Resentment – I work a lot more than fiance

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 77
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Ah well, I was just making a conjecture for sure. I was confused because on one hand you were telling a story about a lazy, critical man but on the other you were saying you wanted to stay with him and you were fine with doing more chores soo.. I mean you did say that cleaning was not the issue so I was trying to figure out what it could be lol.

 

Seems like you had a breakthrough now though.

 

Sorry your man turned out to be a chode.

Post # 78
Member
14965 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I mean, if he wants to take it back to the 50’s where the woman role was to do all the shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc…. he conveniently forgot that the mans role was to go off to work and provide *100%* for the family financially huh?  What a dick….

Post # 79
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Oh my god. What an ass!! I agree, if he wants you to be the full-time stay-at-home wife/mother, then HE gets to pay all the bills and work all the overtime. No more golf for him I guess!! Fair’s fair!

Did he take his child with him to his mother’s? From the sound of it, you’ve still got puppy duty, at least 2 kids to look after, all the cooking/cleaning/providing/getting ready duties, and most likely work tomorrow. He gets to go stay with dear mommy, work 3 hours and then spend the rest of his time playing, I’m guessing!

I am sorry that you’re going through this. You sound like Wonder Woman, and he’s… well, he’s no Superman! Keep us updated for sure, we are here for you.

Post # 80
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

What happens if you come down with cancer tomorrow?  It does happen, bet he would walk out on you.  Sounds like he has an amazing life and he still treats you like shit.  I just can’t imagine how he would be “for better or worse” in the worse parts of life.  Please leave him.

Post # 82
Member
2384 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Gross. What a jerk. I’m sorry, but I’m glad he’s made himself abundantly clear. 

I will point out, shit like this is why we DO need feminism. And if those statements he made offend you, it’s probably because you ARE a feminist. (Definition: someone who believes that men and women should have equal rights.) So own it. 

Hang in there mama! You got this. 

Post # 83
Member
6231 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

lkk386 :  maybe you should revisit being a feminist – you could find a partner who appreciated “traditional” roles and also not waste another two years of your life being an unappreciated servant for a jackass. Maybe don’t be so proud to disavow that title. A lot of women who have become feminists have done so because of fucked up bullshit homelife situations like the one you currently find yourself navigating.

That puppy shit story is a trip because I was reading this thread thinking “This ‘man’ ain’t shit.” And then he showed how ain’t shit he is with a literal shitty incident.

I’m sorry you’re in this crap situation and I hope you dump his ass and make it stick. You could find another single mom to move in and help with bills and home maintenance. Someone who would be a valuable contribition to your home.

To clarify- YOU are working 80+ hours a week so that this motherfucker can sit his ass on YOUR couch and enjoy YOUR house and do fuckall for the privilege. Pssssssh. You deserve better. He may be better than your ex but he’s still terrible.

Post # 84
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

lkk386 :  OP, I’m saying this calmly. You’re not a feminist–but the foundation of feminism is only this: equal rights, etc. for men and women. (And I’m not sure why you’d be against having equal rights with men, so I’m not sure what’s so bad about being a feminist…)

So it feels like one of the major problems in your relationship is that you don’t feel like the work is EQUAL. Then I guess that means you want more equality in your relationship. Which I guess means… you want what feminism wants. 

Post # 85
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Oh, poor you, OP, he sounds awful! I can’t believe he said what he said. How vile. Has he left for his mum’s yet? Have you explained to your kids that his behaviour in unacceptable and that is why he is leaving? Strength to you!

PS Feminism also respects tradtional gender roles IF that is the path chosen by the couple. It just respects (and creates) opportunities for people to choose differently amd ensures that both partners in the coupleship can weigh in equally on the decision. So that’s no reason not be a feminist! 🙂 anyway, I hope his views of lowly, shitty women’s jobs have not yet poisoned your son’s view of women too much! Wishing you all the best!

Post # 86
Member
17 posts
Newbee

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been so upset by a thread on this website. I feel physical rage.

This guy is a FUCKING. ASSHOLE. 

I am speechless! 

He’s SO sexist! SO selfish! SO uncaring about you and your children! He does not give a SHIT about you! I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE ACCEPTING THIS!

GET OUT OF THERE!!!!! 

Post # 87
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

1- You chose him, so unchoose him if you’re serious.

2- Unless he gave you the engagement ring as a birthday/Christmas/ anniversary present, it may not be your property to sell. Please check with your local laws. If the ring is expensive, you may be on the hook for the money, even if you sell it for less. Don’t assume he’ll let his money go.

3- He didn’t become a sexist overnight.

4- Your kids are your kids. Your bills are your bills. Your puppy is your puppy. I know you assumed that a life lived together would involve redistribution of resources and effort, but nothing in your description of what this guy actually does or says implies that he was ever on board with that. The next time you fall in love (and definitely before you move yourself and your children in) with a man, please figure out what the guy actually believes. 

Post # 88
Member
5720 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Now, I’m not a feminist by any means.  

I mean… that’s your problem right there.  You claim you aren’t a feminist by any means and you picked a guy who is a sexist prick, and now you’re upset by it.  Turns out you are a feminist. 

Advice for next time:

Stop thinking feminism is a dirty word.

Do not move in with someone after only 6 months.

Do not even introduce your kids to a guy until around 6 months.

Do not commit to someone either by engagement or moving in together without having spoken about finances and how raising a blended family is going to work. 

I don’t want to rub it in but it seems like you need a dose of reality, frankly play stupid games win stupid prizes.  How do you get to 1.5 years living with someone and only now find out they think cooking and grocery shopping etc is a woman’s job? Answer: You don’t! It has been there all along you have just refused to see it.  Why else did you think he wasn’t bothering to do anything and leaving it all to you?  You didn’t get to know this guy before moving in, you haven’t got to know him now because you’re too busy running around looking after the house, kids, and working. 

Post # 89
Member
991 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

Image result for not surprised puppy

Post # 90
Member
991 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

zzar45 :  PREACH PREACH PREACH PREACH PREACH

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