(Closed) Resentful of His Parents, Not Offering to Pay

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

First of all 64k is ALOT for a wedding. there are ALOT of ways to cut that down. you could have nice wedding with the 40k you already have. the way your Fiance reacted when you brought up his parents helping makes it clear then youshould not bring up his parents helping ever again. if they offer fine, but you need to think about cutting down the guest list…starting with his family.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Cut the guest list and have a $40K wedding.  If you have to keep looking in order to afford a less expensive venue, so be it. Also, I think it’s your FI’s responsibility to explain to his family that they’ll need to invite less ppl due to the budget.  

Post # 6
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It’s traditional for the groom’s family to pay for the honeymoon – have they offered to pitch in at all for the honeymoon? It’s also traditional for the groom’s family to pay for the bride’s bouquet and rehearsal dinner. If they pitch in for those things it would help offset some expenses.

Post # 7
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

1) If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to finance your own wedding. It is not his parents (or yours, for that matter) job to pay for your wedding. The fact that your parents are offering to help as much as they are is amazing and completely generous. 

2) It is your wedding, not theirs. You (and your fi) set the guest list. Not his family. 

3) It is not your job to impress anyone else with how fancy your wedding is. All you really need to do is get married, the rest is just icing on the cake (figuratively and literally). 

You need to first figure out how much money you have, THEN set a budget, THEN pick a venue and set a guest list. Doing things backwards is only going to cause you unnecessary anxiety. 

Post # 8
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Cut. The. Guestlist.  Seriously.

Bare bones of what you can afford and look at venues in your price range.

Post # 10
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

First, take a deep breath. Everything will be OK.

So you say that you have $20,000 from your parents and $20,000 from your FI? So all told, that’s $40,000. That is a lot of money, and you can have a really nice wedding with that amount of money. I just got married on roughly $10,000, and my wedding was amazing.

Unless you want to try to talk your Fiance into asking his parents for money, which they are under no obligation to give to you anyway, then I think you have to find a way to keep your wedding costs down. (And again, $40,000 is a lot of money, so you don’t need to stress!). When you’re way above budget, you find a way to get back down under budget. I don’t believe in spending money you don’t have, and I certainly don’t think it’s worth going into debt over a party that will last one day. 

I got married in the California Bay Area, and we have pretty expensive venues/receptions around here, and I’ve never heard of anything even approaching $32,000. So right there I think you can find some place that is more cost effective and still very nice. Then cut in other areas. I did my own flowers for $300, and they were gorgeous and so much cheaper! We didn’t take engagement pictures (saved $650 right there). We made our own invitations and decorations. A friend made our cake for $150. We didn’t shell out $3000 for a professional videographer–DH’s brother just made a home video for us. It’s totally doable! And when you cut in other areas, you can splurge on things you really want.

And don’t focus on impressing your FI’s family. That is so not what a wedding is about. Focus on celebrating your marriage with your loved ones and throwing a party that is meaningful to you and your future hubby. In a year, no one will remember all the little details of your special day, but you will. So throw the party that you want–and the party that you can afford. 

Good luck! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@CorgiTales Couldn’t have said it better myself.  

Post # 13
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wish I had 40K to work with for my wedding budget…

I think you can plan a very nice wedding with that without a problem. 

Post # 14
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

@CorgiTales: Amen! Especially to that last paragraph. Figure out the budget first and then put together a wedding within that budget. Don’t plan your an expensive wedding and then stress about how you’re going to pay for it. 

Post # 15
Member
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Holy CRAP! I can’t imagine it being a 64k wedding. I’d look at other places for food and beverages. I’m getting married in an expensive place in general and my wedding is 20-25k. Granted I have about 120 guests. There are also other options. I have had issues with open bars. My venue has an open bar for cocktail hour. EVERYONE was told for cocktail hour to drink up because the meal covers soda, water, lemonade, coffee, tea, and iced tea. Otherwise we are doing a tally bar. Which means we set a budget, say $1500. We pay per alcoholic beverage and we have the option of saying if that drink costs over $10 you cannot have it. Once we reach that $1500 we have the option of adding more money to our allotment or have a cash bar. Realistically, it is usually more economical. Not EVERYONE drinks $40 worth of drinks. Most of my FI’s family does not drink, so I would be paying $40 for each of them…do not drink one alcoholic beverage. Also, don’t always believe what you read about it being 1/2. There are also other ways of cutting back. See if your place provides you with a wedding cake, that’ll help save. Get married in a garden or somewhere where you don’t have to decorate much. Church’s are always pretty and SOMETIMES they are so nice you don’t have to do anything. Fake flowers (some of them are looking realer and realer) for centerpieces. Instead of flower centerpieces, there are candles. Candles make everything seem romantic. DIY jobs. Shop for discounts. Shop around. Use coupons. For 15 tables its costing me $300 for centerpieces. There are other ways of going about it. You should NOT be spending 64k. That is unheard of to me in PA! That’s usually like NYC status. Also, You should NOT start your married life fighting over money for a wedding. Factor what you need, look at alternatives. It’s not worth starting your life together in debt. 

 

I cut costs by doing fake flowers and candles for centerpieces. I’m using the fake flowers from the centerpieces in tin buckets hanging from shepherd hooks to do double duty. I’m buying rose petals that will go on the isle and be used on the table centerpieces. My rooms is nice so I don’t have to do much. The most important thing to me is my photographer. I opted to NOT have a videographer because I can’t see us watching it year after year. I have a good photographer that I don’t feel the need to have a videographer. Also look at times of years and ask them when their prices are at the lowest. Having weddings near Christmas or Easter means you have to decorate less for the church.

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