(Closed) Reserves List

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

I think they are poor form. If your space/budget/family size prohibit you from inviting me that is ok. If someone pulls out you don’t have to fill it.

I would rather not be invited. To me its not really much of honour or privilege to be invited. It means a social obligation, time away from home, where there are pre-events, I have to get a gift, etc. If someone considers me A list I will put on my party clothes and dance until sunrise. But if you don’t care all that much if I come, if you could want me there but not more then your XX number of other loved ones, then I won’t be missed if I decline.

I get that others love being invited at all costs, but I’d rather be A list or not at all.

Post # 4
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I wouldn’t be offended.  I would actually be flattered to receive an invitation to a celebration event where all of the other guests were either family for very important, close friends to the bride and groom.  It would mean that the bride and groom wanted to share their special day with me, and that space for guests at their event was a commodity worth considering.  

When I started planning my wedding, it was nearly a year ago.  At the time, I was in a different place in my social life, so between the time our Save the Dates were mailed out and now, I’ve met and developed friendships with new people, some of which I would LOVE to have at my wedding, but due to whatever constraints that would inhibit me from doing so, I cannot invite them.  For example, I have a head count limit imposed by my reception venue, and I have a budget limit to consider as well, especially with the going rate of $80/pp.  Even if my budget was unlimited, I still have the space availability to consider.  Even if my space available was unlimited, I still have a budget to consider.

I had a good relationship with a woman my father has dated for the past 3 years.  As much as I appreciate her as a friend, her behavior since the break up has resulted in her invitation actually being rescinded.  I guess what I’m getting at is that there are many things to consider as far as your guest list goes, and no matter what you decide, someone is going to consider it “rude” or “inappropriate”.  In the end, it’s YOUR discretion that matters.  My choice was governed by the fact that on 4 occasions, my dad’s ex girlfriend has instigated drama between my family and friends because of a failed relationship.  I don’t want a minute RISK of that happening at my wedding, nor do I want my guests to remember my wedding for some petty scat that occurred.

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