Post # 1
Well, my boyfriend and I have had some wonderful past couple of days. Laughing, fun, going out together. I can tell he is really trying. But this morning, I realized that I cant wait for him to give me an excuse to leave: I just have to be the bad guy and end it. I love him so dearly, but I know that this relationship isnt what I want. Too Much Information but I cannot bring myself to be intimate with him, because I am just not feeling it. And I know it is beyond selfish of me to stay with an amazing person who brings so many good qualities to the table, just for the sake of being too chicken to leave. There are practical matters: we share a car and a lease. I am not one of those people who could be like ‘you figure it out’. And also, just figuring out exactly when to do it. This situation is stressing me so much I cant eat and only want to sleep. The thought of hurting someone I love kills me, I feel gutted. I have a hard time putting myself first and almost feel more comfortable being a martyr instead of causing hurt. I know this is kind of rambling and all over the place, but any words of encouragement I would love.
Post # 2
In the long run this is better for both of you. You deserve someone that you are crazy about and he deserves to be with someone who is crazy about him.
I would also take this as a lesson learned about binding yourself financially to someone so early in a relationship. Why at only 6 months together do you already share a car/lease?
Post # 3
You know I really dont have an answer. It all just seemed right at the time and then it was kinda like all at once I was hit with the truth that this isnt what I want.
Post # 4
A friend once told me ‘just because you are nice and your boyfriend is nice doesn’t mean you have to be together’….this is when I said to her ‘I can’t break up with my boyfriend. He’s nice’….and she’s right. Just because someone is nice doesn’t mean you should be in a relationship with them. we broke up 5 years ago and I felt like the worst person in the world. I pulled his world apart. He saw my family as his family (he doesn’t have family)….he moved from Scotland to the south of England to be with me. I thought I destroyed him.
Nope. staying with him was the cruel part…not ending it sooner was cruel. Let me tell you….if you aren’t feeling it he will know. He will sense it. As my ex said to me as we broke up ‘I wish you know how it feels to be with someone who you know doesn’t love you’.
The story ends that he’s now married with someone who loves him and I’m engaged to someone I love.
Yay! Happy ending.
Post # 5
I don’t really understand the title of this thread – are you saying you are intending to stay with him permanently despite not wanting sex/intimacy with him ? And you want encouragement for this?
Surely not. I assume he is aware that you don’t desire him, or are you doing a big pretend in the bedroom and intend to keep on doing it? If so I guarantee misery for you both sooner or later.
If it is only him you don’t desire , and you think you could easily feel it for someone else- or perhaps you already do , then that is a somewhat different situation than if you don’t feel anything for anyone and never have. Either way, I don’t think it is reasonable or moral to continue as you are ; at the very least , talk to him about it.