(Closed) Response to Some of the Recent "Waiting Bee" Hate. (Long.)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

:CLAP CLAP:  I’m with you hun.   I’m someone who is in the waiting threads but I deam myself not crazy.   I used to fret over not being engaged but the last few weeks I have mellowed.   I’m still with the love of my life engaged or not.

Post # 5
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@Cornmuffin09:  Amen. I’m also incredibly sick of the “Why don’t you propose to him?” threads. It’s not like engaged Bees with limited budgets have to deal with “Why don’t you get a second job?” threads all the time. 

Post # 7
Member
6339 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

I speak as someone who was with her OH over 5 years before getting engaged, and who will be engaged for a further 3.5 years before marrying: we’ll have been together nearly 9 years when we get married in August 2014. Our reasons are purely financial; I’m a student, and even moving out of our parent’s homes in August 2014 will be a struggle, doing it sooner would have been impossible.

So, I get what it’s like to be ‘waiting’. There were times when I wished our situation was different, and that we were in a position to get married sooner. But I’m in the camp who just does not ‘get’ the waiting boards. It never even crossed my mind to join a wedding forum prior to engagement, and I do find the idea strange.

I also find some posts on this board really odd: the ones where ultimatums are given, for example. I guess I kind of feel that being on the same page about marriage is pretty important, and I couldn’t ever have imagined being in a position where I had to give my OH an ultimatum to get him to propose, or a time limit. We knew from fairly soon into our relationship that we wanted to get married, and getting engaged was never in doubt; it would simply happen when we were both in a position in which we could afford it. I also find the idea that 2 years is ‘too long’ to have been with someone without engagement pretty odd; similarly, the people who won’t move in together because their OH has ‘no reason’ to propose. I honestly believe that these relationships will not last long term, because clearly they are on very different pages about marriage; and getting engaged because you’ve been given an ultimatum is hardly the best start to married life.

I apologise if that offends people; but I see these threads time and time again, and really just don’t get it.

Post # 8
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Yeah what’s up with the snarkiness in this forum lately? This used to be a good place to vent and get it out of your system but now… Not so much!

Post # 9
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee

@barbie86:  This.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a waiting-bee at all! I just don’t personally think that ultimatums make for a strong foundation for a relationship. I just think it should happen organically. Nevertheless, I don’t have any hate for waiting bees, I know that sometimes there are various factor which make it impossible to be engaged (finances, school, working circumstances….)

 

Post # 10
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

@Cornmuffin09:  As someone who was formerly a ‘waiting bee’ and also was not crazy, I applaud you. Well spoken! It’s crazy to me how so many people ‘hate’ on waiting bees, when they probably waited for a proposal at one time or another, whether or not they actually acknowledged that. I didn’t pressure FH for a ring, a proposal, or a lifetime commitment. He made that decision on his own, while I patiently waited. I didn’t rush him; we talked about marriage and I knew he was going to propose, I just didn’t know when. Yeah, waiting is hard when you really want to spend forever with someone and you want forever to hurry and get started, but I never threw a tantrum or cried, and I definitely never picked a date I would leave him by (I didn’t have to, though, we were only dating 6 months when we got engaged).

Waiting is hard. Especially with the added social pressure placed on girls and guys today…..on FB, everyone is getting engaged, or so it seems. It’s unavoidable; commercials for rings and proposing to that “special someone” are on every other channel (really, though, every channel we as ladies watch). It’s ridiculous to criticize an entire group of people when you have NO idea what they’re going through. Many waiting bees have been waiting for YEARS. Yeah, not months or weeks, but years. And they’re still waiting. That gets frustrating! And it’s better to vent, on here, than to cry in front of their SO. A lot of posts are just stress relievers, and are openly stated as such, and to take them as anything more (such as, “oh, she must throw a tantrum all the time to her SO; no wonder he’s waited this long”) is showing how shallow the character of the person judging really is.

Rock on, waiting bees. I know it’s hard; I’ve been there. Just because you don’t formally consider yourself a ‘waiting bee’ doesn’t mean you aren’t waiting for a proposal. And no, it isn’t always a good idea for the girl to propose to the guy (a lot of guys are semi-traditional about this, and really want to propose to the girl. That’s how my FH was).

Love y’all. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Aww I didn’t realize there WAS waiting bee hate. The way I see it, we were all waiting bees at one point so why the hate? Keep on keeping on, ladies! (and to be frank, once you marry, you kinda miss the waiting part!)

Post # 12
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t get the hate.. I was a waiting bee before. Me and my Fiance set a time frame in which we would get engaged and set that due to many factors, one being my medical issues. Would I have left him had he not done it by that time? No. But would I have been sad and disappointed and let him know that? Well of course! I think honesty is the key to a good relationship.

I had my bad days where I was upset that it hadn’t happened yet. Am I ashamed about it? Do I regret it? Absolutely not. I’m a woman and I want what I want and I am strong enough to say that I CAN be a brat and I’m fully aware of that.

Everyone just needs to leave the waiting bees alone! Let them rant. It’s bettEr to do it on an online forum then in real life.

Post # 13
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I am one of the people who doesn’t understand the waiting thing, but that doesn’t mean that I look down on or am snarky towards or hate on waiting bees. Also, when I say “waiting,” I’m thinking more about the typical waiting bee and less so about someone like you. You are waiting to get married, so in the strictest sense, you are a waiting bee, but you are not letting your waiting define who you are or occupy you and cause you pain, etc.

Perhaps my perception is wrong, but I think of waiting bees as those women who are partially consumed with expectation and anticipation longterm about getting engaged. I never went through a period like that. I was in a happy relationship with my SO and we had talked about wanting to be together long term, but I never considered myself to be actively waiting for a proposal. And then we were engaged and preparing for the wedding. So that makes it hard to understand how some women–and again, I’m not trying to say all waiters are like this–get so caught up in wanting a proposal. I completely realize that there are women out there being led on or women who have a different timeline than their SOs, etc, and I’m very glad they have a place to come and talk, vent, get support etc, but I cannot relate, and sometimes the behavior is very healthy, sometimes very unhealthy. Unfortunately, it’s the unhealthy moments that impress themselves most on those of us on the outside. It’s much easier to think about the girl who has been in a relationship for a few months and is furious that her Boyfriend or Best Friend is annoyed that she keeps emailing him ring pictures or the girl who defines herself by her relationship status than to remember that there are women like you, OP, who are waiting on purpose or the woman who is looking for advice on when and how to have a timeline conversation with her SO.

Post # 14
Member
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mrsSonthebeach:  i feel 100% the same way you do- i could have wrote that post myself! i think the recent “hate” here on the bee has been directed towards the waiters you mentioned (women who give ultimatums and are consumed with expectations and the anticipation of getting engaged), not all waiters in general.

Post # 15
Member
946 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@mrsSonthebeach:  agree. OP is not “waiting” in the typical sense – she states they are not ready to be engaged for a number of reasons (which is a very mature of them to recognize). 

Post # 16
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I may be biased, but I’m totally with you!

My SO has purchased a ring but hasn’t proposed yet. We already have a general season/year we want to get married, and we’re 100% on the same page. In every sense of the word, I am a waiting bee. I love that there’s a place specifically for the waiters.

I won’t lie, every time we go out to a special dinner or a major event is coming up there’s a small part of me that thinks “This could be it!!”
On my birthday, he had me close my eyes and when I opened them, there he was with a little box. It was earrings. Whomp whommmp. =P

So yes, I have my good days and bad days. But doesn’t everyone?

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