Post # 17
Ladies! Thank you all so much for the support. I havent’ checked back here in a couple of days, and it is so nice to hear that so many others are having similar issues. We are not alone! 🙂 In the past few days, I’ve just been bugging him about his list like crazy…and it is working! He realizes that the ADHD has been affecting his productivity and (thankfully) doesn’t get annoyed or offended when I have to constantly remind him.
Evorce–I am so sorry, that must all be so stressful. Who knew a wedding could bring up so many horrible issues? I can sympathize, though. I can’t tell you how many times I have seriously considered calling if all off and having a MUCH simpler affair.
Lefeymw– It is ADHD. And we’re so torn because he has medication for it, but it seriously affects his personality so much! He is just so dull when he’s on it. So honestly, it’s like I would rather learn how to help him out and deal with the disorder than actually have him on meds!
Post # 18
It happens. Just try to be patient.
I must say I was annoyed with Fiance for putting off things he had agreed to do. Then we spent a week wedding planning in Delaware (we live in Florida), and he got pretty much all his stuff done that week instead of stretching the work (and stress) out over months as I had. He’s much smarter!
On the ADHD, I dated someone with it for 5 years on and off. I remember a book, A.D.D. & Romance, being helpful for understanding where he was coming from.
Post # 19
I think giving him specific tasks with deadlines would probably be a good way to get things done. I’m a procrastinator by nature, and unless I have a specific deadline, things just don’t get done. So maybe instead of telling him to this and that, tell him to do this and that by this date, so he can procrastinate all he wants and then get it all done at once becuase he’s under the gun with you and timing.
Post # 20
Completely normal! My Fiance offered to collect addresses for me for our STDs since it was something he felt he could contribute at this point in the process. Apparently that meant only for the non-mutual friends (the friends that are his and not mine), but the majority of our friends ARE mutual, so this list included like 6 people.. haha. He’s such a procrastinator, too, so I told him “Okay I’ll contact all the girls and you contact the guys.” with regard to mutual friends so it was less work for him. I’ve gotten all the girls addresses, has he gotten any of the others guys’ addresses? Negative. The other night I asked him “Hey next time you talk to your mom can you ask her to make me a list of all the family and family friends they want to invite and their addresses?” He goes “Okay.. yeah. Or you could just ask her for it.” (I talk to his mom on a fairly regular basis, probably call once every few weeks)…. he quickly realized that was not the best response & changed his tune to say he’d do it.. (And actually did!).
I think guys just don’t really get why we think all this stuff is important, and why we need things done by a certain time in advance of the wedding.. and don’t realize how time consuming everything is, so they don’t really understand why we need these things NOW and why we get frustrated when they procrastinate the small tasks we ask of them!
Post # 21
I had to smile because I went through this with Fi about a month ago. #1 I am picky AND a control freak (nightmare combo for wedding planning!) We are having a reverse destination wedding of sorts because we live on Maui but 80% of our guests will be coming from the mainland. This meant “typical” wedding deadline schedules were bumped up by a month or two I had to nag about similar things (addresses for STD, figure out a rough guest count, etc). It was frustrating because our final $ amount was dependent on us making decisions. I was ON TOP of my family/friends to hurry up and book hotel/condos…he ignored my warnings that affordable places get booked fast. I was researching options for his buddies, but was getting NOWHERE with Fiance. He couldn’t tell me hotel vs. condo, how many rooms/beds, what dates…etc etc etc. so I stopped researching and stopped nagging. Three weeks later, he asked if I found accomodations for his friends. I smiled and said “No dear, you never told me how many rooms and what dates, and I kinda needed that info to help you.” His response : “oh yeah.” I told him it was his responsibility now, since I had moved on to other planning aspects…and it took him FOREVER to find a place for everyone. He went through the nightmare of calling places, finding out they had no vacancies, and endless searching for something reasonable. It was awesome. He learned his lesson (that I don’t nag to be a pain in the ass, but rather to make things go smoothly) and now is Mr. Johnny On The Spot any time I ask him to do something wedding planning related 🙂
Post # 22
Mine has started thanking me all the time for work I have done on the wedding. I started to remember how when we moved into our house and I designed the whole thing, that I am probably just more talented at making things go together visually.
I guess I just didn’t like when he thought I was too worried about the wedding and wasn’t helping to make it easier… If I am doing it all myself, I am going to be worried, but I would give it all over to him if he wanted to do it.
I will say him telling me he appreciates all the time I’ve put into it makes me feel a lot better.
Post # 23
@JamieAnnette: Maybe when it turns out totally fabulous it will all be worth it….