(Closed) Rethinking the whole darn thing…

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

He probably just doesn’t really care about the wedding!

Talk to him about it. I asked my Fiance at the beginning of planning and he said that he doesn’t really care about certain things. When it came down to making a decision I would ask him if he cared if he said NO I would make the decision myself. If he said yes I would provide him with the options I have researched and we would make a decision together. But if he said he didn’t care than he wasn’t allowed to make any comments about my decision after I had made it! Yes this was a lot more work on me but if he would have his way we would have gotten married at a court house but he is happy to have the wedding to make me happy. And so I was OK with our situation too.

I think you guys need to come to an agreement on how wedding planning is going to work for you guys.

  • What is his dream wedding?
  • What is your dream wedding?
  • How can you compromise?
  • What is your budget?
  • What are the three wedding related things that are important to him and important to you?
  • Does he want to be involved in all decisions?

Good Luck!

Post # 4
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I completely agree with @FutureMrsMartin!  My husband didn’t care about anything during the wedding planning process except the following:

Color: had to be blue or green (we went with blue)

Boutiniere: he didn’t want to wear a pink one – he got orange instead

Names on the invites: he freaked when I originally had our middle names on the invites, haha, so I removed them.

But I basically did what @FutureMrsMartin suggested.  I’d say “Hey, do you care about the centerpieces?”  “Hey, do you have an opinion about place cards?”  “Hey, do you care that I’m ordered embossed cocktail napkins?”  Etc etc.  He didn’t even care what his, or my, wedding bands looked like, although I made him go with me to buy them since he had to try it on!

Post # 5
3004 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

yeah my Fiance doesn’t seem to be “helping” too much. Just telling me to look into stuff and then looking over things with me. But when it comes to my dress he isn’t being very helpful and we can’t decide on any venue. So trust me I feel your pain.

Post # 6
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m in a similar situation. My Fiance turned into a total dick once we got engaged… no idea why. Maybe take a weekend away – away from talking about house stuff, away from talking about the wedding – and just enjoy each other’s company. Other than that, I have no idea what to tell you. Sorry

Post # 7
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

ugg yes! at first my Fiance was all into it and making me go look at venues and after the ONE venue we agreed on totally pissed us off (not calling us back or emailing us or getting a contract together for us) we decided not to have it there and now we are back at square one and he isnt into doing anything now! grrrr

Post # 9
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

my FH doesnt care about anything! I pretty much stoped asking what he thinks and just tell him what we are doing. Its much easier that way, i dont get mad hes not paying attention and he doesnt get mad i keep “bugging” him about wedding stuff.

Post # 10
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

yeah – it’s frustrating – but my husband couldn’t care less about the wedding planning. all he cares about is the alcohol and the DJ. other than that – NO help at all.

Post # 11
2820 posts
Sugar bee

Someone gave my husband the advice of just go along for the ride and do whatever she says, it’s more about her…..bad advice, it made him seem uncaring, so I had to reset that it wasn’t great advice and hurt to see him uninvolved or just saying that’ fine, whatever.

Post # 12
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It probably has a mixture to do with the fact that the two of you have been together for so long, and you really already act like a married couple, and that most guys have really no idea on creating a wedding, all they really want to do is be there to do the vows and eat the cake, lol. Really though, their ideas are much different than our ideas (got that from my Fiance just now) and we have to give them credit for just wanting to be married to us in the first place. We are very complex individuals, and so really every story is different. But if it really bothers you, I feel that you should just sit down and communicate with him, talk to him about what you are feeling, and I am sure he will talk to you about it. Guys aren’t mind readers, as mine has pointed out time and again.

Post # 13
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, my guy didn’t care.  I pretty much did it myself.  Some guys just are okay with showing up!! 🙂  I didn’t let it bother me. 

Post # 14
17 posts
  • Wedding: November 2010

Mine literally looked me in the eyes and told me “Honey, I don’t care about the wedding. I care about our marriage.” I took that for what it was meant to be taken as. Most guys really could care less about the detail planning. For mine, as long as I don’t have pink/orange colors and there is red meat at the reception, he’s good. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

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