(Closed) Rethinking of who to ask to be my BMS

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Personally I wouldn’t. It seems like you don’t really think you should involve either. I don’t have a set Maid/Matron of Honor and one of my bm’s went around telling everyone that she was basically my Maid/Matron of Honor just not officail well I went around with her and explained that no she was not basically my Maid/Matron of Honor as I wasn’t having one, and if really came down to it actually another one of my BM’s was basically my Maid/Matron of Honor but that honestly both of them have had a play at being unofficial MOH’s but the one who didn’t go around telling everyone that is the one who has truely acted like a Maid/Matron of Honor to me and I love her dearly for that!

Post # 4
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

From experience, the fewer the better. I have 3, my sister, my Future Sister-In-Law, and my best friend. I wish I had only asked my sister. Trust me, you won’t regret not including everyone!

Post # 5
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

the less the better.  If they have not been there for you why should they stand up there with you when u get married?  It is not just a title, they should be good friends.

Post # 6
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t agree with the “the less the better attitude”.  I had 6 bridesmaids who were all from different parts of my life and had no relationships with each other.  They all got along GREAT with no drama and worked together and split the efforts to throw me an amazing shower and bachelorette party and to celebrate with me throughout the engagement and on my wedding day.  Just my own little rant on the idea that large bridal parties always result in disaster.

That being said, I had a large bridal party because all six of those girls are very close friends or relatives of mine and I love them.  It doesn’t sound like the girls you are talking about share that kind of relationship with you.  Don’t have them in your wedding just because they assume that they will be.  If you have to address it just let them know that you have decided to have a very small wedding party and you hope they will understand. If they get upset and choose not to support you, that’s their loss, not yours.

Post # 7
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee

They don’t particularly seem to care about you or how exciting this time in your life is. I personally would just ask your SIL and keep you Maid/Matron of Honor. You don’t need 15 people standing there with you if they are never really with you.

Sure it will suck when you tell them (if you decide to go that route) but they are adults and will get over it. If not, then they don’t need to be there to ruin it.

Post # 8
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

planning a wedding is a hard process, and it makes it much easier if you have lots of support from your bm’s. you don’t need the added stress of having people there that aren’t there for you right now. I would just go with the two and tell everyone else you want a small wedding party. I only had two, my sister and sil, and my friends understood when i told them i wanted to keep it small.

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