(Closed) Response Cards

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Nope.  Of the last 4 weddings I was invited to, 1 was RSVP online, 2 were by a special email address, and 1 was by traditional response card. 

ETA: I have many people who are RSVPing to my wedding through my parents or straight to us.  And many who just hand delivered their RSVP card.  I thought it would be so fun to get them in the mail but now I wish I wouldn’t have done that.  I spent the time mailing an invite and prestamping the response card and they can’t spend the time to send it back.  But I’m sure they would go online!

Post # 4
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s fine – if you set up a free wedding website, you can have it an option for people to rsvp on there too.  I think that’s what we’re going to do.

Post # 5
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think that would be ok for a less formal wedding/reception.  However, if you want a formal wedding/reception, you should send a response card with a prestamped, preaddressed envelope.  Your invites tell your guests what the mood and formality of the wedding will be!

Post # 6
4485 posts
Honey bee

Traditionally, guests were expected to reply with their own stationary and anything else was a no-no. Nowadays, it has become expected for the hosts to provide a reply card. Be aware that even if you have email or a phone number, some guests will be confused as to why you are not going the traditional route and claim they don’t know what to do, especially if you have older guests. What you are planning is not inappropriate though.

Post # 7
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@SoontobeMrsMurray:  Its not tacky not to include RSVP cards.  In fact, going by strict etiquette, its actually considered a bit insulting to include them as your guests should know enough to RSVP without being prompted. 

Unfortunately, most people don’t know any better and may think you don’t want or need RSVP’s if you doin’t include the little cards.  I think if you want to include a note on your invitations to either call to RSVP or respond to such and such e-mail, that would be fine.  It doesn’t break any etiquette rules that I know of.

Post # 8
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@SoontobeMrsMurray:  It’s certainly not tacky to leave out response cards.  In fact, the old rule was that response cards should never be included, because including them would insult your guests by suggesting that they did not know to send an “informal” written in blue or black ink with their response.  Given that most people don’t know that these days, response cards are permissible.  However, they are certainly not required.

The only real question is whether your particular guests are more likely to reply by e-mail or phone, as opposed to by postal mail.  Only you can know that.

Post # 9
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I don’t think it is tacky to not include response cards, as long as you include a way for them to reply. We received a wedding invitation last week with no response card, no phone number, no website, no nothing; very frustrating. As long as your potential guests have a way to respond, you will be fine. Our invitations will include a response card and phone number.

Post # 10
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I agree with pp’s that it’s actually more “proper” tradtionally to omit the response card entirely. Although nowadays most people include them. I am just putting RSVP on my reception cards and I’m sure my guests will figure it out, they were all raised in civilization. A lot of times the response cards don’t get sent back and the bride has to call a ton of people anyway – I can’t stomach the thought of all that postage and paper going to waste!

Post # 11
3 posts

No, it’s not tacky at all.  You have to do what is best for you and people will understand either way.  Weddings are no longer in a closed box of “right vs wrong,” do what feels right for you.  The email account idea is cute!

Post # 12
1696 posts
Bumble bee


Please don’t tell anyone (other than us of course) that the reason you are leaving out response cards is “to save a ton of money”. It isn’t hospitable to tell your guests that you inconvenienced them to save money. 

Instead, say that you wanted to make it as convenient as possible for everyone, by giving them different easy options to reply, and that you respect that the people who like formality don’t like to have to fill out written forms instead of writing a proper reply (I certainly don’t!). Make be it about thoughtfulness and respect rather than money, whatever motive it was that inspired your first thoughts.

Post # 13
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Are response cards really that expensive??  How much will this really set you back?   My RSVP cards come with my invitations.  I realize there is postage.  But I think this is a fairly important part of a wedding, maybe there is somewhere else you can save money on.

Post # 15
21 posts

@noritake22:  What wording was on your response card? I want to send a response card so that they respond via email or by phone, and I don’t know how to write that….

Post # 16
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@BabyA:  The most proper way to do this, is on the invitation itself. You don’t need a “response card” at all (in fact, truly formal etiquette doesn’t acknowledge that “response cards” even exist.)

On the lower left corner of your invitation, in slightly smaller font, have engraved:

[email protected]

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