(Closed) Resentment??!!?

posted 11 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 18
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

It happens. Just try to be patient.

I must say I was annoyed with Fiance for putting off things he had agreed to do. Then we spent a week wedding planning in Delaware (we live in Florida), and he got pretty much all his stuff done that week instead of stretching the work (and stress) out over months as I had. He’s much smarter!

On the ADHD, I dated someone with it for 5 years on and off. I remember a book, A.D.D. & Romance, being helpful for understanding where he was coming from.

Post # 19
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think giving him specific tasks with deadlines would probably be a good way to get things done. I’m a procrastinator by nature, and unless I have a specific deadline, things just don’t get done.  So maybe instead of telling him to this and that, tell him to do this and that by this date, so he can procrastinate all he wants and then get it all done at once becuase he’s under the gun with you and timing.

Post # 20
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Completely normal! My Fiance offered to collect addresses for me for our STDs since it was something he felt he could contribute at this point in the process.  Apparently that meant only for the non-mutual friends (the friends that are his and not mine), but the majority of our friends ARE mutual, so this list included like 6 people.. haha.  He’s such a procrastinator, too, so I told him “Okay I’ll contact all the girls and you contact the guys.” with regard to mutual friends so it was less work for him.  I’ve gotten all the girls addresses, has he gotten any of the others guys’ addresses? Negative.  The other night I asked him “Hey next time you talk to your mom can you ask her to make me a list of all the family and family friends they want to invite and their addresses?” He goes “Okay.. yeah.  Or you could just ask her for it.” (I talk to his mom on a fairly regular basis, probably call once every few weeks)…. he quickly realized that was not the best response & changed his tune to say he’d do it.. (And actually did!).

I think guys just don’t really get why we think all this stuff is important, and why we need things done by a certain time in advance of the wedding.. and don’t realize how time consuming everything is, so they don’t really understand why we need these things NOW and why we get frustrated when they procrastinate the small tasks we ask of them!

Post # 21
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I had to smile because I went through this with Fi about a month ago. #1 I am picky AND a control freak (nightmare combo for wedding planning!) We are having a reverse destination wedding of sorts because we live on Maui but 80% of our guests will be coming from the mainland. This meant “typical” wedding deadline schedules were bumped up by a month or two I had to nag about similar things (addresses for STD, figure out a rough guest count, etc). It was frustrating because our final $ amount was dependent on us making decisions. I was ON TOP of my family/friends to hurry up and book hotel/condos…he ignored my warnings that affordable places get booked fast.  I was researching options for his buddies, but was getting NOWHERE with Fiance.  He couldn’t tell me hotel vs. condo, how many rooms/beds, what dates…etc etc etc.  so I stopped researching and stopped nagging. Three weeks later, he asked if I found accomodations for his friends. I smiled and said “No dear, you never told me how many rooms and what dates, and I kinda needed that info to help you.” His response : “oh yeah.” I told him it was his responsibility now, since I had moved on to other planning aspects…and it took him FOREVER to find a place for everyone. He went through the nightmare of calling places, finding out they had no vacancies, and endless searching for something reasonable. It was awesome.  He learned his lesson (that I don’t nag to be a pain in the ass, but rather to make things go smoothly) and now is Mr. Johnny On The Spot any time I ask him to do something wedding planning related 🙂

Post # 22
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Mine has started thanking me all the time for work I have done on the wedding. I started to remember how when we moved into our house and I designed the whole thing, that I am probably just more talented at making things go together visually.

I guess I just didn’t like when he thought I was too worried about the wedding and wasn’t helping to make it easier… If I am doing it all myself, I am going to be worried, but I would give it all over to him if he wanted to do it.

I will say him telling me he appreciates all the time I’ve put into it makes me feel a lot better.

 

Post # 23
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@JamieAnnette: Maybe when it turns out totally fabulous it will all be worth it….

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