(Closed) Resisting the temptation to air my grievances on Facebook

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

And this is why I did an online rsvp… no more uses snail mail anymore. 

Post # 18
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Vent on facebook, then sit back and watch as everyone who forgot to send their card back RSVP’s in the comments instead.

Post # 20
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Be prepared for people to RSVP and then STILL not show up, sigh… I only invited 50 people and that still happened. I am glad that the food was good. It tasted so much better after the wedding and honeymoon, haha! Best of luck! 

Post # 21
9059 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

loudsilence99:  Since it is past the RSVP date and you have tried to track the RSVP down then there is nothing wrong with leaving a message (phone call is probably best) saying RSVP by x date or you will be counted as a no due to catering deadlines.

Post # 22
12326 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Unfortunately, I don’t think you can just assume people are not coming. You really have to track people down and make contact, otherwise you may get a unpleasant surprise when they show up, anyway. 

You just have to be very persistent. Call at home, work, or cell phone. Email or text asking them to contact you. Call, email or Facebook their next of kin if you have to to get the contact info!  

Be  friendly and upbeat ask if they will be able to attend. Tell them the caterer’s deadline is on X date and you need to know if they will be able to attend by then. If they can ‘t come  you will miss them.

TBH, I think it is by no means justified, but predictable thst an early-ish R.s.v.p date resulted in some late responses.  Recommended respond by dates are  traditionally not much more than three  weeks ahead. Any earlier than a month and people who don’t look too closely at these things may just assume they have more  time. Of course, the right thing is to reply as soon as possible. 

The truth is most experienced caterers only need a few days to a week for the final count. Even then, we were able to add up to a handful, but not subtract. 

Post # 23
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m not excited about trying to get the rsvp back. We are doing the postcard thing. Does it actually help to already have the stamp and our address already printed on it?

Post # 24
47219 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

loudsilence99:  I thik it is perfectly reasonable to make one attempt to contact them using your normal communication method- phone, email, text etc  “Hi, it’s ____. We have reached the deadline for our caterer. If we do not hear otherwise from you by ___. we will be considering you a “no” and not including you in our numbers. We will miss you at the wedding.”

I disagree that you need to be persistent. Usually by this time in the course of wedding planning, the bride and groom have other things to do than repeatedly attempt to contact people who are too rude to even return an RSVP. Leave them one polite but firm message and that’s it. If they want to attend they can phone, text or email their response.

Post # 25
131 posts
Blushing bee

loudsilence99:  I feel your pain! My Future Mother-In-Law and I split up the list (groom’s invites and bride’s invites). I don’t know what all she did to contact the other parties, but I called, texted, and sent out messages, emails, etc. I used my phone, FB, whatever it took. I would usually say something like “Hey xxx, we haven’t received your RSVP for the wedding yet! I know you’re probably busy, so I’m just touching base with you to see if you’re coming or not. I’m expected to have a finalised head count by xx date. 🙂 “

Usually I’d get a response then. I still have a tiny handful that haven’t responded. I’m going to assume they aren’t coming. If they show up, I’m sure we’ll have a few extra seats and plates. We factored in some extras for any last-minute surprises.

Post # 26
12326 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

julies1949: I’d be persistent mainly for my own peace of mind, to be sure that no one just shows up unexpectedly. But I also think a personal conversation is less abrupt and conveys a more pleasant tone, even if that’s not how you really feel about having to chase people down. I’d leave a ” will assume you will not be there” message as a last resort.

These days, despite the fact there are so many ways of communicating with people, you may not know their preferred means of contact. Half the time you can’t even be sure that people ever read or hear their messages. A lot of people don’t answer their house phones or listen to their voicemail. There are some who never text and others who are rarely on Facebook. Others  only communicate by text and cell. People may have multiple emails, but one primary, or you may have an outdated address.



Post # 28
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

loudsilence99:  I say leave all wedding stuff like that off FB.  I know people will post pics and all that jazz- it’s expected.  But anything like that, I just think FB isn’t the place for it.

You need to contact your guests individually, and if you can’t get a hold of them, leave them a message politely explaining you need the final count, and if you don’t hear from them by ________, you are to assume they are unable to attend.

Post # 30
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

OMG this is my biggest frustration!!! every complains about etiquette of who to invite etc and how not to offend. what about the etiquette of guests sending back their RSVPs!!

I know alot of my family wont come due to various reasons but i wish they would just say no so i can then invite friends that I know really want to come but we had to hold off inviting due to numbers!

What frustrates me even more is that there are a few friends that are just recently married or are getting married in the months after us and they keeps saying oh yeah i keep forgetting to send it to you. im like just wait till yours im going to drag it out as long as you do for me lol

Or the ones that say “well of course im coming i dont really have to send the card back do I” well it has a stamped self addressed envelope so of course send it back!!!!

ok rant over lol  🙂

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