(Closed) Response Cards

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It really depends on your style.  You could do phone or email to your friends but for older people. (grandparents and parents generation) they will want an RSVP card.

Post # 4
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I personally wouldn’t like phone RSVPs but I’m not much of a phone conversationalist. The thought of 50+ people calling me to let me know whether they’re coming or not sounds time-consuming. You can’t very well just say, “Okay, great! 2 for chicken! See you then!” and hang up. You have to make small talk. Plus, for those that are RSVP-ing “no”, it might be an awkward conversation. Then you have to remember to jot it down somewhere that so and so called and they said yes or no and what they want to eat.

RSVP-ing via web is okay, but I’ll say many of the older folks will not be fans, like my grandparents. DH’s parents have never even used a computer so they would have a problem.

I did a standard RSVP card and offered RSVP-ing via web as well and I had about 98% send me back the card.

Post # 5
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Well, I will say that people were supposed to reply online for my bachelorette party (only half of the guests did), by phone for my shower (only half of the guests did and the rest had to be hunted down), and by phone for the rehearsal dinner (only three out of 40 invitees replied, the rest had to be hunted down). Almost 80% replied with the RSVP cards.

So. That’s something to think about. There could be a lot more hunting down replies without the cards.

Post # 6
1699 posts
Bumble bee

No, it is not “weird” not including anything. Do you include reply cards when you invite people to formal dinners? When you send your visiting card around inviting folk to tea? Of course not. Admittedly, you may never send formal written dinner invitations or written informal tea invitations, which would guarantee that you never sent any reply cards with them, and which would explain why standard formal etiquette feels strange to you.

Prior to the innovation proliferation of fill-in-the-blanks reply forms with self-addressed stamped envelopes, properly-reared guests with basic good manners knew to reply immediately to any invitation (whether the letters “R.s.v.p.” appeared or not, whether they were complying with a “reply-by” date or not) in the same manner as the invitation was extended: by phone to a telephoned invitation, verbally to a spoken invitation, and in writing to a written invitation. They used their own formal stationery and their own stamp, and would be offended by the suggestion that they didn’t have those affects or didn’t know how to reply properly. Believe it or not, people who are accustomed to formal etiquette still have what it takes to reply properly. Other folk are nowadays more familiar with phones and websites. No-one is really served by your sending reply-cards.

Post # 7
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I’d pursue the method you honestly believe will return the most replies. In my experience, it’s response cards (postcards would be fine), but if your crowd is mostly young and tech-savvy, why not use the internet and give a phone number for backup (for the older folks perhaps) if it doesn’t bother you.

I personally prefer one flow of RSVP information coming in so that I can keep better track, so I would not like to be getting some responses on line, some by phone, some by facebook message, some by text, some by stationary, which may be likely once you open responses up to informal means of communication. No matter what, you will have people to track down, but I’m inclined to believe that having an RSVP card that the guest can pull out and leave somewhere visible where he or she keeps bills and the like is very helpful for prompting the memory. 

I have NEVER responded late by mail to anything, but I’ve very often been negligent with phone and email and website RSVPs (especially for showers, which embarasses me because I take etiquette pretty seriously), so I could just be projecting my own behavior onto others.

Post # 8
3258 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Soon2BStockhausen:  FWIW, the older people I know had never heard of response cards. Why, in their day…yadda yadda yadda. My eyes glazed over during the explanation, but in sum I think there was some other “official” way of responding to an invitation in olden times.

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