(Closed) Resentful of His Parents, Not Offering to Pay

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 182
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@katiebee3: Good luck!  I know this is not an easy situation to be in.  I could suggest 20 things that I might do to address the problem, but I don’t know all the nuances of your relationship with your Fiance and his family.  It sounds like you did/said the right thing!

Post # 183
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@lazybee: She just posted that he’s looking into other venues. Can we please leave culture out of this?

Post # 184
Member
4335 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@katiebee3: good luck deleting it! 😉

(oh, and I really hope everything works out for you! all the best!)

Post # 185
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Just wanted to say I married into an Italian family as well, and despite the fact that my Mother-In-Law insisted we had to invite everyone and their dog from DH’s side, we told her tough luck and only invited who we wanted. No pay, no say. We had a small, 50 person wedding and it was perfect.

If I were in your position, I would tell your parents to keep their $20,000 and use your FI’s $20,000 as your entire budget. Scale back the guest list to only immediate family and your closest friends (basically only people you a) know personally, and b) couldn’t imagine not having there). If your FI’s family complains, tough luck. It’s fair on all sides; both your extended families are being “scorned” equally, and you won’t have a huge mismatch of his zillion Italian relatives vs. your comparatively smaller family.

I would also remind your Fiance that this is 2011, and that some traditions are way outdated. If he thinks your family should go into debt for your wedding, he needs a smack upside the head.

Post # 186
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Umm, you’re not contributing anything, why should they?  It is YOUR wedding and you’re being a little ridiculous wanting it to be $64K.  I want a $64K wedding too, so do most other brides.  But, the reality is that I do not and will never have that much throw away money laying around.

Post # 187
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@Pinksapphire: Please go back and actually read the thread. She DOESN’T WANT a $64k wedding. Her Fiance and his family do. I also believe she mentioned that she is currently out of a job and has been looking for some time. She was asking for advice on how to get his family to understand and now at least has her Fiance looking at different venues.

Post # 188
Member
2135 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would cut the guest list (part of his familys side of course!) I just don’t think thats fair, and especially if you’ve never even met a bunch of them!

Post # 189
Member
3296 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Here’s my $0.02… FI’s parents don’t get a say. They’re not contributing. That’s all there is to it. 

Post # 190
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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