Post # 1
Bee’s I need your advice,
I’ve just begun the fun endeavor of planning the wedding and I’ve already come across an issue that I would love some advice on!
I have a family member (FI sibling) who is constantly switching between partners, choosing to stay with their partner for a few months then breaking up and meeting someone new. I don’t really have a problem with that, but I’m conflicted now because this family member becomes obsessive with the partner they are currently with (constantly saying they’re meant to be together, they love each other so much, life is so perfect, etc). Then after a few months, the family member breaks up with them, telling us an elaborate story of how horrible that person was and finds someone new.
Now this family member is back together with a previous partner. This partner I don’t really care for. They arnt bad people or anything, it’s just this is the 3rd time they’ve been together and each time they break up, the sibling starts dating other people again.
So what I’m trying to get at is, I don’t want to give this sibling a plus one. My Fiance is not particularly close with this sibling, but this sibling looks up to my Fiance. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I also dont really want to pay for the dinner of this siblings ‘at the time’ partner. I think my Fiance is in the same boat as me, and I don’t want to be a complete rude jerk… but these partners are never really that significant to this sibling. It’s been the same for the past 7 years, where this sibling gets obsessive and then hates their partners guts after a few months. I don’t want to spend the extra money on a plus one I’ll never see again after a few months. The sibling is currently back in the obbsessive modr with their current on and off partner. Is there any polite way to word an invitation without a plus one, or do I bite the bullet and the costs for that person and just let them have a plus one?
Note: trying to keep the wedding costs down to under 6000 as I have a large school debt and we bought a home.
Post # 2
If the sibling is in a relationship, it’s not a +1; you need to invite them as the social unit that they are. If, at the time invitations go out, the sibling is truly single then you’d be in the clear not to give a +1, but I still would as it’s a sibling.
Post # 3
Just only invite partners of couples who are married, engaged or living together. That should fix it. If you want to invite other couples who arent in that catergory then you need to be fair and invite her/his flavor of the month.
Post # 4
This is always rude, but more so because this is your FIs brother or sister.
Also stop being judgemental over his or her relationships. Who cares if they only last a few months or are on again off again? And why do you get to decide ‘these partners are never really that significant to this sibling.
Post # 5
PP is right. You can’t invite someone to celebrate your relationship while simultaneously shunning theirs. If the sibling really is single at the time the invitations go out you don’t have to invite a plus one for them, but as long as they’re in a relationship you should invite their partner.
Post # 6
farmfreshjoy : thanks for your advice, I appreciate it. We’ve still got some time before we send the invites out, so I will keep this in mind when the time comes to send them.
Post # 7
lunafreya : I did plan on inviting other couples that arnt married yet. So your probaby right. I can’t be rude and exclude this siblings plus one. So much to think about! Thanks for your advice
Post # 8
Something similar happened to us. DH’s younger sister had a horrible boyfriend, they broke up multiple times and would get back togther only to break up again. We were clear from the beginning he was not invited to the wedding (she was in the bridal party and the last thing anyone wanted was him sulking around in pictures and her worried about what he was doing all day). Also he wanted to fly in the day of the wedding, have her drive 2 hours to the airport to get him and have her drive him back to the airport that night so he could fly home, she would have had to miss the reception.
1 week before the wedding he broke up with her (again) and I can’t tell you how relieved everyone was we hadn’t invited him and didn’t have to deal with cancelling his plane tickets and all that stuff. They stayed broken up and now she is dating a great guy we all love.
Only you know what is best for your situation, thankfully ours worked out well for everyone involved!
Post # 9
whnlz : your right. It shouldn’t matter who they are with at the time. I appologized if I’m being judgmental. I really try not to be, like I said in the post, I don’t really care that this sibling dates a lot, km actually quite happy that this sibling can love so freely. I think maybe I am too concerned about the budget and should maybe switch my focus to what would make us and our guests have good time.
Your also right about your last point. I really don’t know how significant their relationship is. Maybe I’m focusing too much on their past. The sibling had spoke about this partner previously during their first break up and made it clear that this person was not important. But your absolutely right. Things can change and so can people and I definitely need to consider that.
I really do appreciate your advice, I think reading everyone’s posts is kind of giving me a different perspective for this. I want this wedding to be a fun and memorable time for everyone not just me and Fiance. That includes the sibling as well.
Post # 10
You could impose the “same house or future spouse” rule as someone had suggested above, but you need to do that across the board then.
Post # 11
whitefinch : If you were planning on inviting other unmarried couples then it’s just more hassle than it’s worth not giving the sibling a plus one! Just enjoy your day and don’t focus on this one person too much.
Post # 12
We made a 6 month rule. You have to be dating 6 months at the time of invite to for you to get a plus one. This makes it so I have a chance to maybe know the person at our small wedding. Maybe think of that for your guests?
Post # 13
I truly cannot stand my sister’s boyfriend. He is hurtful, unfaithful and abusive. In the midst of an arugument and me defending my sister, he threatend to also harm me.
My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor. Although i cannot stand her boyfriend, he will be invited to the wedding (Invite will say: sister’s name & Family. While i truly do not want him there, he is the father of my newphew and the father of my step niece who will also be there.
I learned during this whole wedding process that while the brides happiness is important and #1, you do not want to burn bridges during wedding planning. it isnt worth it.
Invite your sister and her boyfriend (by name, not plus 1). By holding the grudge, you are the one who is hurting, not him.
Post # 14
crae09 : I’m so sorry that is something that is happening in your life but I seriously love your response. Although this current partner isn’t abusive, we heard tell that the partner is not nice to siblings children (siblings children are not partners. The children are from different fathers), which kind of makes it worse.
Although partner has never been rude or disrespectful to me or Fiance. I think I was focusing too much on the finance aspect, I should really look at what will make everyone happy. And your right, not inviting siblings partner will probably cause some drama, which I don’t want to deal with ever in my life.
Your response is so so genuine and I appreciate your willingness to share. To be honest reading everyone else’s response I felt I was probably going to invite the plus one. But reading your response is solidifying my decision.
Your absolutely right not to burn bridges especially on a wedding day when it’s supposed to be about family and friends and love. Our wedding is going to be quite a ways away, but assuming this partner is still in the picture when we send the invites, I will include them (by title as well). Thanks again for your response, I think it’s honestly what I was looking for, without realizing it 😊