- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I am a “waiting bee”. My boyfriend wants to marry me. I want to marry him.
We could run down to the justice of the peace tomorrow and legally seal the deal (well, maybe not tomorrow, because tomorrow is technically Sunday). We’re both legal, our finances are difficult but not impossible. Our families love one another, and they even get along together. We both support ourselves almost fully (We’re both still on our parents mobile plans and health insurance because our parents jobs provide them). Being together would be difficult but not impossible, and something we would be willing to face.
But we don’t want to yet.
We’re both young. Twenty two years old each. We’ve both had other serious relationships. We’ve both struggled and went through our short times on Earth learning about ourselves and other human beings.
We love each. We respect one another. Our lifestyles mesh pretty well together.
Like I said, we’ve both discussed it, and we could go and get married sometime in the next week without too much hassle.
Why not though?
Well for one. I don’t feel ready for that. We have been dating for almost a year and a half (not long, we both understand). We have plans for our futures. Plans that involve us spending anywhere from six months to two years apart from each other in the next year or so. And we’ve both agreed we don’t want to spend our newlywed days separated like that, if we can possibly help it.
Besides that, why should we rush into marriage? We love each other. We both agree we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We see it two ways. One. We stay together forever. Marriage is just a formality we both agree we desire at some point in our future. Two. We don’t stay together forever. Waiting is not hurting us in any way in either of these situations.
I’m getting tired of “waiting bee” hate.
I’m tired of hearing that “waiting bees” are crazy. I’m tired of hearing about how people don’t understand “waiting bees”.
Listen. I don’t know about every other “waiting bee” but I do know this, I am not crazy (well I am, but not in the way people keep assuming “waiting bees” are). I am in absolutely no rush to be engaged. I am not crying at every date because he hasn’t bought me a ring. This holiday season, I’m happy to watch him get along with all of my friends and family, not saddened by the fact that we’re still JUST dating.
To the “waiting bees” who do feel these emotions. Don’t feel shame. It is okay to be upset. It is absolutely fine to feel emotions, to feel the entire spectrum of emotions. The key is to control them. The key is to have adult conversations with those who make us feel every emotion. I will not assume to know how every detail of your life and your relationships are handled, and therefore, I am not going to judge your life or your relationships.
I am a “waiting bee”. “Waiting” is the title of this board, and “bees” are the name we use to refer to the members of the entire forums. If I could, I’d advocate for a name change. I prefer “not-yet-engaged”, “happily dating”, “preparing for the future” or some other moniker.
It was pointed out by another “bee” that calling us “waiting bees” makes those of us who identify with this board seem passive and weak. People come to our threads with the notion that we are not doing anything but desiring a wedding, or a marriage.
But this is not the case. Not for everyone, and certainly not for me. I am not passively waiting for my prince charming to decide to settle down and stop his wily bachelor ways for a life of domesticated bliss! I am actively pursuing my life, with the idea that there may be this wonderful man, who is absolutely no prince (though the king of my heart), to share it with.
I am a “waiting bee”.
A/N: This was quickly typed after a few drinks and reading some of the “crazy waiting bee” comments from this and other sites. It is not meant to be offensive. Just a long-ass, explanation of why I consider myself a “waiting bee”.