- 2 years ago
Hi there, I can’t seem to get something off my mind and it’s affecting my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years. He asked me to move in after 5 months of dating so I did. After the first 7 months or so, he brought up that he wanted to marry me (it wasn’t a proposal, though, just speaking thoughts). I had been feeling/thinking that I wanted to marry him also, but I had never brought it up before so I was really excited he said something about it first. A couple months later we took a vacation and he planned out this dinner at a restaurant with an amazing view of the city and mountains behind it. He seemed kinda nervous so I was kinda thinking this was it! But it didn’t happen. I had booked an event for the next day for something he’s wanted to do his entire life as a little boy and I thought maybe this would be perfect, he would get to live out his dream and it would be a perfect setting on ocean water. It didn’t happen. Vacation ended and no proposal and I thought damn, this would’ve been perfect. But I wasnt too upset about it. A few months later, it was the beginning of 2017. We had been talking about getting married. I got excited and joked oh so when is that gonna happen? He said soon. Before the end of the year. (I thought oh watch, he will wait till the very last day of the year). I bring it up every couple weeks because we will see it on tv or our friends get engaged or it’s all over FB. He tells me to just be patient, it will be soon. October we took another vacation, a year after our first vacation. He kept asking me to figure out when sunset would be so we could walk along the beach during that time. I thought oh my gosh! This is it! Vacation ended and I went home unengaged. All my friends and coworkers asked to see my left hand and I said there wasn’t a proposal and they all acted surprised because it was our second vacation together at the ocean and they all thought it was gonna happen. So did I. It’s eating away at me after the vacation and I got upset about it. He said maybe he was waiting till Christmas because it’s my favorite time of year (of course he would tell me in January it will be this year and then wait till December to do it). Then New Year’s rolls around and still no proposal happened. It’s 2018 now. What happened?? He strung me along all year. Said just be patient, it’s going to happen. He said that last year. All year long and got my hopes up :'(
Now I feel so resentful and every week or so I make a hint at it and he won’t communicate about it and it leaves me angry, confused, and very hurt. He said now I’m just pressuring him and it makes him not want to do it. I am starting to shift how I feel about him because he’s making me wait and it’s been over 2 years now when he originally brought it up in the first few months.
I feel like I’m running out of time with my biological clock. I don’t want kids this very second, but even if we got engaged today, it takes about a year or more to plan, then I wanted to be married and without kids for at least a year or 2, and at that time I’ll be in my 30s and I already have health issues that will make it more difficult to get pregnant as it is, I feel like I’m wasting precious time waiting around for something that may never come.
Help! I don’t know how to let it go so he feels unpressured! I hate that all the cards are in his hands. He has told me he already knows he wants to be with me but.. what’s the hold up? He brushes it off and tells me he just hasn’t gotten around to planning anything. Those are terrible choices of words 🙁