Post # 1
Let it be known that as much as I want to, I will not be posting any passive agreessive facebook updates.
How hard is it to send a freaking RSVP? Ours are postcard form (we had seal and send invites). You tear it off, write your name(s) on it and check “accepts” or “regrets” and drop it in the mailbox. It’s already stamped and ready to go. I’ve had a few people say they lost the card but contacted me personally to let me know that they were coming.
And then there are the 35 people who cannot be bothered to send it in.
I knew we would have to track down RSVPs. What I was not expecting was having people not respond to direct attempts to get a freaking answer. Are you coming or not? I need to give the caterer a final count and finish the seating chart (which is a whole ‘nother nightmare).
Would it be bad form to say if I don’t get an answer by Wednesday that I will put them down as not coming?
Post # 2
It might be bad form, but I say go for it. But I’m pretty no-nonsense when it comes to such things.
Post # 3
loudsilence99: I sympathise, we’re sending out invitations next month and I’m dreading this!
Post # 4
Contact them as many ways as possible (phone, email, facebook message) and leave the same message on each format. Try an actual phone call first, then move to text and other messages. Say something like “If we don’t hear from you by Wednesday, October 29th, we will have to assume you are not attending, as we are turning in numbers to the venue. Let us know either way!” Then leave it at that. In the end, we had one non-response, I’m assuming they took my warning seriously because they didn’t show up on the day. Everyone else responded after the warning.
Post # 5
I feel you, I really do. We invited 114 people [72 invites total], and we waited a week after the RSVP date to count up who we were missing. We were missing over 45! FOURTY FREAKING FIVE. We sent save the dates, we sent our invites well in advance [8 weeks]. There really was no reason for it.
All of the long distance rsvp’s said no, so I figured maybe they just forgot or didn’t think they needed to since they were 2000 miles away, but I needed catering numbers and had to confirm anyway.
Post # 6
That’s exactly what we are here for on the Bee! haha I completely understand – we were so lucky with most people RSVPing on time (I think out of 110 we had 12 people late?)
Hang in there… and a week after they were due back chase the hell out of them! lol 😉
Post # 7
Do you think they may have been confused by the format? I would start by making phone calls and sending emails the week after they’re due back. We got a couple right before, on, and after the due date.
People are very strange and common sense (sending back an RSVP to a party) is not so common. I think people also assume you know they’re coming, which is not how it works..
We had a friend who said “why wouldn’t I be coming?!” when we followed up, uhhhh because.. You live in another province and didn’t RSVP..
Post # 8
loudsilence99: I hear you!
We did great for my 1st daughter’s wedding; 248 of 250 responded 6 days before the due date. For the 2nd, most of his side and some of their friends were of the “acceptances only” school of thought. Some didn’t even respond to a follow-up letter!
My mother’s friend married-off 4 daughters. Her main complaints were 1. RSVP timely and 2. The name(s) on the envelope are the guests invited. I recently found an Emily Post article online, and her guest etiquette rules 1. and 2. are the exact same things.
Post # 9
We had a few people refuse to give a straight answer after several contact attempts so we marked them down as declines. Imagine my surprise when they show up at our wedding. They weren’t supposed to be there so they weren’t on the seating chart or counted in our numbers. We made it work but it was unnecessary stress that could have been avoided by them simply not being jackasses. OP, I suggest doing whatever it takes to get concrete answers from these people or else they may show up and expect to be fed.
Post # 10
loudsilence99: ugh i’m dealing with the same thing! Half our guest list hasn’t sent it in and they keep replying with “you know im coming” okayyyy… but i still need your food choice! come on people!
Post # 11
LegallyBrunetteBee: We put our foot down over this and said ‘yes, but if everyone said that how on earth are we meant to keep track!’. Everyone who was coming had to reply in some way (mail/email/even text!) but we had to have a written reply.
Post # 12
loudsilence99: I feel your pain, I had postcards too and we were missing 65 by the RSVP date. We still haven’t gotten them from FI’s grandma, a cousin, and an aunt and uncle. I got annoyed by people verbally responding too because 1. we paid SO much money for postage and paper 2. it’s good to have some kind of written confirmation for my records.
I know you are not posting on facebook but, a former coworker of mine posted her grievances on facebook about her wedding and it was annoying and immature. Especially, since a majority of her facebook “friends” were not even invited to the wedding. Sigh, I miss the days of facebook when people anounced keg parties….
Post # 13
loudsilence99: we definitely had to do some RSVP stalking…especially with family members! so ridonk! it was either them or people who had never been through a wedding before and didn’t understand the importance.
Post # 14
Kellym84: I’m working on chasing the hell out of my side… more than half are FI’s family. We are more than a week past our deadline (which, to be fair, we made earlier than is normal because we anticipated we would have issues getting a straight answer out of his side). A few people that I have talked to have legitmate excuses for not knowing (case in point: one of my BFF’s boyfriends is a professional racecar driver. If he wins this weekend, he has a race during the wedding. If he doesn’t, he can come. She is definitely coming but we don’t know about the boyfriend).
Everyone else at this point is just rude, especially when they won’t respond to a call/text/email. Maybe I should try smoke signals next? Or signal flags?
Post # 15
loudsilence99: Smoke signals might work 😉
Honestly though I do find it rude – it doesn’t take much effort to reply. Even before I was even considering getting married I would take it as common decency to reply by RSVP deadlines. I can’t imagine not, especially for something as big as a wedding!
Good luck with collecting them in – I understand the ones who don’t know (e.g. one of my friend’s boyfriend is in the army and is on standby to mobilise abroad, so we won’t know until the day if he can make it or not, and that’s cool). But yeah, most people should definitely have told you. That’s just rude!