- 5 months ago
Looking for advice so please be kind. Long story short I have been with my fiance for 7.5 years now. He took me ring shopping in January 2017 and we picked out a ring, told me he would propose by end of 2017. Anyway it didn’t happen by said timeline and I got really upset. He said it just slipped his mind and that he honestly forgot. I get that he was going through some mental health issues etc but I told him how important it was for me as I wanted to move forward in our relationship and that that’s what I needed from him. In fact I was getting upset all throughout 2018 where sometimes things would trigger me e.g. going to other peoples weddings and engagements. He would always say things like please dont get upset at such and such’s wedding/engagement. I mentioned to him atleast 5 times how hurtful it was that he kept making me wait. I even made it easy for him and organised my own ring. I always explicitly said I didn’t want a fancy public proposal, just something private and from the heart. Not sure how much clearer I could have been.
Anyway the ring arrived in July 2018 and was sitting at home somewhere and by October I got so impatient I just lost it and I moved out and went to stay in an air bnb for a month because I just kept drowning in my emotions pondering why it was taking so long and I even thought he was going to wait until our 7 year anniversary in November. When I did leave thats when fiance admitted he was planning on proposing in November on our 7 year anniversary.
So the anniversary rolls around, he organised dinner, by that time we were very rocky and I had not moved back in yet. What triggered me again was no proposal on anniversary? His reasoning now when we talk about it was he couldn’t propose because I had moved out. Am I being unrational here? It’s not like he had organised anything?!! And then we had a huge fight on anniversary night and i was crying so he quickly ran upstairs and got the ring and put it on my finger for fear I was going to leave for good.
I felt relief at the time but also disappointment because he didn’t formally ask me to marry him. He just shoved it on my finger cos he saw I was so upset and he wanted all the hurt and turmoil for me to stop. I told him in January this year that I was disappointed in my proposal and that I would like for him to do it over again for me and again I explicitly said I just wanted something from the heart, nothing fancy or public, just something nice and genuine. He said he understood why I wanted it done over and then to give him some more time until the end of February. And so in my head I was like hmmm ok here we go again, making me wait. Come the end of february we went on a small interstate holiday for 4 days. It got to 12 hours before we had to fly back home and still no proposal. He knew we had to meet some friends for brunch the next morning before we flew out and this made me even more upset. We were literally just sitting in the hotel room the night before the flight, me watching TV and him just playing on his phone. Anyway it got to midnight (10 hours before our flight) and again I just lost it cos there was no sign he was even going to ask me? Then we had another massive fight and really I just wanted him to propose at the start of the trip or half way through not at the very end because he already knew what all this previous waiting did to me and it was just conjuring up more anxiety for me. And its not like he had anything planned so I just dont know why he wouldn’t just ask me??!!!
Long story short I’m finding it very hard to move forward and get over this resentment. Everytime someone asks me if im married or with someone I say im engaged but it honestly makes me feel awkward knowing deep down inside it wasn’t a happy moment. I hear another girl at my work who got engaged after me and she is so proud and happy to say she’s engaged but for me I just feel hurt and resentment. I feel like he denied me of the moments I deserved and I can never get that back. Then he says things like I should have done it sooner it’s one of my biggest regrets.
Anyone else get a shitty proposal that they then had to back out of the relatioship in it’s entirety?
Feeling hurt and resentful