- 2 months ago
Fiance and I have lived together almost two years, we have 3 kids between the two of us from our past marriages. We pay about 50/50 of the household bills (mortgage [which is in my name, house i built before we met], utilities, and so on).
I work A LOT. I have a great career, but my schedule is tough. Alternating day/night 12 hour shifts (6a-6p / 6p-6a). Because of this, I miss out on things and I feel like my time at home with the family is precious. I’m also expected [but also need to financially] to pick up overtime shifts, as I am right now actually!
My fiance owns his own business. He makes good money, but his schedule is very flexible. So flexible, in fact, that he usually rolls into work around 10am and leaves around 12:30 to go play a round of golf. Sounds great, right?! EXCEPT, I wake up at 4:30am, work until 6pm, come home, cook dinner, help kids with homework, clean around the house, fold laundry, etc. Just to go to bed and wake up to do it all over again.
He recently chewed me out for piling clean laundry in baskets for days instead of folding them immediately. I explained that sometimes, I want to come home after a 12 hour shift and just CHILL. And maybe since he has so much free time, he should fold it. He says just because he has a more flexible schedule doesn’t mean he should do all the housework. Keep in mind, I’m a bit OCD, in that I cannot relax in a messy house, which is why I usually come home and clean everyday, and deep clean on my days off (except laundry, that crap can sit there forever for all I care). I enjoy it, it clears my mind and I like having a clean home, and I NEVER ask him to do dishes or vacuum, nothing like that.
I also have been struggling financially, just from past debts from my divorce and now going back to court again for custody. He’s so comfortable financially, and yet does not offer to help alleviate ANY financial household burdens. I’m the main one that buys necessities for the home, groceries. Is it wrong for me to want him to help a little more?!
I’m KILLING myself to make ends meet, working 80+ hours a week, while he’s working 14 and still has a bad attitude when I get home like he’s so stressed and tired. When I ask him if he’s ok he just says “Work is just stressful. And it was hot on the golf course today”. Oh I’m sorry your 2 hours of work were so exhausting, meanwhile I’m cooking dinner after working 13 hours.
He also says I need to get a hobby, since I get annoyed with him playing golf everyday. I explained if I had a hobby after work, I wouldn’t get home until after 8:00-8:30, the kids go to bed at 9:00. When would I have any family time?!
I have so much built up resentment over this. If I came home from work and maybe he had dinner cooked or at least was in a good mood, I’d probably feel better, but I dont want to hear how tough his day was when he sleeps until 10:00 am and makes tee time for 1:30. What do I do?! Obviously I’ve tried talking to him but he gets super defensive.