end well)
And as for her ???
Why she went on to find an INCREDIBLE man, who when they first began dating she told right off she wanted marriage, she didn’t want to be led on. Either he was open to marriage as a possible outcome of dating (vs serial dating) or she was going “to pass” and look for someone to date who was more serious.
(This is called having a LIFE TALK… there are many posts about this here on WBee, and as someone in your 30s it is something you should be doing sooner in the dating cycle than later)
Fact is, SHE WAS NOW IN CONTROL OF HER LIFE… she wasn’t waiting around for Mr Right… she was actively looking for what she wanted out of life… a happy committed realationship that would lead to Marriage.
That is the difference here between your relationship and that one. You are busy waiting around for him to be ready… something that quite frankly may never happen (be it with you or someone else after you are gone)
Also, if you by some magical way do get this guy to propose… there is a good chance that your marriage won’t be that happy afterall… trust me as the “Sparkly Christmas Present” conveys he’ll be continually holding the fact that the two of you got Engaged / Married over your head as “Something YOU Wanted”… and went along with, and NOT something that he Proposed / Desired with ALL HIS HEART AND BEING
Been there done that… was married to THAT MAN for over 20 years… and it was a very unhappy marriage where I was the one giving and giving, and doing all the work in the relationship and he just rode along on the coat-tails… and got more and more sarcastic, non-caring, verbally abusive etc. NOT A GOOD MARRIAGE AT ALL
A GOOD MARRIAGE is where BOTH Partners are committed and cannot see their lives without the other. A GOOD MARRIAGE is where one would continually put the other’s well being before their own. A GREAT MARRIAGE is where each makes the other a BETTER PERSON just because they are in each others life (lift each other up to be the best they can be)
From your description… this is NOT the relationship you have
Another good book to read on this subject, on getting what you want out of life / love is Dr Phil’s Book – Love Smart ~ Find the One You Want – Fix the One You Got
It’ll put you in a mindset of figuring out exactly what it is you want out of life (without settling). And how to make it happen
There is also an excellent Chapter on Getting Engaged (or trying to… when a Man doesn’t seem keen to Propose / hasn’t as of yet)
Fact is tho…
YOU want to be married. So it is YOU who has to take action.
Personally tho, I think after reading these two books you’ll come to the same conclusion as everyone else (myself included) on this post…
YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THIS GUY
As Greg Behrendt says you are an AMAZING Woman, and a guy should be honoured to be with you (not debating the fact)
THE RIGHT GUY KNOWS THAT… he will not hesitate to marry you… he’ll be Proposing because he wants you to be his wife… because he doesn’t want you to slip away into the night (ala Cinderella if you will)
A MAN IN LOVE is the most AMAZING POWERFUL FORCE… they know what they want. And WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN… hence all the Proposal Stories we read about here on WBee… (and more importantly the ones where the Guys themselves come to WBee asking advice on HOW TO MAKE SURE THE PROPOSAL IS FABULOUS BECAUSE THEY THINK THE WORLD OF THEIR WOMAN… AND WANT TO MAKE HER HAPPY / SHOW HER HOW SPECIAL SHE IS)
It is the stuff modern fairy tales are made of… as well as the traditional kind we all read as children… where Prince Charming slays the dragon to win the girl. There may not be dragons in real life… but there are REAL MEN out there, who won’t let anything come between them and their girl.
BE THAT GIRL…
Read the books I referenced above … and SEE what is going on in this Relationship for yourself.
Time to make a move.
Talk about waiting…
Mr Right is out there waiting to find you (probably saying “Where have all the GREAT Girls gone ?” )… he can’t find you if you are holed up in a long term relationship with Mr Non-Committed… so tell me are you going to keep Mr Right waiting much longer ??
Because given the two choices, I’d be packing my bags today !!