- 5 years ago
So my FI and I have always wanted a DW. We decided Thanksgiving 2013 so that no one would have to use vacation days, they could come after Thanksgiving if they didn’t want to miss the holiday and still make it in time for our wedding. Plus, my friends are teachers and family still in school.
I have not officially booked anything nor have I officially announced who my BMs would be. However, I did run the dates by the girls I did want in my wedding b/c obviously it would be most important for them to be able to make it. I received mixed reactions. One girl was ecstatic to have an excuse to be somewhere tropical and warm on Thanksgiving, another said she didn’t care b/c she never did anything on Thanksgiving, another said she thought “tearing people away from their families on Thanksgiving” would be hard (she’s having her wedding on July 4th, so I don’t see how one holiday is that much different from the other, it’s not Christmas we’re talking about!).
Finally, one girl said her BF of 6 months always goes home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. He refuses to miss Thanksgiving or fly home and then fly somewhere tropical. This isn’t an issue about budget, he makes a very good income and it’s not about the money. It’s just that he doesn’t want to. I don’t really care for him to be there, but her response to me was that she wouldn’t come if he didn’t come because she “didn’t want to be all alone” on MY most romantic weekend.
I have since decided she is NOT going to be a BM at all. That kind of thought is so selfish. I just know that in her shoes, I would tell my FI that we will fly home and then on that Fri or Sat fly to whatever island it is and stay there for a full week and make it our vacation and suck it up because it’s her wedding and she’s my friend.
But, I’m reconsidering the whole friendship. I feel like that is some VERY selfish thinking. I would be more than happy for her to bring a friend of hers, even though I want an intimate and private affair.
Buttttt… since then, my FI and I have reconsidered Thanksgiving weekend and DW – we are thinking Columbus Day weekend instead and something in the states. So, the point is kind of moot, but the words she said were still there.
And yes, I absolutely do hate her BF b/c I thought he was selfish to begin with, but now it’s confirmed. My FI who has one annual family reunion on Thanksgiving and does NOT see his family again on Christmas would forego that one family reunion if my friend’s wedding was so important to me. Which also makes me wonder if maybe she didn’t stress to him how important it was for them to go??
And — yes, I know not everyone is excited about my wedding like I am and that DWs are a “hassle” and “burden” on people.. but honestly, am I really supposed to be hearing that from my friends right now? I feel like they should shut up and be happy for me because their day will come, too.
What do you guys think?