Post # 1
We are currently doing our invite list for Our Surprise Wedding(OSW) and there are a few people that we would like to invite but because of number can’t. For them I have created a ‘Reserves List’. So if someone RSVP’s Yes and then pulls out, they would then be invited. I know some people would find this really offensive but I have been a reserve guest. My friend and much loved beautician(I have been going to her for 12 years at the time) got married a few years ago and I was invited to the engagement party and hens night but not the wedding, I was totally cool with this because I understood there were more ‘important’ people that needed to be there but she knew my mom and I would be coming to watch the ceremony. A week or so before the wedding she rang and said someone had pulled out at the last minute and they it would mean so much if I would come. Of course I said yes, she posted an invite to me and I went and had a BLAST!
However some people have told her it was really rude of her and have actually done this in front of me. From my point of view, I wasn’t upset I wasn’t invited and I totally understood why but being a reserve meant I DID get to go and share the day with her.
Do you think reserve lists are tacky or rude? Have you been a reserver like me? Is it a total etiquette no-no?
Post # 3
I think they are poor form. If your space/budget/family size prohibit you from inviting me that is ok. If someone pulls out you don’t have to fill it.
I would rather not be invited. To me its not really much of honour or privilege to be invited. It means a social obligation, time away from home, where there are pre-events, I have to get a gift, etc. If someone considers me A list I will put on my party clothes and dance until sunrise. But if you don’t care all that much if I come, if you could want me there but not more then your XX number of other loved ones, then I won’t be missed if I decline.
I get that others love being invited at all costs, but I’d rather be A list or not at all.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t be offended. I would actually be flattered to receive an invitation to a celebration event where all of the other guests were either family for very important, close friends to the bride and groom. It would mean that the bride and groom wanted to share their special day with me, and that space for guests at their event was a commodity worth considering.
When I started planning my wedding, it was nearly a year ago. At the time, I was in a different place in my social life, so between the time our Save the Dates were mailed out and now, I’ve met and developed friendships with new people, some of which I would LOVE to have at my wedding, but due to whatever constraints that would inhibit me from doing so, I cannot invite them. For example, I have a head count limit imposed by my reception venue, and I have a budget limit to consider as well, especially with the going rate of $80/pp. Even if my budget was unlimited, I still have the space availability to consider. Even if my space available was unlimited, I still have a budget to consider.
I had a good relationship with a woman my father has dated for the past 3 years. As much as I appreciate her as a friend, her behavior since the break up has resulted in her invitation actually being rescinded. I guess what I’m getting at is that there are many things to consider as far as your guest list goes, and no matter what you decide, someone is going to consider it “rude” or “inappropriate”. In the end, it’s YOUR discretion that matters. My choice was governed by the fact that on 4 occasions, my dad’s ex girlfriend has instigated drama between my family and friends because of a failed relationship. I don’t want a minute RISK of that happening at my wedding, nor do I want my guests to remember my wedding for some petty scat that occurred.