Resentful towards boyfriend because he won't propose

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Why are you still in a relationship with this guy?

Red flags:

Constantly switching jobs. He can’t commit. He’ll never prove himself at one job and move up in the world

Not willing to compromise

Not willing to discuss serious things that need to be discussed, such as what YOU want out of life

Unrealistic timeline 

In a lot of debt

Lives with parents at this age

Need I go on? Don’t waste your time. 

 

Post # 17
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

sparklysushi :  Are you sure your desire to settle down with this guy isn’t the very essence of ‘settling’? Because there are so many obstacles here that if you popped a red flag atop each obstacle, it would be a sea of red flags. It sounds as though you’re anxious because your friends are all hitting the milestones you’re hoping to reach, and this has made you want to get your own in motion- even with someone as unsuitable as this long distance man-child. 

p.s. and five years to live together prior to engagement?! lol what fresh horror does he think is liable to emerge at this point that wasn’t evident in the first four years of living together? Ass-dragging that obvious is an insult to your intelligence. 

Post # 18
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

sparklysushi :  Your dream is to get married, and have kids. You won’t have kids outside of marriage, so you have to ask yourself if he’s worth sticking with if your timeline comes and goes, and you find yourself single with no childelren. Is he really worth handing your life over to? And what if he never finds a good job? What if he’s always in debt? 

And why would he go off on you for wanting marriage and a family at a reasonable age? Weird. 

Believe me when I tell you this: the years pass in the blink of an eye. Be honest with where you see yourself in 10 years, Bee. 

Post # 19
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

sparklysushi :  The guy can’t even hold down a job! 2 years for this 5 years for this…Bee that’s if it happens in that timeline. You stick with him you might not even get engaged until your 40! If your lucky. Is this what you really want. You have been with him for 2 years break it off now. You two are not on the same page. Find someone who wants the samething as you do. He has alot of growing up to do. You haven’t even lived with yet. How do you know that will even work? He doesn’t want to marry you right away or soon or in 3 years and that is ok. But if it is not what you want than move on. 

Post # 20
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

sparklysushi :  That sounds like an awful lot of rules for someone who is so unstable.  I wouldnot be comfortable spending the rest of my life with someone like that.

Post # 21
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

Chiming in again to say that I was so distracted by all the other red flags that I missed one of the biggest- you say he ‘lost it on you’ when you told him how you feel?! So you can’t even express your feelings or tell him what your own goals are without him pitching a hissy fit? And what exactly do you mean by ‘he lost it on you’?? This could mean anything from a childish flounce to dealbreaking name-calling raging. Please clarify. 

Post # 22
Member
12222 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Dump. 

Post # 23
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

sparklysushi :  So, why do you want to marry this guy? He’s a grown man living with his parents, can’t keep a job yet took out a loan which landed him in debt that will take him forever to pay off because he doesn’t have steady income?

He sounds like a loser. Please move on.

Post # 24
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

While he may not have used these words, he has flat-out told you he doesn’t intend to marry you. He feels no need to take any action to change that. Why would you wait for this guy? Maybe he will grow up and maybe he won’t, but don’t make it your problem.

Post # 25
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

sparklysushi :  Girl move on, you could do so much better!

Post # 26
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - Massachusetts

thank u, next

Post # 27
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

He had a full-on tantrum because you told him you didn’t want to delay kids until 35? All the bees have hit the nail on the head. Throw the whole man away.

Not the point at all, but your last paragraph makes it sound like you’re main push for getting engaged is because your friends are settling down. I’m kind of confused at both of your stances on this. I don’t think this is the relationship for either of you.

Post # 28
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

Yeah just throw the whole boyfriend away.

Post # 29
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Wow, just wow.  This should be plastered everywhere.  Beautifully said! softdrink77 :  

Post # 30
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

Run, run now and fast.  He sounds like a loser.  

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