(Closed) Resenting DH for Pressure to Breastfeed

posted 7 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@PandasWifey:  whilst I dont see eye to eye with you on some of the personal reasons, I can completely understand why you would not want to due to the medications you need to take. In fact, you didnt even need to list the other reasons, that one alone is enough for most people to understand that its not an option for you.

If it is a danger to your health not to take the meds and taking the meds is bad for your baby… I dont think there is really a question here. Whilst I dont agree with not breastfeeding if you are physically able to, if there is a medical reason for it, I am supportive

EDIT – I would probably refrain from listing the other reasons when arguing for not doing it as it does look pretty selfish (as if you get down to the bare basics, you are putting yourself before your baby. Dont mean to offend but many people will see it that way). The medical issue, yep great, its a completely justifiable reason. But your husband and other people around you will probably not be open to the other reasons.

Post # 4
33 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am decidedly in the “your body, your way” camp. I don’t know if I’ll breastfeed or not when we have a child, but it’ll be a decision made by both of us, in the interests of what’s best for all three of us. If I resented breastfeeding or would be miserable doing it, or just plain didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t. Full stop.

Plenty of children have been formula-fed and are fine (my wonderful half-siblings included in that). Plenty of children have been breastfed… and are fine (myself included in that). Do what is best for you and your family. I have to imagine a happy formula-feeding mother is a better one than a miserable breast-feeding one.

Post # 6
4038 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry Panda. You’ve had a rough go of this pregnancy. I remember you having to go to the hospital for your migraines in the beginning…is he just ignoring the damaging physical effects not taking your migraine medication is causing you? 

Post # 7
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m so sorry you’re upset! I would be too. Your husband should understand that you NEED to take your medication. Any rational person would understand that not everyone can breastfeed, and you fall into that category for sure. Could you maybe have your Dr talk to him about it? It’s a shame that he thinks he gets to push you now on this issue – it’s really not fair of him at all. 

I was a mostly formula-fed baby, and I turned out just fine. Your baby will too. 

Post # 8
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

In reading your post, I’m not really sure that breastfeeding is the true problem here. It seems that the real problem is that your whole pregnancy has taken on a “you vs. him” persona. Neither one of you should be dictating any “rules” towards eachother. It should be an ongoing conversation with discussions, education, and compromise. You seem to hold a lot of resentment towards him and what you had to give up in order to have your baby, and that is not healthy for either of you or for the baby. I think you may benefit from some counseling so that you can both get back on the same page and realize that you are building a family together and working towards a common goal, not against eachother.

ETA: For the record, I completely understand/agree with you regarding your feelings of breastfeeding. I have the same aversions and the only thing that is even slightly making me reconsider trying to Boyfriend or Best Friend is that I’ve been told it helps you loose the baby weight 🙂

Post # 9
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@PandasWifey:  I removed the reference to the comment in my inital post. I know you didnt mean offence, but I can see how others could.

I am glad you didnt take offence as it was not intended, just an observation :). Good luck with hubby, fingers crossed the two of you can come to an agreement on the situation.

One a side note, have you considered donated breast milk? Even if its just for the first few months? It might keep hubby happy

Post # 10
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This sounds like a terrible situation, I’m so sorry that your husband is putting you through this! Can you have him come to an appt with you and your ob where your ob asks him to lay off because it’s causing you stress, which isn’t good for the baby, or the ob can tell him bf is ok? He needs to hear this from a professional since hearing it from you isn’t working.

Post # 12
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I hear where you’re coming from although I completely disagree. As for him telling you that you have to give up alcohol… I think that’s kind of a no brainer, so I wouldn’t really consider it a “fair trade” for you not breast feeding. Can you compromise and agree to try it for 1 week or 2 after the baby is born? Or maybe even just during your maternity leave from work? Lactation consultants can be really great about helping you position the baby so that you aren’t in pain and so that it is as efficient as possible. The pain your sister experienced isn’t considered normal by the articles I’ve read/people I’ve talked to/professionals I’ve asked. As for the baby sticking your boob in its mouth…I’m sure you’re going to encounter much grosser things. Although it’s “your body” its his child and the benefits of breast feeding even a little while are pretty incredible. I can see why he’s pushing you to at least consider/try it.

As for the medication, if you were going to put your life at risk (or be completely miserable) you shouldn’t have gotten pregnant and adopted instead… at this point you need to do what’s best for the baby. Please consider calling your doctor and seeing if there are any alternative medications or if prenatal massage or acupuncture could be considered. Prenatal yoga is also supposed to do wonders (it’s not offered in my area).

I’m sorry if I sound harsh, but becoming pregnant/growing a child has to be an unselfish act. I do think that you can find some compromise– maybe if you try breastfeeding for the first two weeks he changes all of the diapers. DH has already volunteered to do that when our little one comes since I will spend a significant amount of time breastfeeding. I’m 19 weeks.

Post # 13
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@PandasWifey: I don’t agree with some of the things you wrote (I am not a dairy cow–um, but like a dairy cow, you are a mammal, that’s technically what boobies were made for). But you should not be judged if you’re NOT breastfeeding. Not everyone wants to and not everyone can. I’m sorry your husband is doing this–even though he knew how you felt.

It’s YOUR body. Your Darling Husband can’t force you to breastfeed your child and I guess I don’t understand how your sister’s husband would not permit her to stop. I agree with @Bears-bub: that your first reason is reason enough not to breastfeed, so that you can get back to being completely healthy–you’ll have too much to deal with once the baby is here to deal with those migraines. You don’t need anymore reasons, stand your ground. I guess you’ll have to do a little research to find articles that support formula, but I think you should sit down with your Darling Husband in neutral territory (not your home), just the two of you, and have an open and honest talk about this.

I don’t have any great articles because I’m planning on breastfeeding, but BFing was completely my choice, and plenty of people, like myself, were formula fed and were healthy kids and are healthy adults.


Post # 14
3204 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with the previous post. Even as a person who is very pro-breastfeeding (especially if it is for superficial reasons) I think your health issues effectively nullify the need to Boyfriend or Best Friend. baby needs to have the best chance to be healthy, but so does mommy!

Post # 15
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@PandasWifey:  I would most certainly speak with your doctor and try to get some “ammunition” in your arguement relating to the medical side-effects that you would experience because of not taking your medication after the birth.  I agree with PP’s that using the discontinuance of alcohol and the “ickyness” factor of BFing may not be as convincing an argument when discussing it with Darling Husband.

That being said, I think that the bigger issue is that you and Darling Husband aren’t DISCUSSING these decisions.  Maybe the post is coming across one sided because it’s coming from your point of view, but I would be concerned if my husband was TELLING me how we’re going to raise our child as opposed to expressing his views and being open to hearing mine.  I think that counselling before baby comes sounds like a must- the pressure and stress won’t be any less when the LO is here.

Good luck- while I am a big Boyfriend or Best Friend proponent (child of a lactation consultant!) I think that every woman should do what she is comfortable with and should never feel pressured otherwise!

EDIT- if he thinks that your OB is a quack, ask him to choose a medical professional of his choice- I doubt that any MD will tell you to stay off necessary medication only for the purpose of BFing, espcially with the added stress it causes.

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