Post # 1
Figured this would be a good place to just vent and get some opinions.
Did anyone’s resentment of waiting and promises of it occuring (and never happeneing while the ring is there) just push you over the limit and overall stop trusting your significant other?
I know mine has the ring, has for about a year. First he promised to propose in November, but something came up. Than it was Jan. didnt happen. Then April.. then June. The resentment from that just made me feel like I couldnt trust him. What happened next was that he backed out of a family vacation because he wasnt sure if he would propose before hand (which was news to me, i had given up at that point)
I know theres communication issues, and im trying to work on them. But it just feels hopeless. It sucks, and I saw a future, famly and kids and a house, but now im just, angry and sad. Is there a way to fix it?
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2016 - NYC
Are you certain he has the ring??? I do know of guys who have had the ring for months, but for over a year and being wishy-washy seems bizarre to me.
Post # 4
Have you talked to him about it? I don’t know why a proposal needs to be pushed off so many times for any reason. I mean, you know he has the ring. If you really want to get married I’d be frank with him and say “Just propose to me right now!”. Is he waiting so he can make this big elaborate proposal? I’m just not understanding why he’s telling you when he plans to propose.. then doesn’t for whatever reason… then tells you his next planned time. Like…. just give me the damn ring and get this ball rolling!
Tell him how you feel. Ask him if this is still what he really wants and why he keeps pushing it off. Tell him you everything you want and make it clear that you want it soon or you’ll have to consider moving on. If he has the ring, the assumption is he wants those things too so there’s no reason to continue dragging his feet unless there’s more going on under the surface.
Post # 5
he mentioned that he wants it to be a complete surprise, and i hate surprises but fine, whatver. do what you want. he wants more imput, but when i give him more stuf to do, its stuff he doesnt want. you cant pick and choose where you put effort in.
i just feel hurt and im not sure how to trust him anymore. we were supposed to go on a vacation, but he said hes not sure about us. but that hell propose by september. uh, what?
he was also suposed to tell me by a date about the trip, but his job found out before I did. shouldnt i be the priority?
Post # 6
My ex purchased two rings for me and never proposed. The first ring eventually “wasn’t good enough” leading him to purchase a second ring … I’m very thankful I did not marry him for a variety of reasons but among them is that he didn’t actually want to marry me.
Something is going on here and I’m not sure fixing it is really the right issue, the right issue is communicating about the real reason he is not asking you to marry him.
Post # 7
A close family member even asked him if he wanted to marry me, and he said yes.
I dont see whats going on, im just like dude, seriously
Post # 8
I personally don’t believing in ‘setting a deadline’ for proposal. Personally it took over 6 years for Fiance to propose. We never talked about rings, I had no clue he was looking for one, etc. But once I stopped asking about it is when it happened. Honestly though if the lack of proposal is causing this much of a strain on your relationship maybe it is time to re-analyze the relationship in general and stop looking towards marriage. Marriage is hard, engagment shouldn’t be.
Post # 9
I don’t understand why a guy would buy a ring and keep it FOR A YEAR without proposing. If he is serious enough about the two of you to buy a ring then what’s the hold up?
You need to have a serious conversation with him and ask him some tough questions. If he isn’t planning on proposing and is just stringing you along, you need to know and you need to cut your losses. If I was in your shoes I would ask him for a clear timeline and if he doesn’t follow through by the date you mutually agreed upon, I would walk.
Post # 10
So wait, he said he’s not sure about you but wants to propose by September?
I agree with the pp, you need to have a “come to Jesus” talk and lay your carda on the table. If by September there is no proposal (again after he said 3 other times) you should walk. He is playing games and stringing you along.
Post # 11
I feel for you. Don’t worry you aren’t the only one feeling resentful. I’m incredibly irritated that my SO hasn’t proposed when we picked out the ring months ago and have been together for 2 years! Like hello? Who has time to wait? Lol
Hang in there!!!
Post # 12
A guy is entitled to his own timeline too- but he keeps changing his! And he says he’s ‘not sure’ about the two of you? I would have asked him flat out, right at that moment, what on earth that meant?! The lack of communication is worrying- if you have this much trouble talking to each other now, how will you be able to deal with all the ups and downs of life and marriage together?
Sweetie- do you want a marriage, a house and kids so badly that you’re trying to stick it out with whoever you’re with or do you really and truly specifically want HIM in the role of husband and father? Because maybe I’m off base here, but it’s coming across as pretty lukewarm and tepid between you, on your part as well as his. Is he a great guy? Do you have lots of fun together, support and encourage each other? Are you still in love with him? If you definitely want THIS relationship then you really need to have a serious talk with him and find out what’s going on, and work on communicating together…..but if this is someone you’ve just grown comfortable with and are settling for, I think you might have to ask yourself some serious questions.
Post # 13
Well I’ve said it before but I think it’s ridiculous to buy a ring and sit on it for months – or years in this case. It’s cruel and of course it causes resentment and insecurity. A proposal doesn’t have to be youtube worthy to be good. Waiting indefinitely for some surprise proposal? Please. I’d be kind of disgusted and I’d feel jerked around.
Post # 14
We did have a conversation that it will happen before September at the latest, but I also told him I have my own deadline, and hopefully I can walk it if it gets met.
Post # 15
I just have been frustrated, again.
His friends got engaged, and theyve been together less than a year. He’s been talking about proposing for 2.5 years, and has had the ring for months.
It is so hard for me to not get mad about anything else and blame him, knowing that he is doing this. UGH. That should have been us. i dont need emails about their wedding…