We are having our wedding at a hotel, and a lot of things are included in the package, like having the ceremony there and the cake. My fiance thinks that that means we don’t have to do anything. And everytime I ask him about favors or boutonierres, he says “the reason we are doing it at a hotel is so we don’t have to worry”, as if they are going to do everything, as if they are going to get his friends from grad school’s addresses, as if they are going to figure out the music to play. I didn’t even want to have a wedding, I wanted to just go to a chapel in the mountains and then take a honeymoon in New England and go to Maine or something, and he really wanted a wedding. Not only that he really wanted the nicest place in our city, and then is really mad when my parents don’t want to help pay at all.
So he wanted a wedding, a nice wedding, and gets mad when I talk about it. So it is in June 2011, and I feel I have quite a bit of it booked and figured out, but quite a bit more to do, and last night he said “no talking about the wedding until January” and I was sort of like “if you don’t want me to be stressed out book the officiant and the ceremony music like I asked you to do in August!”. So doesn’t do what I tell him to do, doesn’t want me to be stressed out, actually said we could figure out an ipod playlist to play THE DAY OF……… THE DAY OF? Which again I didn’t even want this, but if we are going to have it I want it to be personal, and interesting, and fun, and sincere and heartfelt. So basically we now have a guest list of 155, @$87 a person for just the reception, my parents saying they won’t pay, his parents saying they will pay for half, and him saying I spend too much time making things/talking about the wedding. Not to mention if he just had an opinion I wouldn’t have to keep trying to figure it out. Not to mention if we actually had a budget I wouldn’t have to make everything and have it take all my time.
It’s stupid that my parents are going to spend Christmas visiting my sister in Ecuador and are paying for the whole family (except me, I’m going to his family’s) to go, but don’t have money for my wedding at all, but I knew they wouldn’t help me. They didn’t pay for grad school or undergrad for me, but they did for my sisters. But he wanted an expensive wedding and then is mad they won’t pay… This is crazy! It becomes my job and its really like a community coming together. Its not like me laying on the beach in Aruba or buying new clothes or something I want…
Whatever, maybe it will be totally fabulous and I will be happy we got into this
At this point though, it doesn’t seem fair he doesn’t help, gets mad when I talk about it, and was the one who wanted a wedding in the first place as opposed to getting eloped. So basically I am not supposed to care. Its funny how much of planning a wedding feels like PR, and how if you don’t make it creative/interesting/fun/heartfelt/ somehow it would reflect badly on you as a couple or something.
Anyways there isn’t so much left to do really, it’s more like decisions to be made that he doesn’t have an opinion about and gets mad for me repeatedly asking, but why should I have to figure out boutonierres. I did eventually, we are doing brooch bouquets for the bridesmaids and that was hard and in the store when I figured it out and bought some vintage brooches that look very masculine he rolled his eyes at the end cost, but god forbid he help or help me come up with ideas. Its confusing you are picking out a million things separetely and they are supposed to all go together. Oh well, it better be fabulous is all I have to say.
Not to mention he has wanted to go to France for the honeymoon for long before we were even engaged and he won’t talk about that either. Then let’s do something simpler! Its all supposed to plan itself and I am awful for caring. Also if we are paying for half the wedding who knows where we are getting that money, but he’s been obsessed with it for years.
I wonder if the root of this if guys do everything last minute, but many women (and in school too) will just worry until it is done. I would rather have things done in advance and not worry.