(Closed) Resentment = too late?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
10 posts
Newbee

Hi, I feel the same way as the original poster. I’ve been dating my bf for 5 years. It will be 6 years next month. He refers to me as his wife, he calls my mom “mom”, he acts like he is already married to me. I remind him that i am not married to him and i call him my boyfriend, cause he is my boyfriend. He gets a bit mad when I corrected someome that accidently called him my husband. We do not cohabitate. I don’t believe in pretending. I am not being judgy of those that do, but for me, I want to save those things for my husband… whether that is him or not.

 

Recently, my sister announced to the family that she will get married to her bf of three years at a courthouse. They are rushing for citizenship reasons. Regardless, I want to feel completely overjoyed for her… unfortunately, I feel sad. I know it’s not a race. I never cared if my frends got married before me… even if they dated for a shorter time than my SO. But for some reason, my sister’s sutustion is hitting me hard. 

 

I feel i would be in a much better place if i was engaged. I don’t need to be married but i would be embracing of my sister’s situation. I am supportive (i will do the photography for jer multiple celebrations) but i just feel the engagement itch now and i feel resentful that my guy did not do it before they announced it.

 

I know I should just suck it up… but i can’t help but feel angry inside. I can’t tell him tho because he told me ultimatums are not good for marriages. If there is a rule of no ultimatums, then I feel the only other option is to walk. 

 

I would be heart broken and i don’t want to make a mistake but i am feeling resentful and if he asked… it is forever tainted. He had one job…. propose earlier. I know we have been emotionally ready since year 3 or 4… i am not a pushy person so i never wanted to pressure him. I have not pressured him at all.. i’ve been bottling it up in my head and i go on runs and sometimes just cry that he has not done it yet. I feel i deserve someone that would not make me wait this long.

 

He says he is going no where. He is here for me forever. He says he wants to be very very very very very wealthy before getting married. He wants to live a certain lifestyle. He wants to pay for his parent’s retirement. He wants to have enough medical $ for both my parents and his. I love his goals and his big plans and i want to be a part of it… but my heart still feels sad… that maybe…….. those are all just excuses. 

 

I feel like running. I am the running type. I really feel like running. I just wish it happened earlier cause this is now making me over think and i jusf feel like running but i know if i run, it will be the biggest mistake in my life. 

Post # 17
Member
201 posts
Helper bee

whatdoidonow123 :  this is hard. I think you need to yalk to him about it, and express to him how hard this whole scenario is on you. Becoming exorbitantly wealyhy is not reality for most peoples, so pinning your hopes on “we’ll get married when we’re very wealthy” is probably just a stalling technique. 

Tell him how you’re feeling, and that you’d like to see movement forwards in your relationship. Make yourself a walk date and stick to it. 

Post # 18
Member
10 posts
Newbee

Thanks charlie057 :  I discussed exactly how I felt. He says he wants to make it very very clear regarding his intentions… That he fully intends on getting engaged. We run a business together so that also complicates things. I get where he is coming from about accumulating enough to have a certain wedding and life style.

 

Time will tell…

Post # 19
Hostess
7525 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2019

Closing this zombie thread. 

The topic ‘Resentment = too late?’ is closed to new replies.

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