(Closed) Resentment that led to overall no more future?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - NYC

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polkadots12:  Are you certain he has the ring??? I do know of guys who have had the ring for months, but for over a year and being wishy-washy seems bizarre to me. 

Post # 4
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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polkadots12:  Have you talked to him about it? I don’t know why a proposal needs to be pushed off so many times for any reason. I mean, you know he has the ring. If you really want to get married I’d be frank with him and say “Just propose to me right now!”. Is he waiting so he can make this big elaborate proposal? I’m just not understanding why he’s telling you when he plans to propose.. then doesn’t for whatever reason… then tells you his next planned time. Like…. just give me the damn ring and get this ball rolling!

Tell him how you feel. Ask him if this is still what he really wants and why he keeps pushing it off. Tell him you everything you want and make it clear that you want it soon or you’ll have to consider moving on. If he has the ring, the assumption is he wants those things too so there’s no reason to continue dragging his feet unless there’s more going on under the surface.

Post # 6
Member
2162 posts
Buzzing bee

My ex purchased two rings for me and never proposed.  The first ring eventually “wasn’t good enough” leading him to purchase a second ring …  I’m very thankful I did not marry him for a variety of reasons but among them is that he didn’t actually want to marry me. 

Something is going on here and I’m not sure fixing it is really the right issue, the right issue is communicating about the real reason he is not asking you to marry him. 

Post # 8
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I personally don’t believing in ‘setting a deadline’ for proposal.  Personally it took over 6 years for Fiance to propose.  We never talked about rings, I had no clue he was looking for one, etc.  But once I stopped asking about it is when it happened.  Honestly though if the lack of proposal is causing this much of a strain on your relationship maybe it is time to re-analyze the relationship in general and stop looking towards marriage.  Marriage is hard, engagment shouldn’t be.

Post # 9
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I don’t understand why a guy would buy a ring and keep it FOR A YEAR without proposing. If he is serious enough about the two of you to buy a ring then what’s the hold up?

You need to have a serious conversation with him and ask him some tough questions. If he isn’t planning on proposing and is just stringing you along, you need to know and you need to cut your losses. If I was in your shoes I would ask him for a clear timeline and if he doesn’t follow through by the date you mutually agreed upon, I would walk.

Post # 10
Member
288 posts
Helper bee

So wait, he said he’s not sure about you but wants to propose by September?

I agree with the pp, you need to have a “come to Jesus” talk and lay your carda on the table. If by September there is no proposal (again after he said 3 other times) you should walk. He is playing games and stringing you along.

Post # 11
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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polkadots12:  I feel for you. Don’t worry you aren’t the only one feeling resentful. I’m incredibly irritated that my SO hasn’t proposed when we picked out the ring months ago and have been together for 2 years! Like hello? Who has time to wait? Lol

Hang in there!!!

Post # 12
Member
5783 posts
Bee Keeper

A guy is entitled to his own timeline too- but he keeps changing his! And he says he’s ‘not sure’ about the two of you? I would have asked him flat out, right at that moment, what on earth that meant?! The lack of communication is worrying- if you have this much trouble talking to each other now, how will you be able to deal with all the ups and downs of life and marriage together?

Sweetie- do you want a marriage, a house and kids so badly that you’re trying to stick it out with whoever you’re with or do you really and truly specifically want HIM in the role of husband and father? Because maybe I’m off base here, but it’s coming across as pretty lukewarm and tepid between you, on your part as well as his. Is he a great guy? Do you have lots of fun together, support and encourage each other? Are you still in love with him? If you definitely want THIS relationship then you really need to have a serious talk with him and find out what’s going on, and work on communicating together…..but if this is someone you’ve just grown comfortable with and are settling for, I think you might have to ask yourself some serious questions.

Post # 13
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well I’ve said it before but I think it’s ridiculous to buy a ring and sit on it for months – or years in this case. It’s cruel and of course it causes resentment and insecurity. A proposal doesn’t have to be youtube worthy to be good. Waiting indefinitely for some surprise proposal? Please. I’d be kind of disgusted and I’d feel jerked around.

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