(Closed) Resentment & unresolved anger

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would try to limit the amount of time you spend with DH’s family.  It sounds like they are toxic and are bringing you down.  It also sounds like your really homesick =(

How long have you been in England?  Maybe see if you have any friends and family that could come visit you? I am sure they are missing you as much as you are missing them!  If thats not a possibility I would start planning for the next time you can go home and visit, just knowing you will get to see your loved ones in a few months can help.

Post # 5
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

=(  Have you made any friends there??  Are you currently working or just at home?  It might help to try and get out there and make new friends.  I know thats easier said than done =/

Post # 6
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

If every place were the same, there would be no reason to go anywhere, would there? 

First off, I am really sorry to hear how hard the relocation has been for you, in addition to a less than ideal in-law situation, thats got to be soooo hard!  But the good news is that your Darling Husband and you are in love, and he’s wonderful!  Lock that away in your pocket and hang onto it, some people never find it, all their lives!

The awesome thing is that you recognize all of the stuff going on inside of you, some people never get that far and just start lashing out, so your ahead of the curve there too!  BONUS!

As a wanderer of this Earth, I have had the misfortune of landing in a place or two that felt just too strange, too foreign, too uncomfortable, but I am a stubborn sort, and in my journies, I strive to find one thing to love about every place…there’s got to be something amazing about London, that you would miss if you could just erase all of this and move back….if you can find that ONE thing….you’ll find it’s just a tiny thread on an amazing tapestry that you walk by every day without really noticing….and that there’s a lot of things to love there, if you can keep “home” as a special place, that isn’t to terribly far away, and always in your heart, you’ll find some room to make a new home….

 

Post # 7
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Is it possible you have a severe case of seasonal affective disorder because of the crappy weather? I honestly think you should think about seeing a counselor or psycologist, they can be really helpful!

Post # 10
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I was depressed when I just moved to another state away from my family! Working again has given me my sense of purpose back. (I’m a teacher.) I feel like I contribute now and I just don’t have the time or energy to focus on what I gave up when I moved. (I sold my house I loved too.) Working with kids again really saved me and gave me myself back! Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Destinationwedding101:  Happiness hides in the darndest of places!  I’ve been through some dark days myself…and I don’t know if it works for everyone or just me, but when my inside feels no so pretty, I take some time to gussy up my outside…like it might soak in!  And I walk outside, looking fabulous, and after a while I start to feel better, and before I know it, I feel like my old silly self again…it seems trivial, but in a world rotten with so many problems, you just gotta take a minute and get back to basics, good manners and great hair!

Post # 12
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yeah, I’ve been there. When you find yourself getting worked up, try to focus on the things you love about your Darling Husband. Focus on the fact that at least he has you, it sounds like you are an amazing addition to his life. Don’t lose the compassion you have from your roots – quitely accept his family for what they are, and limit your time with them. 

I’ve lived in 5 different states, and that always took a year to really adjust. When you move countries, it takes longer. Give yourself some slack while you try to find what makes you happy. 

Out of curiosity, would your Darling Husband agree to moving abroad with you? 

Post # 13
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m a French/Australian who has lived in the UK (on and off) for over 30 years.

I still hate the terrible unreliable weather.  The British are incredibly hard to become friendly with…alot of times invites are only extended out of courtesy…and never followed up, because they were never really ‘meant’  I can count my British friends on less than 2 hands.

House prices are ridiculous for what you get…but it’s a tiny island with a large population.  The British are also (IMHO) overly obsessed with owing their own property.  I’ve made it clear to my Fiance that I would NEVER buy in this country!

After 30 years I still get homesick…and I’m lucky if I get home once every decade.  I’m not a family person (and FI’s parents don’t like me) so I’ve spent the 3 Christmasses me and Fiance have been together totally on my own. 

It’s all bloody hard, I know.  I think starting your own business should help alot. 

 

Post # 14
Member
4136 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

@Baal:  We are definitely keen on home-ownership because it’s considered one of the best forms of investment for us as the UK housing market is generally quite strong.  (Although at the moment it’s ropey because of the recession). I don’t think the Brits are especially non-friendly (not even a word – sorry) I think it’s a culture thing.  I’ve just moved from the UK and I’m finding it hard to make friends too, people are used to different things.

OP: I take the view that if you’re really unhappy, like you seem, then you should consider having a frank discussion about moving back home.  I don’t know, but it seems like you’ve made an effort, put everything in place you can, but it’s just not right for you.  That’s okay!  Would he consider a move?  Also, having a job really helps, and helps to make friends too.  I went insane after only weeks of no work!

Post # 15
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Have you thought about finding an expat group? Maybe there are others from your home country who are feeling the same way?

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