sassy411 : “We need to be very cautious when evaluating the veracity of trash talk about exes.
Always ask what kind of total bullshit lies the ex would tell about him.
That’ll save you hours of direct questions. I haven’t seen it fail yet.”
Great advice, I wish I could go back in time and share this with my younger self.
On a lighter note- when I was much younger and less crusty, I had a boyfriend who used to praise me for being nothing like his exes.
He marveled that even though I was smart and had a decent career, I was still a good cook and homemaker. You see this poor guy *cue violins* had never had a girlfriend look after him before, he’d never been with anyone who was such a good cook, such a lovely homemaker. It was a novelty for him to have me make him a home cooked meal after only being with women who would microwave frozen dinners or have him get fast food. He was in awe that I still maintained such a clean apartment, even my laundry, my clothes, everything just smelled so fresh. How different from his exes who were careless and messy and just drank wine with their girlfirneds.
Well, you can see where this is going. Naive me basked in his praise at the expense of these legendarily messy, lazy exes who couldn’t put together a decent meal. I went out of my way to make special meals for this poor neglected guy, I went out of my way to make sure my apartment was super clean and lovely, even adding addtional throw pillows and scented candles and making sure the sheets were fresh smelling when he slept over- I did everything but leave a mint on his fucking pillow lol. And of course we’d go to my place instead of his so I could show all this off, of course I’d make dinner instead of him taking me to a restaurant so I could showcase my culinary skills. I ran myself ragged out Martha Stewart-ing Martha Stewart. When he mentioned how fresh smelling my towels always were I even offered to do his laundry for him (glossing over the fact that I worked just as many hours as he did, his apartment that we never went to anymore was always messy and he never cooked for me, rarely took me to a restaurant)
Anyway, to wrap this up, I ran into one of his exes in the supermarket, I wasn’t close to her but she was still part of the same large circle of college friends and so we knew each other a little and she saw my cart filled with ingredients that would put Gordon Ramsey to shame and she laughed and said “So he’s got you being his personal chef has he, did he tell you no-one else has ever cooked for him before?”
“Of course it was a line!” – Joey Tribbiani
I’m not saying this is the same situation in OP’s case, in fact I think he’s sincere in at least thinking his ex cheated on him. And maybe she did or maybe his jealousy led to unfounded suspicions (either way this doesn’t give him the right to grill OP). But we see all too often how exes are portrayed as the root cause/ excuse for behaviours and actions brought into current relationships and as unacceptable as this is, on so many cases it’s not even true.